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Funny story: Cardinal Baloney: Sister Uses Wrong Shoe Polish

Cardinal Baloney: Sister Uses Wrong Shoe Polish

Responding to widespread coverage of the church pedophile scandal in Chicago, Cardinal Baloney today issued a statement on behalf of the College of Cardinals based in Rome. At a news conference yesterday, in Chicago, personnel files of 65 pedoph...
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Funny story: US military commander urges special biscuits and other measures to control lust in the troops

US military commander urges special biscuits and other measures to control lust in the troops

An unspecified spokesperson has come forward to speak for the unspecified commander who told a military rape victim she was at fault for being attacked in 2012. According to this commander, she must assume complete responsibility, because she was...
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Funny story: Apathetic Sex Offenders Gleeful at the Prospect of a New Challenge

Apathetic Sex Offenders Gleeful at the Prospect of a New Challenge

Sex offenders who have lost their appetite for crime are to be given a new zeal for acts of a heinous nature thanks to some soon to be released products known as Anti Rape Underwear. AR Wear, the company behind the products, will see prototypes ro...
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Funny story: The Truth about the Grand TV Experiment

The Truth about the Grand TV Experiment

Back and to the Left News has discovered a new sociology test that has been running on the British public over the last five years. The test, run in conjunction with Ofcom has come to the conclusion that anyone who watches a TV show and then complain...
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Funny story: Celebrity misquotes

Celebrity misquotes

Most celebrities, most of the time, have nothing important or interesting to say, but, because they are famous (and rich), their every word is reported to the world. Unfortunately, they are usually misquoted, because their words are taken out of context, or so they say, and, when they are not being misquoted, they are misspeaking. No matter what they do or say, they claim that they are seldom, if...
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Funny story: Rohypnol one of your five-a-day claims offender

Rohypnol one of your five-a-day claims offender

Drink-spiking drug and racoon laxative, Rohypnol, actually counts as one of your five-a-day according to sometimes sex offender, Gavin McCloroform. Gavin, a thirty-eight-year-old dietician from Cardiff, claims the drug is misunderstood and with t...
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Funny story: Sex Offenders come back on the offensive

Sex Offenders come back on the offensive

Sir Geoffrey Punt, prominent MP for the East Anglia area has come forward and delivered the most stinging attack on the UKs immigration policy. "Thousands of foreign criminals and sex offenders are roaming our streets like packs of wild dogs. Pre...
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Funny story: Akin's rape delusions expose a 'Congress of Crazies'

Akin's rape delusions expose a 'Congress of Crazies'

Washington DC - Rep. Todd Akin's recent comments about rape and abortion indicate that he is better suited for long-term stay in a psychiatric ward than he is for a Senate seat. Specifically, he told a television interviewer that in cases of "legi...
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Funny story: Pundits: Well, in a legitimate democracy, Todd Akin would never be elected

Pundits: Well, in a legitimate democracy, Todd Akin would never be elected

WASHINGTON, D.C.--Missouri Congressman and Senate candidate Todd Akin's comment that pregnancy would not occur in a "legitimate rape" has been met with widespread condemnation from Democrats and Republicans, prompting speculation Akin's Senate run is...
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Funny story: Ken Clarke clarifies his position on Oilseed Rape

Ken Clarke clarifies his position on Oilseed Rape

Justice Secretary and Lord chancellor Kenneth (Ken) Clarke has issued a full and frank apology in attempt to clarify his position on Oilseed Rape. Mr Clarke was forced into the embarrassing climb-down because of comments he made on Radio 4's 'Far...
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Funny story: The Pebble with a Red Streak, Part I

The Pebble with a Red Streak, Part I

Adolescence, as we all know, lies between childhood and adulthood. At this unique stage, the individual keeps gaining and losing his freedom. Before long, they all yield to the demands of the social system. During this horrible period terrible things may happen. The 14-year old boy of this story, like his peers, was looking for adventures, so he decided to mountain climb alone. When he reach...
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Funny story: Brit rubbish collectors could all be paedophiles or Granny rapists!

Brit rubbish collectors could all be paedophiles or Granny rapists!

Rubbish collectors in the UK have come under suspicion and must now undergo criminal record testing because they collect peoples personal rubbish including the neighbours discarded kiddy porno magazines? The UK public lives in panic and fear of p...
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Funny story: Wounded Rapist Demands Tougher Gun Control Laws.

Wounded Rapist Demands Tougher Gun Control Laws.

An unnamed accused serial rapist demanded tougher gun control laws from his hospital bed in suburban Philadelphia earlier today, just hours after being admitted by police for a gun shot wound incurred while attempting to assault a local woman. L...
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Funny story: Congress rapes Americans

Congress rapes Americans

WASHINGTON-In a landmark decision, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment. This scheme will be known as RAPE (*Retire Aged People Ea...
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Funny story: Zookeeper Raped by Gorilla

Zookeeper Raped by Gorilla

Zoo keeper Roy Schlemmer had no idea what he was getting himself into when he reported to work today at the San Jose Zoo. The zoo, renowned for being on the cutting edge of safety, announced to employees early last week that today would be the day...
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Funny story: Polanski Out Of Jail On $4.5 Million Dollar Bail

Polanski Out Of Jail On $4.5 Million Dollar Bail

Director Roman Polanski will leave jail Friday on $4.5 million dollars in bail ($1.5 million dollars for each bodily orifice through which he raped a 13 year old girl). Polanski will then be expected to remain at his Gstaad chalet to await word on w...
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Funny story: Texas man asks wife to cry rape

Texas man asks wife to cry rape

Austin, Texas - Chris Jenkins, recently laid off from the Ayers Tool and Die factory, has asked his wife Helen to accuse him of rape. Given that job prospects for either are scant, she has agreed. "I love Chris", said Helen, "But we need the mone...
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Funny story: Palin to Charge War Widows for Caskets

Palin to Charge War Widows for Caskets

Washington DC - Alaska Gov. and Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin will require widows and widowers of deceased service men and women to pay for their loved one's caskets. The Department of Defense has requested that Congress work...
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