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Funny story: Comet Siding Spring dazzles Summer Solstice skies

Comet Siding Spring dazzles Summer Solstice skies

The Cosmos - A new comet from deep inside the Oort Cloud is winging its way across the heavens this weekend like some cosmic prima ballerina strung out on angel dust. Comet Siding Spring, aka C/2013 A1, will be visible at twilight over Stonehenge...
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Funny story: Cometoid Streaks Down California Highway 99

Cometoid Streaks Down California Highway 99

MODESTO, CALIFORNIA - CHP motorcycle officer, Doug Pascal, was on patrol on the side of Hwy. 99 Thursday, in the early morning hours, when his radar gun picked up a speeding object going 20,000 mph. Thinking about the value of the speeding ticket...
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Funny story: Beagle 2 Bungler to Smash Spacecraft Rosetta into Comet

Beagle 2 Bungler to Smash Spacecraft Rosetta into Comet

A spaceship is about to embark on one of the most technologically advanced missions ever attempted - by smashing down on a bankrupt Comet store in Barnsley at 24,600mph. Bungling Beagle 2 professor Colin Pillinger is to supervise the practice ru...
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Funny story: Comet ISON 'Probably Gay' Says NASA

Comet ISON 'Probably Gay' Says NASA

Houston, TX-- NASA astronomers believe they have discovered the first gay comet in Outer Space. If true, it will be only the second gay heavenly body ever discovered. The planet Saturn came out of the closet earlier this year. Comet ISON is expe...
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Funny story: High Street stores to merge

High Street stores to merge

Jessop's the failed high street photography retailer, are set to continue inside HMV stores, sparking a rush of other failing and failed stores to join in. Receivers in charge of selling off HMV have changed tack, and decided that amalgamation no...
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Funny story: NASA 'saw Comet bankruptcy' months ago

NASA 'saw Comet bankruptcy' months ago

London - A US Jet Convulsion Laboratory analyst first signalled the Comet break-up last April when debris from its crumbling nucleus briefly blacked-out the International Space Station's roving telescope. "It was always a borderline pie-in-the-sky...
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Funny story: Comet Lovejoy is the Jesus Mothercraft first seen by Three Wise Men

Comet Lovejoy is the Jesus Mothercraft first seen by Three Wise Men

Space - "WTF does this mean for Capricorns?" seems to be the frantic question in certain NASA quarters as news of Comet Lovejoy's 87,000 mile 'near miss' with the Sun goes viral on the net. Discovered by Australian star gazer Terry Lovejoy on 27 N...
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Funny story: Comet Rigor Mortis transits Buckingham Palace skies

Comet Rigor Mortis transits Buckingham Palace skies

London - A horrid GlibDem scam to allow Catholics back into the royal fold tonight sees HM vowing to swallow arsenic rather than bow to the latest Popish bollox from Brussels. Just after sunset a mystery comet from the Papal Bull Shit galaxy was s...
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Funny story: NASA Photos Confirm Comet Hartley 2 Looks Like Giant Misshapen Penis

NASA Photos Confirm Comet Hartley 2 Looks Like Giant Misshapen Penis

NASA's spaceship, appropriately named 'Deep Impact,' send home pictures recently of what appeared to be a misshapen penis and realized it was the Comet Hartley 2. Scientists high-fived each other as they viewed the photos that took three years to rea...
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Funny story: 'Killer Comet' tracking telescope destroyed

'Killer Comet' tracking telescope destroyed

A new telescope facility in Hawaii designed to search for asteroids and comets which could threaten Earth has been destroyed in a freak accident. The Pan-STARRS 1 telescope was built primarily to map large portions of the sky each night to track...
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Funny story: Comet McNaught to pass directly above Trooping the Colour

Comet McNaught to pass directly above Trooping the Colour

London - (Portents): The baleful harbinger of Hellfire Club doom will transit above Whorse Guards Parade, SW1 this Saturday morning at the precise moment of the Gemini new moon. Comet McNaught's resplendent trajectory should be visible to the nake...
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Funny story: St George's Day comet hovers ominously over Windsor Castle

St George's Day comet hovers ominously over Windsor Castle

Windsor - (Order of the Gutter): Harbinger of death and totem of volcanic fiascos Comet C/1861 G1 Thatcher, source of the annual 16-26 April Lyrid meteor shower, has been spotted hovering menacingly over Windsor Castle's St George's Chapel. The 1...
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Funny story: St David's Day doomsday shocker

St David's Day doomsday shocker

London - (Armageddinouttahere! Mess): Biblical prophecy onanists have warned the transit of two-tailed Comet Lulin hails a terrible end for the Hellfire Club puppet monarch's reign this Sunday. "The comet augurs the fake dynasty matriarch choking...
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Funny story: Friday the 13th: noxious comet on collision course with toxic ghost ship scrapyard

Friday the 13th: noxious comet on collision course with toxic ghost ship scrapyard

London - (X-Files Mess): A highly noxious comet replete with Zyklon-B isotopes is on a Friday 13th February collision course with the UK shipping scrapyard charged with scuttling the toxic French aircraft carrier Le Clemenceau. Comet Lulin had be...
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Funny story: Aquarius solar eclipse news: Doomsday comet stationary over Buckingham Palace

Aquarius solar eclipse news: Doomsday comet stationary over Buckingham Palace

London - (Coup 'Stark' d'Etat Mess): Monday's magnificent Aquarius solar eclipse occurs horribly close to the credit crunching trajectory of a portentuous Doomsday comet that has been homing in on Buckingham Palace airspace all January. The comet'...
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Funny story: Comet 96P/Machholz 1 'on a collision course with Buckingham Palace'

Comet 96P/Machholz 1 'on a collision course with Buckingham Palace'

London - (Grateful Dead Sea Scolls Mess): The Biblical comet first seen at the Nativity in Bethlehem is making its Grateful Dead Sea Scrolls-predicted comeback this weekend over Buckingahm Palace. According to latest Scrolls transcripts we can exp...
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Funny story: New Comet Not-So-New After All

New Comet Not-So-New After All

Mount Palomar, California (IPP) - Astronomers have discovered a bright new comet which is being described as "not-so-new" after all. The comet was discovered in the constellation Ursa Major by the automated array system operating under very dark s...
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Funny story: Ancient Comet Wipes Out Earliest American Settlers

Ancient Comet Wipes Out Earliest American Settlers

In their latest findings, researchers Richard Bridgestone and Allen East say that they have found compelling evidence of a Native American culture predating the Clovis people, who were long thought to be North America's first colonists. The evid...
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Man declared dead wakes up in morgue body bag

A bloody miracle, says the mortician, considering I was about to inject him with two gallons of formaldehyde

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