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Funny story:  This year's most popular Christmas gifts

This year's most popular Christmas gifts

It's that time of year again. Shop windows are full of Christmas gifts, Christmas adverts are beginning to be shown on TV, and only one question is on everyone's mind - what to buy their arsehole family for Christmas this year. Here are some suggesti...
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Funny story:  Bill Gates' Awesome Christmas Gift For His Wife

Bill Gates' Awesome Christmas Gift For His Wife

SHEBOYGAN, Wisconsin - A few weeks ago Bill Gates, 57, visited the town of Sheboygan which is situated on Lake Michigan. Gates traveled to the Wisconsin city to see about purchasing the famous lake which is one of the five famous Great Lakes. T...
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Funny story:  Vice-President Joe Biden's Christmas Gift

Vice-President Joe Biden's Christmas Gift

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Jill Biden has said that she always likes to do her Christmas shopping three weeks before Christmas. She added that she learned her lesson back in 1993, when she got got caught in a shoppers stampede at a mall in Dover, Delaware...
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Funny story:  Prince William's Royal Wedding list is published

Prince William's Royal Wedding list is published

Now that the Royal Wedding invitations have been issued to all the relatives, VIP's, friends, hangers-on and Palmer-Tomkinsons, Prince William and Kate Middleton have issued their wedding list. Rumour has it that the happy couple would have prefer...
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Funny story:  Useless Gifts 8 : Name A Star After Someone

Useless Gifts 8 : Name A Star After Someone

This is pretty much the same thing as the "Plant a Tree" gift. Equally thoughtless and pointless, anyone that gets a star named after them as a gift will resent you. How is this a good gift? As if anyone who gets a star named after them will look at the sky every night for a few hours, finally find their star, and then say, "Hey! There's me!" The site has several different kinds of packages,...
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Funny story:  Useless Gifts 7 :  The Electric Chair

Useless Gifts 7 : The Electric Chair

That's right; you can buy an electric chair. And at only just above £800, no less! What better way to tell someone you hate them and want them to die than by getting them their own fully-operational electric chair? The website for this chair reads, "It's not a model or toy, mind you... This is a real piece of furniture carefully built by some very skilled (and very strange) craftsmen. You and...
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Funny story:  Useless Gifts 6 : The Can Crusher

Useless Gifts 6 : The Can Crusher

Honey? I need a favour... You drink a lot of lager and cans of cider. I got a letter from the council saying that if we didn't start crushing of those cans when we put out the recycle stuff they would turn our property into the newest landfill area and possibly set our house on fire with burning garbage. But, you see, the problem is that I have a lot of trouble stamping on a can to make it f...
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Funny story:  Useless Gifts 5 : Plant A Tree For Someone

Useless Gifts 5 : Plant A Tree For Someone

Okay, this is just a complete bullshit gift. Anyone who gives you the magical fairy-tale gift of a tree being planted didn't really get you anything because they're cheap. The website would like you to believe that, "It's caring, thoughtful, new and different! It's environmentally safe and Easy to Order Everyone will love it! It's a unique way to say... Happy Christmas!" It's unique, all righ...
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Funny story:  Useless Gifts 4 : 9 Volt Battery

Useless Gifts 4 : 9 Volt Battery

In theory, this isn't really a gift but a part of another gift that needs these batteries to dance and shout obnoxious catch phrases, but I'm pretty sure that somewhere, someone bought a pack of 9V batteries for their kid's present and that's all the poor little bastard is getting because eToys recommends this "gift" for 8-year-olds. And that is sad. Here's a list of things to do with a battery...
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Funny story:  Useless Gifts 3 : The Barbie Laptop For Kids

Useless Gifts 3 : The Barbie Laptop For Kids

The website says this about Barbie's Laptop: "With this Barbie laptop, children get tutored by Barbie in essential first and second stage skills." Yeah, I think that's because that's as far as the stupid bitch got. Tell me, when someone mentions the phrase "intelligent toy," does Barbie even pretend to cross your mind before you get bored and stop caring? Of course not. Having Barbie teach l...
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Funny story:  Useless Gifts 1 : The Clapper

Useless Gifts 1 : The Clapper

Nothing says, "I wish you'd get trampled by a parade of gorillas" like giving someone a clapper. There's only a few reasons someone of reasonable intelligence would buy someone a clapper: - The person you're getting it for is too old to flip a light switch and you want to rub it in - The person you're getting it for is too paralyzed to flip a light switch and you want to rub it in -...
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Funny story:  Lousy Christmas blamed on Santa

Lousy Christmas blamed on Santa

After weeks of hoping for a Christmas miracle, worldwide retail chains confirmed today that they suffered one of the lousiest holiday shopping seasons in decades. Matters were made worse by the absence of one S. Claus, longtime resident of the N...
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Funny story:  Spoof Editorial: Why Doesn't Someone Buy Me a Gift?

Spoof Editorial: Why Doesn't Someone Buy Me a Gift?

A few years ago, I wiped up some orange soda spilled by someone else who didn't notice what he did (at least that's how he made it look!). I don't remember getting a thank you for that, but I didn't let it bother me. I help when I'm needed. That's what I do, that's who I am. Last week I gave someone a band aid I had in my desk drawer after he cut his hand on one of our file cabinets. The ed...
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Funny story:  EasyAir and RyanJet Gift Vouchers too much of a gift

EasyAir and RyanJet Gift Vouchers too much of a gift

Following hot on the heels of their appearances on the BBC's Watchdog, budget airlines EasyAir and RyanJet have both decided to re-align their gift voucher system and make them more customer-unfriendly.
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Funny story:  Paris Prison Gift Registrar

Paris Prison Gift Registrar

Paris has requested that you forward the following to her with all your love.. _Gai Gai Karraokee PHPA...
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Funny story:  When Harry Met Don

When Harry Met Don

Now, half way through the 'Stand Up Comedy Boom' Harry decided to cash in on his connections and he opened a Public Relations firm named 'Handled Messiahs INC' but unlike the joke circuit Harry's gift of gab, devilish good looks and sheer tenacity was not enough to land him the highly coveted big named clients. '...
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Funny story:  35th Anniversary Surprise

35th Anniversary Surprise

Petunia and I reached the crowning glory of thirty five years of martial, I mean , marital bliss! Forty dollars worth of roses and a meal she could have cook for 1/10th the price at the local gourmet cafeteria and we were back home to await the dessert and gift our beloved offspring had planned. Usually Petunia had to nag,remind and blackmail the freeloading hoboes to come up with some lame sign o...
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Funny story:  Pentecostal Interprets Terrorist Threat

Pentecostal Interprets Terrorist Threat

SACREMENTO -- Sallie Ploss isn't an FBI agent, or a linguistics expert, but her preternatural gift helped foil a terrorist plot last month to blow up California's State Petunia Garden near the state's capitol building. According to loca...
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Breaking News...

National Institute of Abhorrent Behavior (NIAB) to Study Cable News Anchors

Boston-Dr. Felix Noodlesorter of NAIB received a LooneyToonery grant to study the behavioral traits of those who anchor cable news shows. Prime subject for scrutiny is Wacky Chris Matthews of MSNBC,

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