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Funny satire stories about martyrdom

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Paradise Unsure of What to Do With Martyr Couple

Funny story: Paradise Unsure of What to Do With Martyr Couple

"This has us stumped," said a spokesangel in Paradise. "I mean, do we give them each seventy-two virgins? Do we make them share the same seventy-two? In the latter case, should there be thirty-six male virgins and thirty-six female?" "Or, do w...

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Republican Party to Reposition Themselves As Party of Sacrifice and Martyrdom

Funny story: Republican Party to Reposition Themselves As Party of Sacrifice and Martyrdom

Washington, DC-Republican Party officials agreed that the party was full of sacrificing martyrs, who wish that they could be a positive force for change in the world but instead must stick to their mission of totally screwing over Obama until the end...

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Archbishop of Canterbury Thomas à Becket to be assassinated in December by four drunken knights; ridding kingdom of "that turbulent priest" and creating yet another 'Martyr Stop & Shop' for the British tourist industry

Funny story: Archbishop of Canterbury Thomas à Becket to be assassinated in December by four drunken knights; ridding kingdom of "that turbulent priest" and creating yet another 'Martyr Stop & Shop' for the British tourist industry

Thomas à Becket, 52, was appointed the Archbishop of Canterbury in 1162. In a statement on his website, the head of the 85 million-strong Anglican Communion said serving as archbishop had been "an immense privilege". He said that news of his...

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President Nodinnajaquet of Iran declares fatwah on heaps of "western" symbols.

Funny story: President Nodinnajaquet of Iran declares fatwah on heaps of "western" symbols.

Having declared that the Olympic logo for London 2012 spells the word "Zion", threatening to withdraw the Iranian Olympic team from their first brush with western democracy, President Nodinnajaquet of Iran has now declared a fatwah on many more weste...

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One of the '72 Virgins' Has Been Waiting to Get Laid for 54 Years

Funny story: One of the '72 Virgins' Has Been Waiting to Get Laid for 54 Years

RIYADH PROVINCE, Saudi Arabia--In this arid part of the Desert Kingdom lives Ghaniyah Hisen, whose name means "beautiful," but apparently Arab men haven't read the memo, because the woman has gone without a man her entire 54 years. "Would it kil...

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Flatlining Jihadist says martyrdom is actually hell

Funny story: Flatlining Jihadist says martyrdom is actually hell

An emulation of the 1990 film "Flatliners", where a chap (a loud-mouthed American student-type played by Keifer Sutherland) experiences clinical death for a period of 1 minute before being brought back to life, has knocked martyrdom on the...

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Jabba the Trump

I find when I watch cable news in the morning, I much prefer watching Donald Trump talk with the volume off. Imagine an orange Jabba the Hutt as a talentless mime.
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