WASHINGTON, D.C. - Jill Biden has said that she always likes to do her Christmas shopping three weeks before Christmas.
She added that she learned her lesson back in 1993, when she got got caught in a shoppers stampede at a mall in Dover, Delaware...
Now that the Royal Wedding invitations have been issued to all the relatives, VIP's, friends, hangers-on and Palmer-Tomkinsons, Prince William and Kate Middleton have issued their wedding list.
Rumour has it that the happy couple would have prefer...
This is pretty much the same thing as the "Plant a Tree" gift. Equally thoughtless and pointless, anyone that gets a star named after them as a gift will resent you. How is this a good gift? As if anyone who gets a star named after them will look at the sky every night for a few hours, finally find their star, and then say, "Hey! There's me!"
The site has several different kinds of packages,...
That's right; you can buy an electric chair. And at only just above £800, no less! What better way to tell someone you hate them and want them to die than by getting them their own fully-operational electric chair?
The website for this chair reads, "It's not a model or toy, mind you... This is a real piece of furniture carefully built by some very skilled (and very strange) craftsmen. You and...
Honey? I need a favour... You drink a lot of lager and cans of cider. I got a letter from the council saying that if we didn't start crushing of those cans when we put out the recycle stuff they would turn our property into the newest landfill area and possibly set our house on fire with burning garbage.
But, you see, the problem is that I have a lot of trouble stamping on a can to make it f...
Okay, this is just a complete bullshit gift. Anyone who gives you the magical fairy-tale gift of a tree being planted didn't really get you anything because they're cheap. The website would like you to believe that, "It's caring, thoughtful, new and different! It's environmentally safe and Easy to Order Everyone will love it! It's a unique way to say... Happy Christmas!" It's unique, all righ...
In theory, this isn't really a gift but a part of another gift that needs these batteries to dance and shout obnoxious catch phrases, but I'm pretty sure that somewhere, someone bought a pack of 9V batteries for their kid's present and that's all the poor little bastard is getting because eToys recommends this "gift" for 8-year-olds. And that is sad. Here's a list of things to do with a battery...
The website says this about Barbie's Laptop: "With this Barbie laptop, children get tutored by Barbie in essential first and second stage skills."
Yeah, I think that's because that's as far as the stupid bitch got. Tell me, when someone mentions the phrase "intelligent toy," does Barbie even pretend to cross your mind before you get bored and stop caring? Of course not. Having Barbie teach l...
Nothing says, "I wish you'd get trampled by a parade of gorillas" like giving someone a clapper.
There's only a few reasons someone of reasonable intelligence would buy someone a clapper:
- The person you're getting it for is too old to flip a light switch and you want to rub it in
- The person you're getting it for is too paralyzed to flip a light switch and you want to rub it in
-...
After weeks of hoping for a Christmas miracle, worldwide retail chains confirmed today that they suffered one of the lousiest holiday shopping seasons in decades.
Matters were made worse by the absence of one S. Claus, longtime resident of the N...
A few years ago, I wiped up some orange soda spilled by someone else who didn't notice what he did (at least that's how he made it look!). I don't remember getting a thank you for that, but I didn't let it bother me. I help when I'm needed. That's what I do, that's who I am.
Last week I gave someone a band aid I had in my desk drawer after he cut his hand on one of our file cabinets. The ed...
Following hot on the heels of their appearances on the BBC's Watchdog, budget airlines EasyAir and RyanJet have both decided to re-align their gift voucher system and make them more customer-unfriendly.
Paris has requested that you forward the following to her with all your love.. _Gai Gai Karraokee PHPA...
Now, half way through the 'Stand Up Comedy Boom' Harry decided to cash in on his connections and he opened a Public Relations firm named 'Handled Messiahs INC' but unlike the joke circuit Harry's gift of gab, devilish good looks and sheer tenacity was not enough to land him the highly coveted big named clients. '...
Petunia and I reached the crowning glory of thirty five years of martial, I mean , marital bliss! Forty dollars worth of roses and a meal she could have cook for 1/10th the price at the local gourmet cafeteria and we were back home to await the dessert and gift our beloved offspring had planned. Usually Petunia had to nag,remind and blackmail the freeloading hoboes to come up with some lame sign o...
SACREMENTO -- Sallie Ploss isn't an FBI agent, or a linguistics expert, but her preternatural gift helped foil a terrorist plot last month to blow up California's State Petunia Garden near the state's capitol building. According to loca...
In an unprecedented move, the IRA has agreed to decommission up to 500 shillelaghs by the end of 2015. The shillelaghs, believed to have been a gift from Colonel Gaddafi in the 1980's, will be chopped up by a group of neutral Canadian lumberjacks...
In the latest (and hopefully final) twist in the Jeff Gannon/ James Guckert story, or The Gift That Keeps on Giving' as most satirical websites prefer to think of it, Mr. Guckert is reportedly considering legal action against the Liberal web blogger...