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Funny satire stories about cancer

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Funny story:  The Last Links To Cancer

The Last Links To Cancer

A new study has studied that smacking can lead to cancer! Shock and horror would be two of the emotions Back and to the Left news would be feeling if we could indeed feel human emotions anymore. But with scientists discovering a link between cancer a...
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Funny story:  Ozzy Osbourne has brain surgically removed to prevent Alzheimer's

Ozzy Osbourne has brain surgically removed to prevent Alzheimer's

Ozzy's House - Following the lead of his wife who cut off her breast to prevent cancer, Ozzy has had most of his brain cut out in a bold attempt to prevent Alzheimer's. His wife had this to say. "I think it has really improved his disposition. He...
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Funny story:  Charlie the Radioactive Tuna Causes Child Thyroid Cancer Sorry

Charlie the Radioactive Tuna Causes Child Thyroid Cancer Sorry

In 2008 Del Monte sold StarKist Tuna to South Korean food giant the Dongwon Corporation which exports tuna to the United States and the world. According to the Supreme Court of the United States of America and Mitt Romney corporations are people. Can...
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Funny story:  Kebab pathogens found in 9 out of 10 prostate cancer swabs, innit

Kebab pathogens found in 9 out of 10 prostate cancer swabs, innit

London - Telltale signs of poor oral hygiene are emerging in the latest report into treatable cancers. A Royal College of Swabbologists survey has discovered traces of bacteria, viruses and parasites commonly found in the ubiquitous doner and shis...
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Funny story:  New York Presbyterian Adopts Radical New Post-Op Cancer Treatment: Cross Fingers and Hope for Best

New York Presbyterian Adopts Radical New Post-Op Cancer Treatment: Cross Fingers and Hope for Best

As part of its ongoing mission to improve quality of care while lowering health care costs, New York Presbyterian Hospital recently announced that it was adopting a radical new treatment methodology for post-operative cancer patients: cross fingers a...
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Funny story:  Cancer No Longer #1 Killer In America: Morbid Obesity And Accidents Form Surprise Team

Cancer No Longer #1 Killer In America: Morbid Obesity And Accidents Form Surprise Team

ATLANTA, GA--In what is already being hailed as one of the most depressing pieces of news in weeks, the Centers for Disease Control have rolled out their annual list of leading causes of death for 2011, and it appears that neither cancer, nor heart d...
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Funny story:  Royal Couple Finds Cure For Cancer, Steals Global Spotlight Back From America

Royal Couple Finds Cure For Cancer, Steals Global Spotlight Back From America

LONDON-In what is being hailed as the most significant news since the death of Osama Bin Laden several months ago, which in itself was the biggest news since the royal wedding a couple days before that, the royal couple has dumbfounded scientists the...
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Funny story:  Paul McCartney and Rolling Stones to Pay for Breast Implant Replacements

Paul McCartney and Rolling Stones to Pay for Breast Implant Replacements

In Parliament today, angry protestors pushed their way through security pulling a hose from a tanker truck filled with thousands of gallons of industrial silicone. The kind alledged to be in thousands of breast implants in thousands of women. The...
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Funny story:  Italians and Mimes Most Prone to Gesticular Cancer

Italians and Mimes Most Prone to Gesticular Cancer

A newly published study in medical journal The Lancelot reveals that Italian males are 60% more likely to suffer from gesticular cancer than any other national group. The condition was also found to be more prevalent in regions with Italian immigrat...
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Funny story:  Robin Gibb to Release One Last Album

Robin Gibb to Release One Last Album

Gibb suffering from the big 'C' talks candidly about his last album, life (or the impending end) and colostomy bags. Many people the world over are today the world over waiting for Rob to pop off; however he has agreed to give us what may well be his last interview. Talking of his latest album the 61 year old BeeGee said; 'I am determined to release one last happy singsong for my fans, ya kn...
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Funny story:  NHS consultants who can detect cancer a 'myth'

NHS consultants who can detect cancer a 'myth'

German researchers have moved to dispute recent suggestions the NHS had a raft of cancer consultants who could be reliably used to detect various forms of the disease, saying they were the childlike imaginings of people with a propensity for hallucin...
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Funny story:  Biting Nails Strongly Linked To Having Short Nails

Biting Nails Strongly Linked To Having Short Nails

Medical studies by the Institute Of Stating The Obvious at Harvard University have discovered a shocking link between people with uneven, short finger nails and those that bite their nails. The team of students studied several people over a period...
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Funny story:  Brian Haw sets up 'anti-cancer' camp at Heaven's gates

Brian Haw sets up 'anti-cancer' camp at Heaven's gates

Anti-war campaigner, Brian Haw, who died of cancer last Friday has reportedly set up an 'anti-cancer' camp at the 'Pearly Gates' and is refusing to move on until God removes cancer from his portfolio of ways to die. An apolplepletic St Peter is sa...
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Funny story:  Cancer-Causing Lightbulbs And Desk Jobs ... We're All Doomed!

Cancer-Causing Lightbulbs And Desk Jobs ... We're All Doomed!

Desk-bound office workers working under the light of energy-efficient bulbs are in serious danger of developing cancer, scientists say. Spend more than a decade behind a desk and you're twice as likely to develop bowel cancer say researchers at th...
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Funny story:  Boozing is good for you if you don't want to know about cancer!

Boozing is good for you if you don't want to know about cancer!

Scientists have discovered that the more you booze the more lightly you are to get cancer, not only; smoking, unhealthy eating, drinking fizzy sugary drinks a la coca cola, etc, filthy environments, too much sex, too little sex, too much oral sex, ma...
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Funny story:  Japanese Fish Cure Cancer.

Japanese Fish Cure Cancer.

In the wake of the latest of Japan's daily earthquake --which on Thursday hit 7.2 on the Richter Scale-- the country's decimated fish industry has been granted new life, now that it has been discovered that Japan's irradiated fish actually cure cance...
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Funny story:  Scientists new study reveals we are all in danger if we eat packaged or canned goods, which can cause cancer, obesity and heart problems.

Scientists new study reveals we are all in danger if we eat packaged or canned goods, which can cause cancer, obesity and heart problems.

Some Scientists have been studying the materials used in food and beverage packaging and have discovered some disturbing facts. Certain chemical additives used in the packaging of food and beverages, including plastics and cans, have been found to be substances which can be harmful to our health. Side effects can include, obesity, heart problems and even certain cancers, to name but a few.
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Funny story:  Mo'Nique Shaves Legs, Donates Result to Locks Of Love

Mo'Nique Shaves Legs, Donates Result to Locks Of Love

When hirsute fatsack Mo'Nique brings her Academy Award in for it's weekly polishing and cake frosting removal, she'll be doing so weighing just a few pounds less: She's broken he 20-year pledge of fetid horribleness and shaved her legs. But it's n...
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Sherlock Actor Investigates Cast

Benedict Cumberbatch drilled the Star Trek cast and successfully deduced that his stolen peanut butter and jelly sandwich was taken by Zachary Quinto.

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