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Funny story: My life as a man #05

My life as a man #05

I may not be the brightest bulb on the porch, the sharpest knife in the drawer; I'm no Edison; my philosophy may not be up to Kant's; but I am not as dumb as a bag of hammers either, except when I'm drunk at 0-dark-30, and decide to call up some old gal I haven't seen since 1969, and tell her husband that she's mine and "I'm a-comin to get her!" Or worse, I cry and tell her I never stopped loving...
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Funny story: My Senior Moments for W/E: 9th September 2012

My Senior Moments for W/E: 9th September 2012

Monday 3rd September * Gawd heavens... new pains in groin today. * Went over to see the lovely Margaret. She seemed a little less tired today. Walked her home, and I invested in some Health lottery tickets... I am a fool, as if I stood a chance... huh! * No walks today, spent ages on laptop, burnt another saucepan, and dropped then stood on a tomato. * By gum life's exciting! Tuesda...
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Funny story: Historical Walks of Ye Olde Nottingham - Along Bulwell Main Street

Historical Walks of Ye Olde Nottingham - Along Bulwell Main Street

Join our guide for the day, Senior Citizen and Nottingham resident Bartholomew Utterswaite, for a walk down Along Bulwell Main Street today, comparing the same walk with that of 1963, when your guide was working on that same street. We stroll from what today is the KFC take away, at the end of Hucknall Lane along Main Street into Bulwell Market and the train and tram Station. We start off at...
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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Fifty-One - A Night to Remember

A True Diary of Woe - Part Fifty-One - A Night to Remember

A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 94 - A Night to Remember The path from the guard base, to the undercover police car compound, and the awaiting swipe point, was no longer than perhaps 800 yards, there and back, at the most. It was dark as usual, 0215hrs, the broken up old fa...
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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Fifty-Two - The Easter Parade

A True Diary of Woe - Part Fifty-Two - The Easter Parade

A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 95 - The Nottingham 9th Company Boys Brigade Band's Easter Parade I had been invited to play the drums on the Nottingham 9th Company Boys Brigade Band's Easter Parade around the Meadows area of Nottingham, and really wanted to take part. Unf...
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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Fifty - The Team Building Weekend!

A True Diary of Woe - Part Fifty - The Team Building Weekend!

A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 93 - Off on the Company Team Building Weekend I was working at a factory in Kegworth, in the engineering stores at the time. We were getting ready to set off in the mini-buses for a relaxing ride out into the Derbyshire hills for a week-end o...
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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Forty-Nine

A True Diary of Woe - Part Forty-Nine

A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 92 - The wind blew hard across the decaying graffiti'd gravestone littered cemetery.... The wind blew hard across the decaying graveyard. Creating unholy noises, and blowing up the Guards trouser legs something rotten, as he made his way acro...
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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Forty-Eight - The Night of the Flood

A True Diary of Woe - Part Forty-Eight - The Night of the Flood

A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 91 - The Night of the Flood The site was well out into the sticks, and consisted of the main factory, 12 electricity substations, and 3 separate warehouses, a fish pond (really no joke!) a secondary site with 15 lorries, offices, a fuelling po...
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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Forty-Seven - Stanley Matthews or Jonah?

A True Diary of Woe - Part Forty-Seven - Stanley Matthews or Jonah?

A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 91 - Stanley Matthews, or Jonah? It was on a very heavy muddy wet playing field come pitch, come quagmire on Melbourne Road Park, that I made my first (and only) appearance in the Nottingham Thursday Football League, for the Nottingham Co-op S...
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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Forty-Six

A True Diary of Woe - Part Forty-Six

A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 89 - A dark, dank, overcast night... It was a dark, dank, overcast night, with a roving light mist coming and going, interspersed with a get-you-soaking-wet light drizzle. I was assigned to a site that was about 14 miles out of Nottingham, in...
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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Forty-Five

A True Diary of Woe - Part Forty-Five

A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 88 - After the Heart Operation My first memory, was of the pain, and all the paraphernalia sticking into and out of seemingly all of my crevices. Slowly it dawned on me where I was, and what had taken place. I could not make out much detai...
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Funny story: My Beloved Griselda - Part Five - 'The Highlight of her visit'

My Beloved Griselda - Part Five - 'The Highlight of her visit'

My association with Griselda, was without doubt, the most physically satisfying and passion filled period of my sad life, and I still miss the chemistry of our entwined bodies in complete and utter ecstasy and pleasurable pain. My delight in her ability to lift me up, turn me over, and carry me around the room while tasting my foibles will remain with me forever. The Highlight of her visit G...
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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Forty-Four - The Inspector Calls!

A True Diary of Woe - Part Forty-Four - The Inspector Calls!

A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 87 - The Inspector Calls Well.. he was expected to! The manager of the Tesco I was working at in Nottingham on what was then called Granby Street, but later became Maid Marion Way, informed me that the new Area Inspector (of Tesco stores) Mr P...
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Funny story: My Senior Moments - W/E Sunday 19th February 2012

My Senior Moments - W/E Sunday 19th February 2012

Selected Senior Moments suffered by a Nottingham Senior Citizen. In the hopes of raising a laugh at them, and making them easier to live with. Sunday 12th February: * Woke up, went into kitchen and thought 'That's nice, it's not so cold this morning'. I'd left the oven on all night! * Made a cuppa, then put the tea bags in the fridge and left the milk out? * Put me Impetigo cream on me lesi...
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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Forty-Three

A True Diary of Woe - Part Forty-Three

A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 87 - Guarding: The Tunnel Chase - a rare Victory Well... I say victory... I was assigned to an out of the way Brick making company just outside of Nottingham. The site was spread over the brow of a hill. At the bottom. the offices, then the st...
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Funny story: My beloved Griselda - Part Four - The meal

My beloved Griselda - Part Four - The meal

My association with Griselda, was without doubt, the most romantically and passion filled period of my sad life, and I still miss the chemistry of our entwined bodies in complete and utter ecstasy and pleasurable pain. My delight in her ability to lift me up, turn me over, and carry me around the room while tasting my foibles will remain with me forever. The Meal I went into the room to ask...
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Funny story: My beloved Griselda - Part Three - Our first trip out, to the Cinema

My beloved Griselda - Part Three - Our first trip out, to the Cinema

Part Three - Our first trip out, to the Cinema We were going to see 'Das Boot' at the Metropole Cinema in Sherwood, Nottingham. Not far from the flat I had the erotic pleasure of sharing with my beloved Griselda. I was on the step ladder, hanging the curtains, when she reminded me to get ready in time, as she lifted me down from the step ladder, and carried me in her magnificent rippling arm...
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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Forty-One

A True Diary of Woe - Part Forty-One

A diary of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, which started in August 1947 Chapter 82 - Escorting the Prisoner After being on the minimum wage for so long, it came as a surprise to me when the boss asked if I'd like to do higher paid assignment for a day. I jumped at the chance. Then it came to light that it was a Prisoner Escort job, with an in...
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