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Funny story: 5 Questions about Ukraine and Crimea you're afraid to ask and really shouldn't ask

5 Questions about Ukraine and Crimea you're afraid to ask and really shouldn't ask

WASHINGTON D.C. - As Vladimir Putin defies Washington's wishes, millions of Americans are left asking questions that would never be asked in other first-world countries. Spare yourself some embarrassment and commit this info to memory. Also, change the subject if someone brings all this up in conversation. 1) Is it "The Ukraine" or "Ukraine"? Short answer: Who the hell cares? Long answer: I...
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Funny story: Japanese Premier Burned By Pants On Fire

Japanese Premier Burned By Pants On Fire

Yesterday, Prime Minister of Japan, Shinzo Abe, paid his "deepest respects" to the war dead at a Shinto shrine in Tokyo. The shrine honors, among others, Class A war criminals from World War II. Some were executed after the war because they committe...
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Funny story: Quvenzhane Wallis and the Onion

Quvenzhane Wallis and the Onion

Sympathetic critics came out to attack the Onion because they used Quvenzhane Wallis in satirical comedy. The satire was innocent, but critics quickly made it out to be something that it was not. This is the original concept of the Onion writer:...
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Funny story: The US to Invade an Esso station in Bracknell

The US to Invade an Esso station in Bracknell

Despite its exhausting and increasingly sanctimonious involvement in Libya and Egypt, the US this week confirmed that it was determined to take necessary action and invade a small, Esso service service station in Bracknell. The proposed action was co...
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Funny story: Old People More Likely to Start a World War

Old People More Likely to Start a World War

Latest research from the University of Camberwick has shown that people over the age of 85 are more likely to start a serious world war than people half their age. In a paper published in "Which War" Magazine, top scientists claim that out of 5000...
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Plans for Bergdahl Post-CourtMartial Leaked

Another leak from the Empire Palace reveals Barack I will appoint Beau Bergdahl--after his court-martial--as His Excellency's Ambassador to the Taliban, given Bergdahls' extensive connections there.
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