1)Stop exercising it's making you ill. It gets in the way of drinking time, trash T.V. and arguing with your family. The lycra makes you look ridiculous. Elasticated waistbands aren't that bad.
2) Ditch the diet. For good. Your adult weight has gone from 120 to 160 pounds over the course of a year. Up and down like an out-of-control elevator. Accept that you're a fat bastard and get on with it.
NEW YORK, NY--When Jerry Elmswick dropped out of college in 1996 to start his own travel agency, he faced a rapid barrage of criticism and disapproval from his friends and family. 17 years later, Elmswick can finally stand up and tell all of his doub...
This magazine article is dedicated to our local tramp called Kninky by the local inhabitants in this down to earth, Dutch village called Tegelen.
"A day in the life" by Jaggedone
"Got up, got out of bed (two copies of the local newspaper De Limburger Dagblad and a park bench, if you're lucky!), didn't put a comb across my head because I couldn't find one in the rubbish bins yesterday"
"Ea...
United Nations-- A group of scientists addressed the United Nations today, with some stunning news for everyone on the planet. It seems the last fourteen years never really happened--it was all a dream. Everyone on Earth has been hallucinating. It...
New York attorney Diana Campbell was proud of having earned her law degree at the age of 54. She had steady work that wasn't too mentally demanding and which served to pay the bills. And, after nearly three decades of therapy and twelve-step work, sh...
Human infant is, in fact, born as a helpless creature. The baby lacks any inherited mechanism for behavior. However, the child gradually learns how to behave by means of an educational mechanism known as culture. This cultural mechanism teaches the child skills, knowledge and the accepted norms of dealing with people and the supernatural forces surrounding man. Culture is no longer believed to be...
The advent and incredible popularity of the Internet has resulted in an outbreak of the strange psychological malady known as 'Freeitis'.
Freeitis is a recent mental disease in which a person, growing used to getting everything for free on the Internet, ie. free downloads, free music, free videos, etc., then grows to expect everything in life to be for free. Some of those afflicted, usually ha...
New York, NY-- Google Earth has discovered the mythical River Styx, but don't look for it on their website. Everyone who had anything to do with its discovery is already dead. Managers at Google Earth have decided to keep the information secret 'fo...
HOW TO DIE
How to die. That is the question posed by the nation's magazine. But, is it:
TIME TO DIE
It probably is if you are an establishment news magazine that feeds people propaganda that is no longer believed by people capable of reading for themselves on the internet what is happening.
That is why TheSpoof.com says
TIME TO LIVE
Time to enjoy some humor. SO, forget about dy...
A newly published report by Dr. Beatrice Bender, Director of the New Center for Science, dismisses parallel universes as a waste of time; according to Dr. Bender, the perpendicular universe is where it's at.
Announced Dr. Bender, "People want scie...
Are you a spiritual seeker? Hundreds of Americans reportedly are. For instance, for his whole life, Josh Carlton of New York City has been trying to find love. Stephanie Lambert of San Francisco wants to find the meaning of life. For Leigh Shields o...
While the so-called near-death experience (NDE) is a relatively commonly known phenomenon, scientists have for the first time encountered what appears to be a near-life experience (NLE).
The very first documented NLE account came from 41-year-old...
In a surprisingly good twist of fate I've been dating someone for the past two months who has yet to shock and horrify me. Fear not, his freak flag will fly sooner or later and make for a very interesting post, but until I can publicly mock him I will need to look a little harder to find inspiration.
During my journey home from one of our "slumber parties" (after telling the tourist blocking th...
A government report on education in the UK, published today, draws radical, new conclusions about the causes of the apparent decline in educational standards.
'It had become established wisdom that young people were becoming more stupid,' explaine...
In a shock discovery made by an undercover reporter from the 'Daily Muckspreader', it has been revealed that one of the UK's leading life insurance providers have been fleecing their customers.
The Athieva Life Insurance company stands accused of...
I'm feeling old lately. Not the kind of old Bill Cosby used to schlep about in his stand-up routine, lamenting the inevitable forgetfulness that comes with age, like the panic you feel when you've forgotten who you're calling before the intended party has answered the phone. It's more an ever-growing sense that there is a chasm that's widening between myself and the past. It first hit me while lis...
Proverbs are trickles of man's life. An instance is 'Set a thief to catch a thief'. None of the species, in animal kingdom, favor being robbed. When prevention failed, 10 commandments came in: 'Thou shalt not steal'; but the command fell short, too. Then constables were hired; no abatement. Additionally, an unsanctioned alliance took place between the thieves and the constables; from that point on...
15 Dec 2011: Armed robbers made off with cash after raiding a post office in Nottingham
'Nottingham Today'
Two men wearing scarves over their faces entered the shop in Hucknall Road, Sherwood, at 11.10am on Wednesday and demanded money.
Witnesses say that one of the men was carrying a gun. The pair made off with a quantity of cash in a grey bag and fled the scene in a stolen Black Audi A3...