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Funny satire stories about calories

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Funny story:  New Diet Involves Counting

New Diet Involves Counting

We've been told to count calories if we want to control our weight. But now we need to do even more counting, according to a new weight control strategy recommended by the specialist counting agency Counts 'R'Us. They say that if we expend exactly...
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Funny story:  Mayor Bloomberg asks America, "How Many Calories Are in the Big Apple?"

Mayor Bloomberg asks America, "How Many Calories Are in the Big Apple?"

New York, NY: City Hall: Mayor Bloomberg is continues to plunge further with his health initiatives; he asks citizens and constituents across the city, "How many calories are in the big apple?" Bloomberg claims, "upwards of 450,000 per-serving, which...
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Funny story:  Supersized cupcakes now on sale

Supersized cupcakes now on sale

In a move that has the anti-obesity brigade up in arms, several cup cake manufacturers have released supersized versions of their cupcake ranges called mugcakes. "This is just another example of more food being available than people actually need,...
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Funny story:  My New Year's Resolutions:

My New Year's Resolutions:

2008: I will get my weight down below 170 pounds and will definitely give up smoking. 2009: I will watch my calories until my weight is below 200 pounds and maybe give up smoking too. 2010: I will follow my new diet until I get below 220 pounds, but I have decided not to give up the cigarettes just yet. 2011: I will work out once a week on my way to the tobacconist. 2012: I will dr...
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Funny story:  Government to link tax on food to calories

Government to link tax on food to calories

The British government has come up with a unique plan to raise funds by adding a Calorie Added Tax to all food stuff. This CAT is directly related to the calorie content of food such that one calorie equals one pence. Whilst this will have little...
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Funny story:  Incorrect naming of Calorie means our food intake is over 950 times worse than thought

Incorrect naming of Calorie means our food intake is over 950 times worse than thought

Nutritionists were demanding answers today following the admission by scientists that the Calorie was incorrectly named and that each Calorie we ingest is actually worth 1000 Calories! If this is proved to be true, then a pint of lager may in fact...
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Funny story:  Sparkling Water Has More Calories than Diet Cola

Sparkling Water Has More Calories than Diet Cola

A laboratory in Switzerland has made a discovery that will upset many a dieter who may have opted for a sparkling mineral water as opposed to a diet cola or other low calorie soft drink. For it turns out that fizzy water actually contains more calor...
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Funny story:  Michael Phelps's 12,000-calorie per day diet requirement causing food shortages at the Olympic Village; Int'l harmony undermined, says IOC

Michael Phelps's 12,000-calorie per day diet requirement causing food shortages at the Olympic Village; Int'l harmony undermined, says IOC

Beijing, China - Publicly, Chinese Olympic officials deny that they are having trouble keeping up with Michael Phelp's 12,000 calorie per day dietary requirements, resulting in food supply shortages for the other Olympic athletes residing at the at t...
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Funny story:  Harvard Study: Eight Glasses a Day Makes You Fat

Harvard Study: Eight Glasses a Day Makes You Fat

Cambridge, MA - A newly released Harvard research study has uncovered gross inaccuracies in nutritional information of more than five popular brands of bottled water.
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Funny story:  In Search of the Calorie

In Search of the Calorie

Everyone knows that calories cause weight gain. But what is a calorie? Scientists believe that the answer to this question will not only cure obesity but also provide the key to understanding the nature of the Universe.
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Michael Moore's Latest Film in Current Previews

Conspiracy sniffer-head Moore has cinematically digitized his latest gambit to expose a secret scheme in the baking industry. His Rotundity's new film is entitled "Wall Street Tookover My Twinkies!"

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