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Trump Is Putin's Lackey

Funny story: Trump Is Putin's Lackey

Again, the medium Maude Smithie of Los Angeles claims to have channeled the voice of the 20th century cynic and satirist H.L. Menken. I present what he allegedly said because, at least to this reporter, it seems plausible. Says Menken: "In his...

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Trump's election victory proves voters are getting dumber, say scientists

Funny story: Trump's election victory proves voters are getting dumber, say scientists

Humanologists from the Dumas Institute, Paris, have analysed US election results going back nearly two hundred years and have reached some staggering conclusions. Voters are now less intelligent than ever before, and are making worse choices for thei...

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Gas Prices To Skyrocket And Shortages Loom

Funny story: Gas Prices To Skyrocket And Shortages Loom

A gasoline spill south of Birmingham, Alabama, last Friday led to the shutdown of an important pipeline that delivers fuel to much of the South and East. It is expected to cause shortages and prices will rise dramatically. A Colonial Pipeline Co. pi...

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Satirical News Writers Struggle to Create Exaggerated Headlines Concerning Donald Trump

Funny story: Satirical News Writers Struggle to Create Exaggerated Headlines Concerning Donald Trump

Hollywood, CA and Planet Zorbion- A group of satirical news writers have expressed utter frustration in coming up with hyperbole-filled headlines and stories concerning Donald Trump. A 20-year veteran of the field, Mark Wadink, complained, "Any t...

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Who's The Dumbest Republican Contest - Top 10 Political Quotes

Funny story: Who's The Dumbest Republican Contest - Top 10 Political Quotes

After readers voted on "Who's The Dumbest Democrat?" contest held by N.S. News & World Report and chose Joe Biden for saying "Stand up, Chuck, let 'em see ya." to Missouri state Sen. Chuck Graham, who is in a wheelchair, Columbia, Missouri, Sept. 12, 2008," U.S. News is holding the "Who's The Dumbest Republican" contest. Readers are asked to base their votes on the following quotes: "They'r...

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Operation Blockhead instituted as latest medical marvel

Funny story: Operation Blockhead instituted as latest medical marvel

Thanks to the miracle of modern scientific medicine and the operating table, it is now possible to entirely reshape the contours of the human skull. The result is what is described medically as an operation to produce the calvarium clausus, or a s...

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Ferguson Man Shocked To Find He Has No Milk

Ferguson man Randy Burrows is reeling in shock this morning after discovering that his mother had failed to purchase milk to accompany his usual breakfast of cornflakes. The 26 year old school janitor, who has yet to leave home, was visibly upset,...

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Head Of Secret Service Doesn't Get Firing

Funny story: Head Of Secret Service Doesn't Get Firing

President Obama today fired Julia Peterson, head of the beleaguered Secret Service. Her strange testimony yesterday before congressional lawmakers was, no doubt, one of the reasons. When Chairman Issa asked her to explain why a deranged man carry...

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Despite Setting Off Store Alarm Man Allowed To Leave Store Unchallenged

Despite setting off his local grocery store's store alarm Wednesday, Fort Lauderdale shopper Duncan Whitehead was allowed to exit the store unmolested by the store's security staff who merely glanced at the exiting man before returning to doing nothi...

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Al Gore Was Right

Funny story: Al Gore Was Right

Speaking of extremely frigid temperatures this winter and early spring, in certain parts of the U.S., Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) said, "It's cold. Al Gore told me this wouldn't Happen. Global warming obviously is a farce." Senator Cruz said this to...

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Big Mess On Times Square!

Funny story: Big Mess On Times Square!

Good Morning America has apologized and ABC says they will pay the bill after huge mistake this morning. The Great Flukey, a hypnotist, demonstrated over the air how he could talk people into thinking they were chickens. What everyone had forgo...

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Scientists Discover "Dumb-Ass Gene" Responsible For US' Problems

Funny story: Scientists Discover "Dumb-Ass Gene" Responsible For US' Problems

Americans are largely apathetic as their country slides into third world status. The infrastructure is ready to collapse, 1 in 5 kids struggle with hunger, 18 to 32 % are in poverty (it's definitional), 40% of the national budget goes for past, pres...

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New Chief At Dep't of Homeland Security Thinks It's A Piece Of Cake

Funny story: New Chief At Dep't of Homeland Security Thinks It's A Piece Of Cake

The Department of Homeland Security has a new chief, Jeh Johnson. He takes over a department that includes 22 former agencies folded into it. The tasks of Homeland Security involve preventing terrorism through surveillance, disaster relief through...

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American Media Already Prepare Profile Of Next Mass Shooter

Funny story: American Media Already Prepare Profile Of Next Mass Shooter

US news media outlets are already preparing draft descriptions of future mass murderers based on previous descriptions of all former mass killers. "I can't believe it, they were such a normal family" has already been earmarked as one potential lea...

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Fossil raindrops prove modern science is a load of poop!

Funny story: Fossil raindrops prove modern science is a load of poop!

Modern science has today been exposed as a momentous pile of steaming shite. According to Sanjoy Som from Nasa's Ames Research Center, raindrops which caused indentations and then waited thousands of years to fossilized, allow an insight into clim...

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Maine Zumba Prostitution Scandal an 'Illuminati Plot!'

Funny story: Maine Zumba Prostitution Scandal an 'Illuminati Plot!'

KENNEBUNK, Maine (ABSNN) - 129,277 men in this tony seaside town (all apparently Democrats) on the Maine coast have been named as "Johns" in the Zumba Prostitution scandal. Their names, but no other identifying data, were released by order of the ju...

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Breaking 30 million year old news! Evolution 'revised' again!

Funny story: Breaking 30 million year old news! Evolution 'revised' again!

Members of the religious evolution cult are today bashing their heads against the wall, as yet again, they need to fudge their story. Only half way through the year, and this is the fourth time that a significant find has been trumpeted in the nat...

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Dawkins claims evolutionist is a bullsh*tter!

Funny story: Dawkins claims evolutionist is a bullsh*tter!

Atheist fundamentalist, evolution crackpot, heir of the slave trade and childrens author Richard Dawkins has lashed out at fellow deluded high priest of evolution EO Wilson. Dawkins, 71, who claims he was once an ape, described Wilson's theory "as...

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Breaking news…

Fake Friend

Surprise, surprise! Apparently, Omarosa was Trump’s fake friend. This is definitely sad.
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