Recent scare stories about the imminent arid conditions to affect Southern England may be false - according to Wiltshire plumber, Tommy Gripefuttock.
"Hosepipe ban - fuck off", expostulates Tommy.
Mr Gripefuttock explains thus - "The aquifers a...
As England, Wales and Scotland were battered by wind and rain yesterday and today a weather expert warned that this could be the wettest drought on record.
Many water authorities in the south east of England have imposed hosepipe bans as local wat...
Seven water companies yesterday announced plans for huge bins to collect hosepipes.
The utility providers said that the bins - the largest ever used - will be placed in strategic locations throughout southern and eastern England.
Residents in t...
Thames Water will offer free urine purification tablets to 12 million families next month, as the battle to conserve water grips the nation.
With hosepipe bans expected as early as next weekend, stocks of P59X tablets are already being stockpiled...
From London to Gainsborough, the south and east coasts of Britain have officially been labelled as Drought Stricken by the Met Office, after no rain fell there for three consecutive days.
"We had a bit of snow a fortnight ago," said met office spo...
College Station, Texas - This week is predicted to be the hottest week in Texas on record. While it would be a great thing normally to be considered hot, in a sexual way, it is not great to be living in one of the worst heat waves in twenty year...
Expectant mothers waiting to give birth are to be deployed at various drought hit locations across England in 'labour camps' to fully utilise the vital output of mother minge's waters breaking, according to reports.
The unseasonably dry weather is...
With the news that certain parts of Britain are to introduce hosepipe bans from tomorrow, with some parts being named 'Drought Areas' - a spokesman for North Wet Water has stated that Manchester United footballer Ryan Giggs will not be affected.
T...
Galveston, TX: This past week, Governor Rick Perry of Texas made an official proclamation for days of prayer for rain in Texas. The proclamation states that due to the drought Texas has suffered for months on end and the high winds and hot climate...
Four East African states have signed an agreement to seek more water from the River Nile - a move strongly opposed by Egypt and her ancient gods, including the Nile itself, long regarded as a living divinity by many Egyptians.
Under a 1929 B.C.E.
Hosepipe bans might be introduced across Rockall to stave off the threat of an extinction level event drought of Biblical proportions, the island's Environment Agency has warned.
Local car boot entrepreneur and official Rockall shaman, Pigswill Pe...
Spain - (Rampage Mess): A holiday timeshare cabal of European child molesters is running scared as Spain's worst drought in 500 years rages unabated, emptying key reservoirs that hold the secrets of hundreds of missing children.
Atlanta, Georgia - The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) announced today that it was preparing to file a lawsuit against the State of Georgia for the alleged violation of Church and State provision of the U.S. Constitution. Georgia governor, Sonn...
Miami, Florida - (Ass Mess): Archaeologists believe they have found a pre-Creationist era lost civilization at the bottom of Lake Okeechobee after a state-wide Florida drought caused virtually total evaporation of its waters and exposed a massive wea...
Madonna hopes to earn her weight in CFCs this week on the launch of her new song 'Oi You!' which is aimed at combatting global climate change.