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Oral sex banned again at Druids' upcoming Tooting Bec Lido solstice romp

Funny story: Oral sex banned again at Druids' upcoming Tooting Bec Lido solstice romp

Tooting, London - Authorities have renewed a banning order on oral sex in pubic places at this Sunday's annual summer solstice orgy. Festivities planned by Ye Ancient Order Of Bards And Hos were due to take place at Tooting Bec Lido, a swimming p...

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Druid Jihad: Radical Islamism Takes Polytheistic Turn

Hamish Leonardo Kraftwerker Magee, Chief Druid of Dumfries, (previously known as Third Baron Trevelyan Montague of High Wycombe), has narrowly escaped being sent to Guantanamo bay on the grounds of being a jihadist militant. In in his inimitable...

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Duck Dynasty Phil Robertson: More Controversy

Funny story: Duck Dynasty Phil Robertson: More Controversy

"Last time I told those people the truth about the Druids and their trees but I wanted to warn them about a few other thangs! Robertson as usual started slow and then got all wound up and somewhat louder as he recorded his message. He then shut...

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Phil Robertson to Go After Druids & Christmas Trees Next?

Funny story: Phil Robertson to Go After Druids & Christmas Trees Next?

Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty has just been rehired and many are celebrating the fact. But a new sermon by the Preacher may begin another controversy but not so bad as the last one. "He is going to come down strong on having Christmas trees all d...

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Wales voted most miserable place in the world, William Haig Plans to broadcast cheerful music on P.A.

Funny story: Wales voted most miserable place in the world, William Haig Plans to broadcast cheerful music on P.A.

In the prestigious new Ruff Guide to the world, Wales has been given a FFFF rating for cheerfulness, down from FFFE three years ago. The home of depressing poetry, Eisteddfod parties and almost constant rain, Wales has slipped to below France, thi...

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Druids to muster Autumn Equinox sheep-dip test

Funny story: Druids to muster Autumn Equinox sheep-dip test

London - Hordes of New Age hippies and neo-Pagan nutz are to be kettled through a pesticide trench before being allowed up Primrose Hill for Saturday's Autumn Equinox parade. The elf 'n' safety directive comes as a ten year study by the Royal Frea...

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Stonehenge bouncy castle rattles Barking Druids

Funny story: Stonehenge bouncy castle rattles Barking Druids

Isle of Dogs, London - The erection of a 50 foot blow-up Stonehenge replica at Barking Park is causing ructions among indigenous Druids. They fear whordes of stoned New Age nuts amassing at the inflatable monument are f++king up the natural cosmic...

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Oral sex ban at Druids' Tooting Bec Lido summer solstice esbat

Funny story: Oral sex ban at Druids' Tooting Bec Lido summer solstice esbat

London - Mayhem surrounds Druids' planned solstice festivities at the London lido made famous by Brad Pitt's boxing scene in the movie Snatch. Refusal to use compulsory non-pagan issue rubbers from the onsite vending machines is causing schism am...

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Druids' equinox procession to de-hex Primrose Hill of toxic karma left behind by Sadie Frost, Peter Mandelson, Rhys Ifans,Jude Law, Ewan McGregor, Kate Moss etc etc

Funny story: Druids' equinox procession to de-hex Primrose Hill of toxic karma left behind by Sadie Frost, Peter Mandelson, Rhys Ifans,Jude Law, Ewan McGregor, Kate Moss etc etc

London - Successive solar and lunar eclipses have failed to cleanse North London's premier pagan hot spot of decades of luvvies' toxic crap. This Tuesday karmic pest control in the guise of the Druids' annual Vernal Equinox parade up the iconic R...

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Germany summons Egyptian ambassador to protest against Druids

Funny story: Germany summons Egyptian ambassador to protest against Druids

Berlin - It's all because some sort of German stinktank was one of the human frights groups whose HQ got torched last week. Locals in Baddassburg described today how the Cairo branch of Druids Anonymous had claimed responsibility following a bad a...

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Autumn Equinox special: defunct UARS satellite 'may be stalking Climate Research scam professor' - report

Funny story: Autumn Equinox special: defunct UARS satellite 'may be stalking Climate Research scam professor' - report

East Anglia - Is there really a satellite homing device implanted into the academic behind the University of East Anglia's global warming scam? NASA sources hinted today that the spent Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite's imminent crash landing m...

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King Arthur the Druid demands his bones back!

Funny story: King Arthur the Druid demands his bones back!

King Arthur, not of the round table but of Pendragon, a former soldier and now self-named king of the loonies called Druids (who frequent Stonehenge at full moon or eclipses), has demanded that his ancient bones be returned immediately. King Arthu...

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Druids' casino under London Zoo rumbled as heavy rains flood Regent's Park

Funny story: Druids' casino under London Zoo rumbled as heavy rains flood Regent's Park

London - Locals had long suspected its existence, of course, following decades of spurious equinoctial and solstice Druid activity next door at Primrose Hill. This morning's discovery of a huge subterranean gambling complex came as more than a mon...

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Ratarsed Solstice Druids disturb rare Parliament Hill spider habitat

Funny story: Ratarsed Solstice Druids disturb rare Parliament Hill spider habitat

London - Drunken Druids have trashed a UNESCO-protected tube-web spider colony in North London's Parliament Hill tonight. Annual Summer Solstice revelry descended into farce around a quarter past six, Hampstead time, just as the sun began its annu...

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Druidry to be classed as religion. Jedi next?

Funny story: Druidry to be classed as religion. Jedi next?

Druidry is to become the first pagan practice to be given official recognition as a religion. The Charity Commission has accepted that druids' worship of spirits arising from the natural world could be seen as a religious activity. Many Jedi mast...

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Isle of Wight News - Druid Half-Soltice Passes Without Incident

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Druid Half-Soltice Passes Without Incident

Since records began in 1978, Druids have congregated at the Camp Hill standing stones to celebrate the Half-Solstice. This archaic and mystic rite attracts druids from as far away as Ryde to perform their esoteric rituals as the sun rises over Camp H...

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Robert Pattinson to join Druids at Stonehenge annual Spring Equinox rite

Funny story: Robert Pattinson to join Druids at Stonehenge annual Spring Equinox rite

London - (Rite of Spring): Remember Me and Twilight star Robert Pattinson is to be initiated into the Ancient British Order of Bards and Druids at the annual Vernal Equinox ritual at Stonehenge on Saturday. The day marks the solar ingress into the...

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Numerology scare behind Stonehenge Druids' preparations for summer solstice funerary rite

Funny story: Numerology scare behind Stonehenge Druids' preparations for summer solstice funerary rite

Stonehenge, Wilts - (Neolithic Mess): Druids' annual Stonehenge summer solstice ramblings have suffered a major setback.

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Breaking news…

The Only Way to Get the Palestinians to the Table

Our Middle East correspondent M. Voltaire opines: If you want PLO/Hamas to come to the Peace Table, set out copious quantities of rancid cheese --it's the only enticing incentive for street rats.
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