TEMPE, AZ (ABSNN) -"There is yet hope for rap music," said an enthusiastic Governor Jan Brewer who introduced 11-year-old Johann Sebastian beBop, a Caucasian rap singer. Master beBop sang or chanted before a throng of 20,000 last night in Tempe...
Oakland, Ca. - After his latest Rapture prediction failed to take him to Heaven, Rev. Harold Camping decided to plan a trip of his own, to Vegas.
Found seated at the Roulette table in Caesars Palace, with a show girl in one hand and a rum and...
A man, who is being held in a city jail in Denver, Colorado for committing 28 felonies and 32 misdemeanors in a two day spree, is suing Doomsday Prophet Harold Camping for "really fucking me over".
Jerry BrainDead committed the crimes during the...
Like its earlier failure in 1994, Howard Camping's Armageddonator® broke down only seconds after it was fired up on Saturday at 6:00 PM. "At the heart of the machine is an old REO Truck engine, and the dang main bearing just seized up," said Camp...
Yesterday, on Saturday 21st of May, the long-awaited "rapture" appears to have actually happened, despite being widely ridiculed. The Rapturometer is a very precise scientific instrument kept in the Pentagon in the US, and its bell began to toll in t...
Satan --The Morningstar, the Overlord of Hell and Nancy Grace's stepbrother-- appeared on the late night talk show Chelsea Lately and announced that the Number of the Beast, 666, will be changed to the symbol for Euros, in preparation for the Rapture...
News gathering agencies around the world are opening their reports today asking one vital question:
"Where the f--k is everybody?"
"It's May 21, 2011," said Today Show host Matt Lauer, apparently alone in the NBC studios, and operating his own...
Westboro Baptist Church, known best for its recent Supreme Court win allowing its members to annoy the hell out of anyone grieving at a funeral for someone whose lifestyle they don't agree with, has lost ¾ of its flock in recent weeks. Once a thrivin...
In a post-rapture world, it is believed that atheists and agnostics may be faced with horrendous living conditions on Earth. However, it doesn't have to be the end of the world. With pre- and post-rapture business opportunities already beginning to s...
Gallop polls report that only five states' citizens identify as Republicans. Four are Mormon strongholds and the fifth favors hometown queen Sarah Palin.
The poll, which featured a gigantic sample, seems to suggest that the solid south has evapor...
George Bush and Dick Cheney issued a long statement today declaring their independence from the people of the United States of America.
President Bush said he would call for an independent, non-denominational commission to investigate intelligence failures regarding the predicted date of the Rapture.