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Funny story:  Chewing Gum: The New Pavement Protector

Chewing Gum: The New Pavement Protector

Special to TPN - Constance Masticar, of the International Chewing Gum association, released data that offered hope for the world's deteriorating infrastructure: "Chewing gum has been building up on the world's paved surfaces since it was first used 9...
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Funny story:  Top 10 retirement suggestions for Mayor Bloomberg

Top 10 retirement suggestions for Mayor Bloomberg

New York City - Michael Bloomberg is just weeks away from being forced out of office by an angry mob. (At least that's the way most envision his departure.) The mayor's forthcoming eviction raises the question: What's Mad Mike going to do with all of that free time he is going to have on his hands? Here are the top 10 suggestions: 1. Start by invading Poland. 2. Save a buck by doing...
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Funny story:  Bloomberg wants to turn New York into a nudist camp

Bloomberg wants to turn New York into a nudist camp

New York -- Hold on to your hatÂ… and your pants and shirt as well. The outgoing mayor is calling on his subjects to strip naked with the goal of turning New York City into the world's largest nudist colony. The proposal comes after Mayor Mike Bl...
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Funny story:  Bloomberg Requests Obama Administration to Add Soda Task to ATF

Bloomberg Requests Obama Administration to Add Soda Task to ATF

NEW YORK, NY - Mayor Michael Bloomberg has submitted a request to President Obama, asking the Federal Government to police the purchase of large, illegal, sodas. After Mayor Bloomberg signed the Big Soda Act (BS ACT) into law in June, police have...
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Funny story:  Bloomberg Bans Roller-Bags

Bloomberg Bans Roller-Bags

Mayor Michael Bloomberg has, by executive fiat, banned pedestrians from dragging roller-bags along any and all public walkways in New York. "Just the irritating sounds exuded by what must be thousands of those roller-bags with their cheap, tiny il...
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Funny story:  What triggered the economic crisis?  Accountants add it up

What triggered the economic crisis? Accountants add it up

New York -- After more than five years of intense investigations and calculations, a panel of 27 accountants has discovered the direct cause of the ongoing collapse of the world's economy. Its finding: A bookkeeper for a tax accounting firm head...
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Funny story:  Scrooge Bloomburg Plans Soda Tax On Poor

Scrooge Bloomburg Plans Soda Tax On Poor

Critics of the ban on super-sized soda drinks have panned Mayor Bloomburg for taxing the poor people of New York who drink the most soda drinks. It is predominently those people on a low income who consume the most fizzy beverages. Poor people pu...
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Funny story:  Bed bugs, vermin and primitive sanitation: Mayor Bloomberg's lowdown on Prince Charles' vacation home

Bed bugs, vermin and primitive sanitation: Mayor Bloomberg's lowdown on Prince Charles' vacation home

New York - "You wake up in the middle of the night with a hunch the royal four poster's crawling with parasites," is how the Mayor of New York described his stay at Birkhall, Scotland "Still, kinda reassuring to know the real bloodsuckers are fa...
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Funny story:  Bloomberg Picking a Puppet For Mayor

Bloomberg Picking a Puppet For Mayor

New York - With less than a year left on his tainted third term, Mayor Michael Bloomberg is personally selecting a successor -- auditioning puppet candidates for the mayoral elections that will be held this fall. The lineup of possibilities is fai...
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Funny story:  Congress to Star in a Super Bowl Commercial

Congress to Star in a Super Bowl Commercial

Hollywood - Faced with the lowest approval rating in the history of approval ratings, the United States Congress plans to promote itself with a television ad produced specifically to run during the Super Bowl. "Everybody keeps making fun of us," c...
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Funny story:  Bloomberg Confuses Gun Rights With Gay Rights & Blows His Brains Out

Bloomberg Confuses Gun Rights With Gay Rights & Blows His Brains Out

New York - Mayor Michael Bloomberg was released from Bellevue Hospital today after being treated for what's being called "a firearm mishap." It appears that the mayor mistook a pistol for a penis and discharged the gun into his cranium. Who will...
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Funny story:  Six months before Mayor Bloomberg's soda ban takes effect, high-volume "Soft-Drink Speakeasies" appear all over New York City

Six months before Mayor Bloomberg's soda ban takes effect, high-volume "Soft-Drink Speakeasies" appear all over New York City

Brooklyn--Less than five days after New York City's Board of Health voted 8-0 in favor of Mayor Bloomberg's ban on sugary drinks larger than 16oz., "soda-pop speakeasies'' began sprouting up all over the five boroughs. "It started as a joke...
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Funny story:  NYC Street Vendors Threaten Mayor Bloomberg with a Strike

NYC Street Vendors Threaten Mayor Bloomberg with a Strike

New York, NY: New York City (NYC) Mayor Michael Bloomberg intends to restrict sugary soft drink sales to less than 16 ounce servings at city restaurants, movie theaters and stadiums. NYC street vendors met with the mayor over concerns that the pro...
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Funny story:  Fighting Obesity:  NYC Mayor Bans Double D Breasts from Breast-Feeding

Fighting Obesity: NYC Mayor Bans Double D Breasts from Breast-Feeding

Dozens of New York City hospitals are instructing mothers of newborns about the myriad benefits of breast milk and to urge them to breast-feed their infants instead of resorting to substandard formulas. "Not only is it healthier than commercial alte...
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Funny story:  Spider-Man Has Sandwich Named for Him at Carnegie Deli

Spider-Man Has Sandwich Named for Him at Carnegie Deli

It's Spider-Man week in NYC. To celebrate, the world-famous Carnegie Deli has announced a special sandwich. It's called "The Spidey." At Grand Central Station yesterday the man himself talked about the sandwich and said he couldn't wait to dig his...
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Funny story:  If Asteroids Can Be Weighed from Afar, So Can New Yorkers

If Asteroids Can Be Weighed from Afar, So Can New Yorkers

According to NYC Mayor Mike Bloomberg, that is. He was reading an article, "Asteroid weighed from millions of miles away," on Softpedia.com, when he began jumping up and down for joy. Not satisfied with his plan to limit the size of sugary drinks...
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Funny story:  Mayor of New York Bans any Sweet drink over an Ounce

Mayor of New York Bans any Sweet drink over an Ounce

New York City Mayor, NeverBloomed, who in all honestly from the looks of him has never had a piece of trans fat pass his lips, more or less a really Super Duper Big Gullapi, has now put into law that no one shall have a really supery sugary wonderful...
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Funny story:  Anti-Fat Mayor:  NYC Resturants Forced to Feed Diners on 5-Inch Plates

Anti-Fat Mayor: NYC Resturants Forced to Feed Diners on 5-Inch Plates

In his never-ending assault on obesity, NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg has ruled that as of July 1, 2012, restaurants in the five boroughs will now serve all foods on plates no larger than five inches in diameter. The Mayor, in yesterday's news confe...
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Italy awards world's best pizza maker title to Australian chef

For his inspired Kangaroo Basil Compost Delight!

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