Funny satire stories about mayonnaise

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Crisis in the Clinton Campaign

Funny story: Crisis in the Clinton Campaign

As the Clinton campaign prepares to go to Portland, Oregon in 3 weeks it is in serious negotiations with the Oregon event organizers. A crisis has emerged over the mayonnaise brand that will be used in potato salad at the event. It turns out t...

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Man "pumped full of Mayonnaise"

Horror overtook shoppers in an Altrincham ASDA, where a man slipped on a discarded Plum, and skidded head first into a pallet of Mayonnaise. For the next twelve minutes, the man, a local embalmer, Toby Lion, was encased in the pallet, and with no...

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Frank Lampard and Christine Bleakley To Wed In Mayo?

Funny story: Frank Lampard and Christine Bleakley To Wed In Mayo?

Excitement is growing in the condiments community over speculation that Chelsea star Frank Lampard is to wed his TV presenter squeeze Christine Bleakley in mayonnaise later this year. Rumours that the wedding will take place at Ashford Castle, Con...

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Mayonnaise company bank-rolling war in Afghanistan?

Mayonnaise giants Hellmann's have been rumoured as the biggest source of funding for the continued war in Afghanistan. According to hearsay and, well, lies, the company has been supplying weapons, intelligence and condiments to British troops afte...

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Energy Drinks On The Go

Funny story: Energy Drinks On The Go

For anyone who has been homeless for more than a day, mayonnaise is a real Godsend. It can be acquired at almost all fast food restaurants for free and it provides just enough calories to sustain one's energy level for a few more miserable hours, or until they can scrounge up something else to eat from a dumpster. Mayonnaise as we all know is most commonly used as a sandwich spread but duri...

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Afghan Entrepreneur falls foul of Mayonnaise Trademarks

Funny story: Afghan Entrepreneur falls foul of Mayonnaise Trademarks

An Afghani Entrepreneur, Alsari-Al Heinze, has today lost out in an Afghanistan court in a battle of copyright and trademark infringements over the production of his mayonnaise. Heinze's latest product, the first mayonnaise from the region had bee...

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Obama Calls Food Manufacturing Company Racist

Funny story: Obama Calls Food Manufacturing Company Racist

Barack Obama, newly sworn in President of the United States, has stated that manufacturers of the condiment mayonnaise are all racists and need to work to change their image. From the White House Press Room, he delivered the following statement.

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Breaking news…

The Only Way to Get the Palestinians to the Table

Our Middle East correspondent M. Voltaire opines: If you want PLO/Hamas to come to the Peace Table, set out copious quantities of rancid cheese --it's the only enticing incentive for street rats.
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