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Drug Addicts Fund A Kick-Starter Account To Free El Chapo

Funny story: Drug Addicts Fund A Kick-Starter Account To Free El Chapo

Everytown, U.S.A - Coke heads, crack heads, pill freaks and heroin junkies have all banded together in support of freeing their beloved El Chapo, the Mexican drug lord, from prison, by opening a Kick-Starter page. "Our goal is to raise enough mone...

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Lois Lane, Clark Kent Advocate For Clean Needle Exchange

Funny story: Lois Lane, Clark Kent Advocate For Clean Needle Exchange

In the past, conservatives successfully pushed Congress to prohibit federal dollars from being used to distribute sterile syringes to intravenous drug users. Now, with a severe outbreak of H.I.V. and hepatitis due to a surge in heroin use in states...

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Smack my bitch up as Queen's corgi tests positive for skag

Funny story: Smack my bitch up as Queen's corgi tests positive for skag

London - One of Queen Elizardbirth's ghastly corgis has been caught shooting up heroin at a Kennel Club party. Royal Protection Racket sniffer dogs caught canine smack head Duchess Kate walking the dog in Rotten Row, London's top hangout for palac...

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Massachusetts Police Stop Obamacare Heroin!

Funny story: Massachusetts Police Stop Obamacare Heroin!

Massachusetts state police say they've stopped a car carrying 1,250 packets of heroin stamped "Obamacare" and "Kurt Cobain" and arrested the four people inside the car. They sometimes use numbers to show grade of Heroin but we have never seen anyt...

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Uproar in the Washington Senate.

Funny story: Uproar in the Washington Senate.

Washington: Senator Paddy O'Hare of Massachusetts was yesterday bundled out of a debate in the Senate on additional funding to be made to contain rogue states such as Syria from using chemical weapons. Uproar broke out when O'Hare was invited by the...

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Still No Conspiracy Theory in Singer's Death

This April will mark the ninth anniversary of the death of Alice in Chains singer Layne Staley. Yet, almost a decade after the sad event, no conspiracy theory has been put forth to explain the vocalist's demise. According to Kyle Starbuck, a mus...

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Scientist Finds the Same Cure for both H1N1 Influenza and Obesity

Funny story: Scientist Finds the Same Cure for both H1N1 Influenza and Obesity

A Scientist from Sweden has announced that both Swine Flu and obesity can be cured by the same very common drug. In fact the drug is so common that it can be found on any street corner in Britain. It is however illegal, and this announcement has ca...

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Karkai rescues British economy

Funny story: Karkai rescues British economy

President Karzai has come to the rescue of the British economy after a personal appeal from David Cameron, made during his visit to Afghanistan. Arrangements are being made for a major aid package to be put together to help Britain. Immediate ste...

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"Dolly Parton" Caught Smuggling Heroin Under Big Boobs

Funny story: "Dolly Parton" Caught Smuggling Heroin Under Big Boobs

She had the famous blond wig and tight pants but something just didn't look right to some passengers coming into New York City's JFK Airport so several talked to security guards. "This is a southern lady alright, plus she does a good imitation of...

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DEA pips NASA to discover dark matter: It's mostly Heroin

Funny story: DEA pips NASA to discover dark matter: It's mostly Heroin

Anonymous DEA agent and his trusty dog Milo have found dark matter. "This God person or the Klingons and Romulans that are supposed to be out there in the Universe, they've got to be hiding their stash somewhere. And you know they're not going to cal...

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Peaches Geldof Fury Over Topless Tattoo Booze-Fuelled Naked Heroin Viagra Scientology Sex Pics

Funny story: Peaches Geldof Fury Over Topless Tattoo Booze-Fuelled Naked Heroin Viagra Scientology Sex Pics

Peaches Geldof, the 21 year old daughter of Saint Bob Geldof of Live Aid was furious this morning after a series of photos appeared on the internet, purporting to depict a naked booze and heroin fuelled one night stand warmed up with viagra and polis...

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Heroin Prescription For Addicts Available Over The Counter

Prescribing heroine on the NHS could be the way forward when it comes to treating addicts, according to Jack Straw. The justice secretary's comments come in the wake of a scheme in which heroines were given to addicts in supervised clinics had led...

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Heroin addicts say 'yes' to free heroin in shock survey

Funny story: Heroin addicts say 'yes' to free heroin in shock survey

A pilot scheme which gave free heroin to heroin addicts discovered they were less likely to pay for heroin from street dealers. Totally useless politicians have hailed the scheme a success after heroin addicts said that getting free heroin wheneve...

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Con-genital valium deficiency behind Jackson the smack addict

Funny story: Con-genital valium deficiency behind Jackson the smack addict

Los Angeles - (ReUterus & Toxic Ass Mess): "How long can ya keep up this pethidine/methadone scrip fantasy?" was today's rant from Michael Jackson's smack dealer's attorney following pressure from the family to up-play Wacko's prescription meds n...

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Food Industry Touts Health Benefits Of Heroin

Funny story: Food Industry Touts Health Benefits Of Heroin

Leading food industry specialists are now touting the health benefits of heroin. Following a trend in which food substances formerly famous as being detrimental to health are now 'discovered' to have healthy attributes, heroin, once seen as a vic...

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Britain's Pensioners Turn To Heroin

Funny story: Britain's Pensioners Turn To Heroin

Britain's pensioners are turning to hard core drugs in droves to escape the gritty reality of their useless lives in today's society, a report has today revealed. Pensioners are hounding down dealers on sink estates asking for cut price heroin and...

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High School Musical 3 to tackle real issues

Funny story: High School Musical 3 to tackle real issues

Waltfilms have revealed that the hotly anticipated 'High School Musical 3' will focus on realistic themes that will 'resonate better with the target audience.' Joe Robben, a press spokesman for Waltfilms worldwide, told us 'Setting it in Dundee gi...

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Top 5 Reasons Your Teenager Needs to be on Hardcore Drugs:

1.) Drugs are insanely cool. Teens can jump start their popularity status by just injecting a couple of heroin shots-it's just that easy. Try mixing different hardcore drugs to get stronger effects; plus the higher you get, the cooler you become.

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Breaking news…

National Park Service Rewrites Statue of Liberty Plaque

"Give me your strong, your rich, your workers yearning to breathe capitalism. Send no homeless, impoverished, or those seeking refuge from MS-13 to me. I want no trash to tarnish our golden door."
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