Dear Constituents
I have had a very hectic week and am now way behind with my Newsletters.
This is because I have been focussing hard on my training for the 2016 Olympic Games. I reckon four years should be enough for me to qualify for Team GB although we first need to get my sport recognised by the IOC.
As a sport, donkey dressage, donkey cross-country and donkey show jumping is not as r...
This is ANFIELD, Liverpool: Animal rights investigators have instigated an investigation in the Anfield area of Liverpool, after reports that 11 donkeys and their old Scottish handler were forceably fed humble pie for over 90 minutes, on Saturday 24...
Cotswolds - The siblings will compete in the London 2012 Olympic Ass of the Year race over seven furlongs it was announced today.
The new event in the Olympic Schedule has been described as made in heaven for the bruvvers after both showed some am...
Walter Lewis, long time resident of Dorking is probably better known in Worthing for giving Donkey rides on the beach for the numerous tourists who flock there in summer.
"There's tourists have often told me there's nothing better than spending a...
BBC viewers under the age of five were sent into an excited state of shock last night after realising that this years' series of Stargazing live is being presented by Shrek and Donkey.
The realisation was made by a 3 year old boy called Josh on...
President Felipe Calderon of Mexico has announced that his country will give Prince William and his bride (Kate Middleton) the present of an all expense paid trip to visit and tour his country. Stops on the visit will include sightseeing at the Teot...
Lakefield District Housing were one of the hot favourites to win a £1000 prize for energy efficiency when they decided to scrap their 25-strong fleet of vans and instead use donkeys for their or haulage of the equipment needed for housing repairs.
A new report published today by Transport for London (TFL), the government body responsible for most aspects of the transport system in London, has warned of a sharp increase in the number of donkeys plaguing the underground rail network.
The do...
The Democrats use the donkey as their symbol. The Republicans use an elephant. Until now, the Libertarians had no animal symbol to relate to. However, this past week, leaders of the party gathered the responses to a poll sent out to registered Libert...
In what may yet turn out to be a 'copycat incident', police say that a donkey has been found stuffed into a wheelie bin in the same area of Coventry in which cat-dumper Mary Bale lives, sparking speculation that she may have been at it again.
The...
1) Make a child that's sitting on your back cry by braying as loudly as possible.
2) Make a child sitting on your back laugh by taking a dump on the feet of its parent.
3) Befriend a racehorse (preferably famous) and not just in the platonic sense.
4) Look permanently miserable even when you're not.
5) Parasail in Russia
6) Appear in a pornographic film
7) Visit Blackpool
8)...
Police in southern Russia are investigating allegations of animal cruelty after a donkey was made to parasail with something stuck up its arse, Russian media report.
The donkey was sent up into the sky last week by entrepreneurs hoping to attract...
A series of debates were scheduled by the pigs and Snowball urged construction of the windmill claiming it would boost production and ease the workload of the commune but Napoleon opposed it. The animals cheered the idea and worked even harder than before.
Catch up: Part 1 Part 2
When it was obvious that Napoleon was losing the support of the farm animals he unleashed his pup raised pack of...
The pigs became the conscience of the other animals and were led by Snowball Brown and David Napoleon along with a sycophant Nick Squealer who urged the other animals to embrace the new Tenets of Animalism with his eloquent grasp of voice while hiding his personal agenda.
Catch up: Part 1
Their rise to power was made possible from the reflective and philosophical Old Major Blair whose prema...
The simplicity and blessed routine of the family farm took a hideous turn outside of Edinburgh when details emerged of an incredible event giving new meaning to hostile takeover. The end result was that a Donkey by the name of Benjamin Orwell Falkes was euthanized in response to a rampage that left a menagerie of dead beasties in its wake.
The harsh reaction and quick manner of his disposition...
In Memphis, Tennessee, a young second grade student has gotten into trouble after the teacher asked the students to draw a Holiday scene.
The boy handed his in, showing a manger scene with a donkey with a huge penis that fell to the floor.
Th...
Heat-throb actor Zac Efron spilled ice cream all over his tartan slacks while attending an illegal donkey exhibition in downtown Los Angeles.
The High School Musical star was wiped down by two muscular tanned bodyguards and escorted from the venue...
Teen heart-throb Zac Efron has denied outright that he is responsible for the theft of a donkey from the set of High School Musical 4: The College Years.
Pretty boy Efron explained how shocked he was to read in the tabloid press the claims that he...