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Funny story: Moolah.web enters mortgage market

Moolah.web enters mortgage market

Moolah.web is set to continue their slow crucifixion of the poor with a mortgage product aimed specifically at "The desperate and gullible." Director Jacob Pretzelwitz was typically frank about the application process. "If they let us through the...
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Funny story: Freddie Mac to be downgraded from 'Satan incarnate' to 'Satan's minion'

Freddie Mac to be downgraded from 'Satan incarnate' to 'Satan's minion'

McLEAN, Va. - The nation is in utter shock to learn this week that the taxpayer-owned mortgage giant, Freddie Mac, is actually out to turn a profit. For the past two years, Freddie Mac has been placing multibillion-dollar bets that homeowners won'...
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Funny story: John Terry to move back into Barking council house

John Terry to move back into Barking council house

The mysterious finances of Chelsea skipper John Terry took another twist last night when he and his family moved back to the area where he was born - straight into a four bed council house. The 'stun' newspaper revealed he remortgaged his home in...
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Funny story: Delinquent Equity Loan Forces Foreclosure of White House

Delinquent Equity Loan Forces Foreclosure of White House

A home equity loan taken out by Congress in 2008 for much-needed renovations to the White House has fallen seriously in default and rumors are swirling that the bank holding the loan is considering foreclosure on the structure. While the first mor...
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Funny story: Banks Face Hefty Fine for Murdering Delinquent Homeowners

Banks Face Hefty Fine for Murdering Delinquent Homeowners

Dover, DE (BNSE): Justice Department investigators confirmed today they are considering possible fines and other penalties against several of the United States' largest financial institutions for the murders of hundreds of homeowners delinquent in...
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Funny story: Bank of England to cap mortgages

Bank of England to cap mortgages

When going to the polls voters always dream, as new labour put it, - "things can only get better" but then this is the method by which everything is 'packaged' these days. How gulliable are we? Just bought your car insurance? - Oh dear, you could...
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Funny story: "You're more likely to get run-over than get a mortgage" admit banks

"You're more likely to get run-over than get a mortgage" admit banks

A leading high street lender has admitted you are more likely to be run over than get a mortgage approved with their bank, and only slightly less likely to die in the bath. Banks appear to be 'advertising their wares' more than ever but an insider...
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Funny story: Calls for mortgage 'exam' before borrowing

Calls for mortgage 'exam' before borrowing

Malcolm Hurlston of the Consumer Credit Counselling Service proposed today that clients should have to pass an exam before being allowed a mortgage. Here at Spoofnews, we have obtained a draft copy of some of the exam questions: Dodgy Back Street Lender: Please answer all of the following questions by circling the appropriate answer: 1) Would you like a mortgage? Yes Reputable High...
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Funny story: Andrew Lloyd Weber to Compose Phantom of the Mortgage

Andrew Lloyd Weber to Compose Phantom of the Mortgage

After composing sentimental schmaltz after soap operatic schlock, British potboiler Andrew Lloyd Weber has announced his decision to turn to the high drama of the world of tall finance and elevated governmental corruption. Lord Andrew who receiv...
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Funny story: New York City: Jail Is "Recession Insulation"

New York City: Jail Is "Recession Insulation"

(New York-NY) Next month, the New York State Department of Corrections will launch a marketing campaign: "Jail Means Security" is the campaign's slogan. New York State Governor David Paterson announced the campaign at a press conference Friday mo...
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Funny story: No house in Britain can be sold

No house in Britain can be sold

Not a single home nor mortgage was sold in February. Mortgage Lenders Council (MLC) figures out today show no new mortgages were sold and only 132 remortgage deals were passed. Net mortgage lending rose 43 per cent. Alex Rumpelstiltskin, MLC...
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Funny story: Man Living In Cave Faces Foreclosure

Man Living In Cave Faces Foreclosure

You've heard plenty of stories about foreclosures, but the latest victims of this brutal recession are about to lose their cave they bought on eBay. That's right. For nearly five years, Charles Finny and his family have lived in a cave. His mor...
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Funny story: Government buys Everything

Government buys Everything

In a surprise move today the government announced that it will issue compulsory purchase orders for every house and plot of land in the country. The government regards this as simply an expansion of its Heathrow Airport purchase plans. A spokesp...
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Funny story: Bank Launches New "Buy Forget" Mortgage

Bank Launches New "Buy Forget" Mortgage

Buoyed by news that the Newcastle Stone bank is to be relaunched as a "Good Bank" as part of the government's efforts to stimulate lending, the lender today announced it's latest innovative product. "You've all heard of the so-called Buy-to-Let mo...
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Funny story: Obama Solves Mortgage Crisis

Obama Solves Mortgage Crisis

President-elect Barack Obama announced his plan to solve the mortgage crisis Friday morning. Effective January 31st, the government will take over all private property. "Private ownership is the root cause of these problems," said Larry Summers, O...
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Funny story: RBS delays repossessions

RBS delays repossessions

In a ray of good news during the economic crisis, RBS have stated that they will give a six month grace period to home owners defaulting on their mortgages. "We're just jolly nice chaps," said Richard Bertram-Smythe, the man who gave his initials...
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Funny story: McCain would buy bad homeowner mortgages

McCain would buy bad homeowner mortgages

Taking a break from campaigning, Senator McCain said he couldn't resist taking advantage of some very irresistible deals. Cashing in on the cheap unwanted mortgage deals, being sold by failing banks worldwide, McCain has snapped up what he calls "...
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Funny story: Paulson Proposes National Lottery to Dump Bad Mortgages!

Paulson Proposes National Lottery to Dump Bad Mortgages!

Washington,DC/ Wall Street Journal - Secretary of the Treasury, Henry Paulson, today proposed a national lottery to dispose of a significant amount of sub prime mortgages in default. Paulson's plan would mandate that state lotteries no longer use...
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Santa's Grotto now to include Customer Returns Line

Unwanted Presents can now be returned over a Lapland phone - line. Elves won't man phones as headsets incompatible with Ears.
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