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Depressing British EMO Band to Cap Off NFL Season

The National Football League has announced the halftime act for its centerpiece spectacular, Superbowl XL - whiny British balladeers Coldplay. The band, whose records have provided the soundtrack to countless teenagers drinking cider alone in their...

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Coldplay Incite Mock Hatred

Funny story: Coldplay Incite Mock Hatred

As Coldplay performed at last nights Paralympic closing ceremony, opportunists seized on the fashionable trend of absolutely hating them, man. Fabricated musical snobbery was in full flow as pretend muso's bemoaned Coldplay's supposed lack of mus...

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Coldplay and Wholefoods Market agree to play Mylo Xyloto while customers shop on 10/24

Funny story: Coldplay and Wholefoods Market agree to play Mylo Xyloto while customers shop on 10/24

AUSTIN, TEXAS - With a stroke of a pen Whole Foods Market have agreed to provide music from Coldplay's newest album, Mylo Xyloto on 24 October, the premiere date. Lead singer Chris Martin was thrilled about the opportunity because Mylo Xyloto tran...

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Glastonbury Festival 2011 a Mudbath yet again

Funny story: Glastonbury Festival 2011 a Mudbath yet again

Torrential rain greeted the first people to reach Worthy Farm. More than 130,000 people have already arrived on site at Worthy Farm, Pilton, and a further 7,000 are expected today. They face muddy conditions on the first day of Glastonbury and ha...

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Cookie Monster Duet with Coldplay Banned

Funny story: Cookie Monster Duet with Coldplay Banned

Following a pretty weird video of Katy Perry bulging out of a green dress thing on the Sesame Street, the producers were pretty keen to get some more child-friendly talent into the studios. Unfortunately, as Justin Beiber was busy getting bottles...

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Coldplay To Turn Nasty!

In an exclusive interview with me, Bill Skywalker, Coldplay frontman and chief charity botherer Chris Martin has announced a new direction for the band - by turning them into 'a rude bunch of bastards!'. In a shocking turn of events for the band k...

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Coldplay Nicked Song Because They Thought Satriani Was Canadian

Coldplay singer Chris Martin has apologised to Joe Satriani over an alleged copyright infringement, explaining that he thought the US guitarist was Canadian. Martin said Coldplay would never have thought they could have gotten away with their song...

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Satriani's Hand Gesture Leads To New Coldplay Court Action

Chris Martin is to sue Joe Satriani over a gesture he made in court yesterday which was eerily similar to a gesture made by the Coldplay singer earlier that day. The news of this latest litigation comes within hours of a settlement being reached b...

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Man Eats Himself Whilst Listening To Coldplay

Funny story: Man Eats Himself Whilst Listening To Coldplay

A man ate himself to death whilst listening to Coldplay. It's thought that the boredom became too much for him to bare. This is the first case of self-canabalism since the last Radiohead album. Gordon Bennett had just settled down in his armchair...

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Coldplay to play Moon

Funny story: Coldplay to play Moon

Self proclaimed "Super Band" Coldplay, announced that they intend to be the first band to play on the moon today. Speaking at a press conference, Chris Martin announced the concert, and described it as another "World shattering historic moment in...

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Coldplay's Chris Martin Quits Band to Rule the World

Funny story: Coldplay's Chris Martin Quits Band to Rule the World

London, England - Lead singer for the English rock band Coldplay stunned the music industry Wednesday when he announced that the band was breaking up in 2009. There have been rumors swirling about why the band decided to split. Those rumors were...

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Coldplay's songs are not 'all the same'

Funny story: Coldplay's songs are not 'all the same'

Coldplay's lead singer, Chris Martin, today claimed that their songs are not all the same. 'They aren't all exactly the same', he said. 'OK, they're a bit similar - well, they're very similar, in fact they're all so similar a purist would say that...

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Martinism grows

Funny story: Martinism grows

The antics of Chris Martin, the lead singer of popular beat combo Cold-play have led to a number of copy cat incidents.

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Coldplay's Martin next contender for the nuthouse

Funny story: Coldplay's Martin next contender for the nuthouse

Mexico City - (Rioters): Hubris has addled Coldplay vocalist Chris Martin's brain after he described a song on the band's next album as 'basically genius'.

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Breaking news…

The Only Way to Get the Palestinians to the Table

Our Middle East correspondent M. Voltaire opines: If you want PLO/Hamas to come to the Peace Table, set out copious quantities of rancid cheese --it's the only enticing incentive for street rats.
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