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Funny story: Don't masturbate or your hand will get pregnant

Don't masturbate or your hand will get pregnant

Men who masturbate have been given a dire warning by a Muslim televangelist who claimed live on TV that they will find their hands PREGNANT in the afterlife. Mucahid Cihad Han made the bizarre statement in a question and answer session on a radica...
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Funny story: Man deemed too fat to wank gets relief from NHS

Man deemed too fat to wank gets relief from NHS

Bernard Buttspike, 44, is arguably the UK's fattest man at a gut-busting 71 stone. Bernard, who has never had a job and who is estimated to have received over half a million pounds in benefits over the last 25 years, has long claimed that he is 't...
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Funny story: Apple grabs the wrist for its next fashion destination

Apple grabs the wrist for its next fashion destination

Cupertino, California -- Following up on the overwhelming success of its family of smart wristwatches, Apple has staked out the area where your hand joins your arm as the market space for a new line of standalone fashions. Meet Apple Wrist Wearables.
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Funny story: Mark Stone can still jerk off

Mark Stone can still jerk off

There was a scary moment in last night's game between the Ottawa Senators and the Montreal Canadiens. Following a PK Subban slash, Ottawa's Mark Stone collapse on the ice, writhing in pain. He promptly left the ice holding his right wrist. "I'm o...
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Funny story: Michael Sam "Other Gay NFL Players Have Reached Around To Me"

Michael Sam "Other Gay NFL Players Have Reached Around To Me"

Washington DC - He may not actually be with an NFL team right now, but that doesn't stop Michael Sam, the first openly gay player drafted by an NFL team, from suggesting very strongly he is. In a speech at the Holocaust Museum in the nation's capita...
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Funny story: Elizabeth Warren's Son, "I'm a Heterosexual"

Elizabeth Warren's Son, "I'm a Heterosexual"

Boston - Calling his mother a "manipulative, lying, exploitive, self-serving, opportunist," Dave Warren, her eldest son, adamantly denied being gay. "Mom outed me to a group of fund raisers so she could get their money. She likes to portray hersel...
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Funny story: Flaw spotted in new Apple iWatch - Unexpected "Wank Dialling"

Flaw spotted in new Apple iWatch - Unexpected "Wank Dialling"

Santa Clara, CA- Apple acknowledged today a basic malfunction in its IWatch and says a fix is in the works. "It wank dials," said James Bender, Executive Vice-President of Product Design. iWatch owners who masturbate while wearing the watch...
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Funny story: Jeb Bush Flip Flop - Now Favors Corn Holing

Jeb Bush Flip Flop - Now Favors Corn Holing

Des Moines, IA - As Governor of Florida, he said one thing, but now that he's fighting for the Republican Presidential nomination in Iowa, Jeb Bush, the brother of former President George w. Bush, is saying another - that he thinks "corn holing" is g...
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Funny story: Michelle Obama Urges San Quentin Prisoners To "Hold Off 'Til Marriage"

Michelle Obama Urges San Quentin Prisoners To "Hold Off 'Til Marriage"

San Quentin, CA - On a speaking tour to tout her husband's evolution towards support of gay marriage, Michelle Obama had her limousine caravan come to a sudden screeching halt outside of San Quentin prison in California, so she could lecture inmates...
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Funny story: Pope offers new guidelines for flock's bedroom behavior

Pope offers new guidelines for flock's bedroom behavior

Once again, Pope Francis is trying to manage the intimate details of the lives of his flock. Previously, in a mixed metaphor, the pontiff raised eyebrows by suggesting that the faithful, who are made in God's image, are "not rabbits" and should no...
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Funny story: Local Woman Reaches One-Million Level On Kandy Krush

Local Woman Reaches One-Million Level On Kandy Krush

Philadelphia, PA-- A South Philadelphian spinster has done the impossible and reached the 1,000,000th level on Kandy Krush. Miss Vicky Smegma made the remarkable achievement last night after two years of constantly playing the addictive game. She c...
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Funny story: Congress to Outlaw Coitus Interruptis - 'Just Another Sleazy Way to Avoid Pregnancy!

Congress to Outlaw Coitus Interruptis - 'Just Another Sleazy Way to Avoid Pregnancy!

A new Republican bill before Congress criminalizes coitus interruptis --the act of male withdrawal during heterosexual intercourse seconds before orgasm so as to avoid pregnancy. "If we're going to illegalize abortion and birth control," said Rep...
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Funny story: Madonna Posing Topless As Aging Male Fans Hope They're Still Erection-Capable

Madonna Posing Topless As Aging Male Fans Hope They're Still Erection-Capable

At 56, Madonna has posed topless for a magazine photo shoot, hoping to prove that the same 16-year-old boys first experiencing the wonders of manhood by masturbating to her nude photos 30 years ago, will still do as lonely, broken, well-moisturized m...
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Funny story: Official - Wanking Not A Cause Of Blindness!

Official - Wanking Not A Cause Of Blindness!

A Medical Journal has published sensational clinical trial results proving that continuous wanking is not a cause of blindness. The results, published in "Better Lancit" contradicted what was commonly believed to be the truth. In the controlled e...
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Funny story: Armless man caught masturbating on subway

Armless man caught masturbating on subway

A disturbing scene unfolded on the Los Angeles Metro Red Line Monday afternoon (Yes, L.A. actually does have mass transit), when an armless man began masturbating on the train in plain sight. The incident, which occurred around 4:30 PM between th...
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Funny story: Masturbation Police May Be Necessary

Masturbation Police May Be Necessary

Joni Ernst, the GOP candidate for the U.S. Senate in Iowa today spoke about the "sanctity of sacred sperm." "While it is true that a fertilized egg is a person, which is my position that certainly outlaws abortion in the cases of rape or incest,...
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Funny story: Tybee Man Tells Son That 'Selfies' Could Make Him Go Blind

Tybee Man Tells Son That 'Selfies' Could Make Him Go Blind

A Tybee Island father who tried to lecture his son on the dangers of 'selfies', after learning his son had posted about them on Facebook has made a complete fool of himself. Kevin Weller, 47, told his 15 year old son, Bobby, that not only were 's...
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Funny story: Marathon Session Of James Bond DVD Viewing Comes To Abrupt Halt

Marathon Session Of James Bond DVD Viewing Comes To Abrupt Halt

A Florida man's highly anticipated weekend of watching every James Bond on DVD came to a sudden and abrupt halt mid way through the movie 'Die Another Day'. The man, who can not be named for legal reasons (imminent divorce proceedings), was mid wa...
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Breaking News...

Obama Kicked Out Of Kenya, Visa Rescinded

President Obama left Kenya today after its President grew exasperated with Obama's incessant harping about "gay rights" during a visit that was supposed to be about security cooperation and trade.
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