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Elon Musk's latest invention: a paedo sniffer

The world of criminal investigation was cockahoop today after billionaire fish-faced eccentric Elon Musk revealed his latest invention. At a press conference, Musk wore one of his new prosthetic noses and was able to identify three members of the pre...

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Littlejohn Revives Spectre of Yewtree: Let Socrates Rest in Peace! (2/2)

Last time, Richard Littlejohn boldly and courageously vindicated the honour of some boring, dusty Athenian smart-arse that nobody gives a crap about. Nope! I don't mean that postmodern ivory tower casino economics dude from Syriza, but if the cap fits… Oh wait, that was a bit stereotypically "right-wing" wasn't it? Must be catching, huh? Yes, in my last column, I was long-windedly holding...

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Brighton Pier won't be charged with sex offences

Funny story: Brighton Pier won't be charged with sex offences

Brighton, West Sussex - Despite sackfuls of evidence of what really went on in the back of its dodgem bumper cars the UK's premier pleasure pier will not be charged with decades of kiddy-fiddling. This morning Crown Prosecutors admitted they'd bl...

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BBC beef up Job Application form to weed out perverts

Funny story: BBC beef up Job Application form to weed out perverts

The BBC' s human resources department has admitted changing its job application form for the first time in 50 years. Wendy Attenborough, Head of HR, explained that the BBC set up a panel of Stake Holders in November last year, in light of paedophile...

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Monster Mansion Opens Evil Celebrity Wing

Funny story: Monster Mansion Opens Evil Celebrity Wing

Wakefield Prison in Yorkshire dubbed Monster Mansion because of the particularly evil serial killers and brutal murderers held inside its grounds is building a special Celebrity Beast wing to hold the influx of once liked but now hated famous people...

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Ex: "I Knew Deep Down About Ian Watkins"

Funny story: Ex: "I Knew Deep Down About Ian Watkins"

Contrary to recent news, an ex girlfriend of Ian Watkins today revealed that she always had a "strange feeling" about his sexual preferences, with the singer now serving 39 years in prison for various sex offences against children. Ian Watkins, fo...

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Dead Paedophile Sir Jim to Spin Discs at Dead Paedophile Concert

Funny story: Dead Paedophile Sir Jim to Spin Discs at Dead Paedophile Concert

Impressarios have been queuing up to put on a Hi-Tech Hologram Show featuring a posthumous album release by a dead druggie paedophile. The paedophile cannot be named as his family sue the ass off anything that moves. Leading Necro-pervert D.J. S...

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Swan attacks the Queen

Wayne Swan, Australia's cleverest dyslexic Treasurer, has re-opened the debate about the country becoming a republic. "When Britain was an empire it had an emperor. When it was a kingdom, it had a king. Now Australia's got Julia Gillard we must becom...

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Paedophiles gearing up for their national holiday

Funny story: Paedophiles gearing up for their national holiday

Parents are warned to keep a close eye on their children this Halloween and accompany them on their Trick or Treating. "A lot of paedophiles see Halloween as Home Delivery Night," said DI Henry Hoover of Dorking CID. "We'd like to ensure that this...

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News Of The World Closes: Rates of Paedophilia Increase

Funny story: News Of The World Closes: Rates of Paedophilia Increase

Rates of sexual crime against children have risen since the closure of The News Of The World, a new report indicates. In July Rupert Murdoch's best-selling newspaper closed down over phone-whacking. The NOTW led the UK in paedophile entrapment, of...

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Children's Entertainer arrested

Funny story: Children's Entertainer arrested

Rosso Naso, a Children's Entertainer from Basingstoke has been arrested today after admitting that he liked children. "It's disgusting," said local mum, Samantha Panther. "Grown men shouldn't be allowed into a profession where they have contact wi...

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UK Government Law Proposal Angers Paedophiles

Funny story: UK Government Law Proposal Angers Paedophiles

The government have proposed to implement a 'child ban' throughout the whole of England and Wales. Current laws mean that children can freely roam the streets, live in houses and flats, attend schools, play on swings and generally be a temptation to...

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Gay Man Gives Young Boys Advice About Paedophile Groomers

Funny story: Gay Man Gives Young Boys Advice About Paedophile Groomers

A gay man in Texas has been praised for his efforts in working with local children who have suffered various forms of abuse from paedophile groomers on the internet. Larry Sabu, 20, started working with the children three months ago, and has alrea...

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School dinner lady in child sex grooming scandal

Funny story: School dinner lady in child sex grooming scandal

A dinner lady at a primary school in County Durham has not worked for two years, after being warned that her actions could be construed as grooming a child for the purposes of having sex. Mrs Dot Lavatory, 97, was witnessed by a supervisor offerin...

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Thought The Catholic Sex Scandals Were Over? Think Again!

Funny story: Thought The Catholic Sex Scandals Were Over? Think Again!

Just when the Catholics thought it was safe to emerge from the corruption closet, those pesky Belgian child-molesters have reared their paedophilic heads to keep them inside for just a little longer. Secret recordings have revealed that a senior f...

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South London Vigilante Gang Target 'Paedo's'

Funny story: South London Vigilante Gang Target 'Paedo's'

A gang of apparently dyslexic or illiterate vigilantes from South London have been attempting to target suspected paedophiles, but to date have only succeeded in assaulting innocent members of the public. The gang, calling themselves 'The Peckham...

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Sex Pest Paedophiles Offered 'Safe Haven' In Switzerland

Funny story: Sex Pest Paedophiles Offered 'Safe Haven' In Switzerland

Travel agents in the UK and US were this morning reporting a massive increase in the number of enquiries from paedophiles who wished to visit Switzerland, after the country announced that it had offered a 'safe haven' to sexual deviants who have expr...

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Increased Tax Charges for Convicted Paedophiles

Funny story: Increased Tax Charges for Convicted Paedophiles

Following the Emergency Budget on the 22nd June, the draft Finance Bill 2010 has revealed a startling proposal, which appears to have gone largely undetected until now. The proposal, seemingly hidden away in the small-print, is that convicted paed...

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Breaking news…

Trump to Continue Dictator Tour

There are still a few dictators in the world that Trump hasn't groveled to.
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