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Funny story: Mortgage Approval boost for Cameron ahead of Conference

Mortgage Approval boost for Cameron ahead of Conference

The number of new mortgages approved went up last week. The Conservatives have jumped on the news saying that the rise validates their plans to get the banks lending more. However most of the loans were for small short term deals which can be paid of...
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Funny story: More buyers on hunt for first comb

More buyers on hunt for first comb

This summer has seen an increase in potential buyers searching the market for a comb of their own. The increase has been driven by a wave of university graduates trying to improve their hair care and hair styles - often with their parents' help, a re...
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Funny story: FSA Try to recapture bolting horse

FSA Try to recapture bolting horse

In a move that has astonished nobody, the wastes of skin at the FSA have announced that they intend to get "tough" on Mortgage Brokers and the Mortgage Industry, who they claim have been exploiting consumers for "a very long time". As families acr...
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Funny story: House Prices will rise this year, say experts.

House Prices will rise this year, say experts.

There is good news finally about house prices. According to experts in the housing industry they are set to rise by the end of 2009! 'It's certain. They simply can't fail to rise,' says Tom Wimpy, an estate agent in Harlow, Essex. Prices have bee...
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Funny story: No house in Britain can be sold

No house in Britain can be sold

Not a single home nor mortgage was sold in February. Mortgage Lenders Council (MLC) figures out today show no new mortgages were sold and only 132 remortgage deals were passed. Net mortgage lending rose 43 per cent. Alex Rumpelstiltskin, MLC...
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Funny story: Universe Ends. Dow Jones Rises 50% On News.

Universe Ends. Dow Jones Rises 50% On News.

(New York-NY) The universe officially ended today, but in a surprising reaction the Dow Jones average rose fifty-percent. Its highest gain in, since time no longer exists those details were unavailable as of this writing. The fifty-percent gain p...
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Funny story: New Negative Interest Rate Shock

New Negative Interest Rate Shock

The Bank of England has again cut interest rates to a new record figure. At minus 1.5%, it means that money will, for the first time in banking history, be deducted from savings and investment accounts. Although savers will be adversely affected, t...
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Funny story: December Mortgage Figures Show 'Recovery'

December Mortgage Figures Show 'Recovery'

The financial sector has hailed the first green shoots of recovery, following the surprise announcement that mortgage approvals had unexpectedly risen for December 2008. The rise, announced by the Bank of England today, shows that mortgage lending...
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Funny story: Banks introduce new 60, 90 and 120-year intergenerational mortgages

Banks introduce new 60, 90 and 120-year intergenerational mortgages

Washington, D.C. - Faced with the reality that the US economy has been driven by extending a never-ending line of credit, until now, instead of raising the standard of living of the average American, banks have rolled out the latest product line of f...
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"Bruce Jenner drove like a prick," said a police spokesman. " Caitlyn drives like a cunt. Any questions?"
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