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Funny story: German Shepard Puppies Commit Suicide After Receiving Names From a Toddler

German Shepard Puppies Commit Suicide After Receiving Names From a Toddler

Colorado Springs (Denver Post): Four German Shepard puppies apparently committed suicide yesterday after their owner allowed her two and a half year old toddler to name the dogs. All four puppies jumped out an open window, ran six blocks, and threw...
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Funny story: 4 Million Pets Voted Illegally According To ASPCA

4 Million Pets Voted Illegally According To ASPCA

One of the largest cases of voter fraud in the history of the US has unraveled after an election worker discovered that a dog was registered to vote in his district in the 2016 elections. The scheme came to light when Swen Hootman, an election vol...
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Funny story: Apple Announces iPhone For Pets

Apple Announces iPhone For Pets

As the market for iPhones becomes saturated, Apple is attempting to tap into another niche market by rolling out reinforced iPhones and iPads for pets. Mike Bursa of team Apple gave a demo and talk at an unveiling party in Palo Alto, CA. Only a fe...
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Funny story: The Sewage and the Sorrow

The Sewage and the Sorrow

Bulging and bellicose, Masha Krause is a bit of a curiosity in the town of Statesville N.C. As an amateur bodybuilder she has made a lonely niche for herself among the more reserved and conventional residents. Last summer things got ugly for Masha as an ongoing feud she'd had with her neighbors reached it's tipping point. It all started on the somber autumn day of October 14th last year. "Hog...
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Funny story: Emotional-Support Animals up 279%

Emotional-Support Animals up 279%

The percentage of applications for emotional-support animals among pets have gone up 279% from 2011, according to the latest pretty and glittery graph on the internet. "We have seen an increase in emotional-support animals among pet travelers," r...
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Funny story: Animal thief hit 21 pet stores across West Midlands in seven months

Animal thief hit 21 pet stores across West Midlands in seven months

A brazen thief has admitted taking various pets from 21 pet stores across the Black Country and Staffordshire without paying for them during a seven-month stealing spree. Ecbert Sitz drove across various towns in the West Midlands with the intent...
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Funny story: First Gay Cat To Sue Indiana Kennel

First Gay Cat To Sue Indiana Kennel

French Lick, Indiana - Duane Fick, 27, can assure the presiding judge in his upcoming trial that his beloved cat, Fuggles, is pissed-seriously pissed. And from what this reporter can gather, that piece of evidence seems to hold true. "Fuggles has nev...
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Funny story: My new pet just arrived UPS, and man is he cool!

My new pet just arrived UPS, and man is he cool!

I just got the best pet in the world. A Goliath Birdeater, a spider that's been shipped from the Amazon Rain Forest to my little abode in New Jersey. My Goliath Birdeater has the dubious honor of being the largest arachnid in the world. It's about...
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Funny story: Latest Handy Tidbits for Pocket Pet Owners

Latest Handy Tidbits for Pocket Pet Owners

As a helpful service to those wonderful people who love, cherish, and keep little furry friends, we at the National Vole Advocacy Alliance provide the following useful tidbits for Pocket Pet (PP) owners. When carrying your wee furry guys to work, remember to keep your pockets fresh with PP litter. Letting your little Pocket Pet buddy run loose in the Mall is a great way to meet new people.
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Funny story: Pet Peeves

Pet Peeves

Hello. My name is Jackson Hoff. As a life-long editor of one publication after another, I feel it is my responsibility, occasionally, to supply a sharp, biting view of (insert topic here). I've thought long and hard about that responsibility. I think that was at breakfast like a week ago. I bet I spent 20 minutes straight kicking that around. I was deep into it when the cat knocked my pineapple ju...
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Funny story: Looking After Your Pets

Looking After Your Pets

Animal rights groups have brought to BATTL news attention that due to financial constraints more and more people are dumping their pets. This is despicable treatment of a living creature that relys on us for love, support and sustenance. Aren't we as humans supposed to be inventive and adaptable? Weren't we the ones who put a man on the moon and invented Velcro? If we are this all conquering,...
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Funny story: Archbishop reveals his drinking bears

Archbishop reveals his drinking bears

The new Archbishop of Glastonbury has spoken of how his life has changed since he discovered that his pet bears had been secretly drinking. The Most Rev Jasper Selby has had three pet bears (Bruin, Cuddly and Yogi) for 10 years. They've always bee...
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Funny story: Pet tortoise makes rapid return

Pet tortoise makes rapid return

A pet tortoise disappeared from a house in Hooselow but was discovered after five minutes scooting back through the side entrance. This could well be a world record for the return of a pet tortoise. Most tortoises disappear for weeks at a time, an...
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Funny story: San Francisco to Open First LGBT SPCA

San Francisco to Open First LGBT SPCA

San Francisco, CA - now that the Presidential election is over and once again, Democrats will get another kick at the can, certain programs, such as the one proposed by the San Francisco Lesbian Gay Bisexual & Transexual SPCA might stand a better...
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Funny story: 'Cougars' responsible for Seattle pet deaths!

'Cougars' responsible for Seattle pet deaths!

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON (ABSNN) - Seattle police confirmed today "the brutal and senseless killings of 219 companion animals" in the past two weeks. The killings were committed by 'Cougars,' but not of the feline, four-legged variety." Kings County S...
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Funny story: Years of Speech Therapy Fail to Help Talking Dog

Years of Speech Therapy Fail to Help Talking Dog

Despite years of intensive, and expensive, speech therapy, Priscilla the talking Poodle can still not pronounce her "L"'s and "Y"'s. She is now doomed to go through life telling her doting owner and best friend "I wuv woo!" The dog, a popular subj...
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Funny story: Disturbing Plastic Surgery for Pets Trend Sweeping Across United States Could Be Heading To UK

Disturbing Plastic Surgery for Pets Trend Sweeping Across United States Could Be Heading To UK

Pet owners wanting to turn their pets into lookalikes of their favourite celebrities, a craze that began in Los Angeles, could be headed to the UK. Plastic surgery for dogs and cats is big business in Tinsel Town where pet owners are paying in exc...
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Funny story: Evolution Takes GIANT Leap Forward: NY Cat Turns Vegan!

Evolution Takes GIANT Leap Forward: NY Cat Turns Vegan!

What if the law of the jungle were also the law of kindness, compassion, and love? Well, if East Village kitty Sammy Mesda has anything to do with it, one day it very well could be. Sammy, whose blackness, litheness, and sleekness can only call...
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Breaking News...

Trump Threatens to "Totally Destroy" Republican Party

President Donald Trump today expressed his disgust with the Republicans failure to pass any significant legislation. "I will totally destroy the Republican party if this continues."
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