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Funny satire stories about child abuse

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Pheonix University Now Offering Online Kindergarten

Funny story: Pheonix University Now Offering Online Kindergarten

Pheonix, AZ - The world's biggest web-based University is expanding to meet new market demands, now offering online classes for all ages. "Our studies found there is a very real demand to leave your toddler in front of a computer screen for at le...

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Bonita Jackson spouts kiddie tough love garbage

Funny story: Bonita Jackson spouts kiddie tough love garbage

Spring, Texas - "When ya whoop someone you love, it's about love," the mother of benched Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson said today as pics of her grandson's injuries went viral on the web. "That's how to prepare them for the real w...

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NFL's Goodell Speaks On New Peterson Revelation

Funny story: NFL's Goodell Speaks On New Peterson Revelation

Minnesota Vikings Adrian Peterson, already facing felony charges in Texas for child abuse, was accused in a separate incident involving another son who was 4 years old. In that case Peterson inflicted a head wound on his son, who was in a car seat,...

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Sunshine Daycare Under Investigation After Employees Allegedly Win At Candy Land

Funny story: Sunshine Daycare Under Investigation After Employees Allegedly Win At Candy Land

Local daycare provider Sunshine Daycare has had its license suspended and is under investigation by state regulators after allegations that its employees regularly beat toddlers at the game Candy Land. Several parents whose children attend Sunshine f...

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Asian Parents Locked Up For Child Abuse

Funny story: Asian Parents Locked Up For Child Abuse

Two Chinese parents living in London have been sentenced to 10 years in prison after a series of accusations from their only child on 5 accounts of child abuse. Zang and Liu Ping were accused of mental imprisonment, psychological terrorism and em...

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British Lords Promise Enquiry Into Child Porn

Funny story: British Lords Promise Enquiry Into Child Porn

The British House of Lords have promised a full and complete investigation into the availability of child pornography within the United Kingdom. Lord Cock of Dumbshire announced "It is simply appalling. It is totally unacceptable. I find is simpl...

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BBC Presenter from 60s and 70s Smeared

Funny story: BBC Presenter from 60s and 70s Smeared

A presenter from the BBC during the 60s and 70s has been smeared by the press for being the only one who didn't inappropriately touch people up during the time. Wally Hampstead worked at the BBC, on radio, and television - as well as with children -...

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Honey Boo Boo Thanksgiving and Christmas specials will air on TLC

Funny story: Honey Boo Boo Thanksgiving and Christmas specials will air on TLC

ATLANTA (ABSNN) - Alana Thompson (Honey Boo Boo) and her mother June Shannon (Fat Demonic Hell Pig) are the stars of TLC's Toddlers and Tiaras. They visited a television station in Atlanta, the home of The Learning Channel, to discuss their upcoming...

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Did Kate Gosselin use a wooden spoon?

Funny story: Did Kate Gosselin use a wooden spoon?

WYOMISSING PA (ABSNN) - Did Kate (plus 8) Gosselin hit her children with wooden spoons? Did she twirl them around by the hair? Did she bitch-slap them in their little beds? "Yes, and more than that," says author Robert Hoffman in his just releas...

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Pope Drops Blanket Ban On Condom Use

Funny story: Pope Drops Blanket Ban On Condom Use

In an historic move, the Pope has brought about a seismic shift in Catholic doctrine, with the ending of the Vatican's total opposition to the use of condoms. In a statement, released between masses at St Peter's Basillica, the Pope, one time Hitl...

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Peter Andre Admits: Part One.....

Peter Andre has got himself into trouble with child rights groups all over the world and not in a Gary Glitter way. Peter, who was arrested yesterday morning at Mozambique International Airport, had admitted to attending organized child fights all ov...

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Boston-area parents sue Red Sox for child cruelty

Funny story: Boston-area parents sue Red Sox for child cruelty

BOSTON, Mass.--World Championships of '04 and '07 be damned: scores of parents have filed a joint lawsuit against the Boston Red Sox for scarring yet another generation of fans. The wheels fell off in the month of September, leading to a 7-19 reco...

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BBC To Screen Baby's First Taste of Grapefruit

Funny story: BBC To Screen Baby's First Taste of Grapefruit

A baby's first taste of grapefruit is to be screened by the BBC later on this year as part of a series about the life cycle of the human body. Scientists have advised that it is "important not to shy away from talking about unpleasant early human...

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Want To Get Away With Beating A Family Member? Make Sure It's Your Child.

Funny story: Want To Get Away With Beating A Family Member? Make Sure It's Your Child.

Sure, everyone knows that there's no better way to blow off steam after a hard day at the job than bashing your wife's head in with a meat tenderizing mallet. But coming home and donkey-punching the Mrs. is just going to land you in front of the same Judge who yanked your license last year. Now, New Jersey has solved the problem for everyone: Beat the sh-t out of your kid!! I am sickened...

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Stephanie Seymour Defends Son's Boob-Grope: "It's OK, He's A Butt-Pirate."

Funny story: Stephanie Seymour Defends Son's Boob-Grope: "It's OK, He's A Butt-Pirate."

Odd photos of Stephanie Seymour and her 17-year-old son Peter have surfaced, in which it appears Peter is stroking his mother's right nipple while sticking his tongue in her mouth while on vacation in St. Bart's surfaced, but Mommy says it's OK, beca...

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Dear Michael Vick: Keep Playing Good, So Daddy Doesn't Give Me and Mommy Boo-Boos!

Funny story: Dear Michael Vick: Keep Playing Good, So Daddy Doesn't Give Me and Mommy Boo-Boos!

Dear Michael Vick: You make Daddy happy when you play football. Mommy says we don't have to hide from Daddy in the garage when you start at QB, because the Eagles might win. Daddy even lets me sit with him when you play. I get to give him bottles of his special soda from the fridge. What does HEINEKIN spell? Mommy calls Daddy's special soda his 'mean juice', but he hardly hits us any m...

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Police Swoop on Child Abuse Ringleader

Funny story: Police Swoop on Child Abuse Ringleader

London, UK: Police swooped today to nab the man believed to be head of the world's largest paedophile ring. The elderly German, an Italian resident who arrived in the UK today travelling under the name Benedict, has been identified by police as th...

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Pope agrees to penal substitutionary atonement

Following the less than grovelling admission by UK Catholic Church Supremo Archbishop of Westminster Vincent Nichols that the response to child abuse by Priests had been "poor", the Vatican has made an unequivocal and trend-setting announcement. The...

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Breaking news…

Man Cures Cancer While Sitting In ER Waiting Room

After arriving at the hospital for a health complication a gentleman had to wait to be seen. 8 years later he's still there, but found the cure for cancer in the meantime. That was 6 years ago...
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