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Funny satire stories about quantum physics

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Funny story: Bubble wrap - top of the pops!

Bubble wrap - top of the pops!

After much deliberation, sharp points and millions of things that go 'pop', Bubble Wrap has once again been voted Top of the Pops. "It's fantastic news," said Brian Gigglesworth, head of the Bubble Wrap Federation of Cumbria and the UK. "This make...
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Funny story: Stephen Hawking Has Been Walking for Years, We Just Can't See It

Stephen Hawking Has Been Walking for Years, We Just Can't See It

An inside source has revealed that Stephen Hawking, the world renowned theoretical physicist who is confined to a wheelchair, has been "walking for several years now" and claims that the world is just too close-minded to observe it. The sourc...
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Funny story: Curiosity Kills Rover

Curiosity Kills Rover

The Curiosity Rover died yesterday while chasing an unidentified particle on Mars, the National Aeronautic and Space Agency reports. Physicists have not yet classified the particle that killed Curiosity, but photos NASA received shortly before he...
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Funny story: Quantum experiment accidentally splits the universe in two

Quantum experiment accidentally splits the universe in two

Scientists at Cambridge university have accidentally split the entire Universe into two. "We're very sorry," said Kate Bifur, professor of quantum theory at Cambridge. "It was an accident." According to the incident log, the split occurred at n...
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Funny story: Shock of shocks! Cern 'discover' Higgs boson just as predicted!

Shock of shocks! Cern 'discover' Higgs boson just as predicted!

The Higgs boson, the particle that has cost untold billions of dollars to detect, has potentially been discovered, just as the Cern scientists said it would be earlier in the year. The Hadron collider is due to be shut down at the end of the year...
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Funny story: Potatoes usher in the next age of computing

Potatoes usher in the next age of computing

Potatoes may not seem the most technological of food stuffs, with aubergines seeming more advanced, but a breakthrough at the University of Manchester's Institute of Science and Technology has propelled the humble spud into the limelight of technolog...
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Funny story: IBM Releases Superconducting Quantum Computer, Large Hadron Collider Engineers Experience First Boner

IBM Releases Superconducting Quantum Computer, Large Hadron Collider Engineers Experience First Boner

Showing photographs of the recently developed superconducting processor, IBM announced plans for eventual release of their new Quantum Computer. Engineers and scientists at the Large Hadron Collider in Cern, Switzerland, showed a vividly clear inter...
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Funny story: Scientists find bozons responsible for clowning antics

Scientists find bozons responsible for clowning antics

SWITZERLAND - The giant underground dangerous machine that may turn the earth into a black hole has given mankind some dividend, finally. After spending trillions of bailout money on the project, there is finally a use for the spin-off technology.
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Funny story: Quantum Mechanic Researchers Discover Time Runs Backward!

Quantum Mechanic Researchers Discover Time Runs Backward!

Dateline Bern, Switzerland, day after tomorrow: Quantum researchers exploring the bizarre world of "string theory", "quantum entanglements", "replicating clothes hangers" , "single socks" and other unexplained phenomenon which A.Einstein will one day...
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Funny story: Quantum Physics used to explain American Economy

Quantum Physics used to explain American Economy

Top government economists, borrowing from the field of quantum physics, have formulated a solution that is currently being implemented by Barack Obama to solve America's economic woes. Government economists suggest that our current crisis is being...
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Funny story: CERN Issues Advice On The Capture And Storage Of Higgs Bosons

CERN Issues Advice On The Capture And Storage Of Higgs Bosons

The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) team at CERN are now enlisting volunteers who have home computers to contribute in the search for the Higgs boson. Details of the project, called LHC@home 2.0, can be found at http://lhcathome.web.cern.ch/LHCathome/Phy...
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Funny story: God Particle Discovered, Shockingly in the Shape of a Cheeseburger

God Particle Discovered, Shockingly in the Shape of a Cheeseburger

Scientists were simultaneously elated and confounded over the recent discovery of the smallest particle in the universe, as produced from the $10 Billion Proton Collider on the Swiss/French border. The source for all other particle creation, also de...
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Funny story: Anti-Matter 'Missing' From Universe Is Found

Anti-Matter 'Missing' From Universe Is Found

Cosmology's biggest mystery has been solved due to pioneering work at CERN. The Big Bang Theory predicts that the universe should contain equal quantities of matter and anti-matter. The fact that only matter had been observed led cosmologists to a...
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Funny story: Kerry Katona Isn't Real, Say Quantum Physicists!

Kerry Katona Isn't Real, Say Quantum Physicists!

Everything we think we understand as real is merely a holographic projection. So say boffins engaged in investigating nature at its most basic levels. The latest thinking in quantum theory was revealed to the viewing public in Monday night's Ho...
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Funny story: Bees May Hold Secret to Fourth Dimension

Bees May Hold Secret to Fourth Dimension

Remember the year the bees all but disappeared? Not many were left and beekeepers were beside themselves wondering if their livelihoods had been taken from them forever, only to realize a year later that the bees were back. Where did they go? Quan...
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