Universally known as a bit of a tit, I resolved to bring an open mind to my meeting with Louis Walsh. Only six weeks after his well-publicised brain implant, he agreed to meet for lunch at his favourite greasy spoon in one of Dublin's murkiest back streets. ('I like to keep it real,' he told me inscrutably.)
Louis flounced in, 40 minutes late, wearing a rather fetching two-tone green tank top...
X Factor Overlord Simon Cowell has finally broken his silence on Louis Walsh's controversial brain implant with characteristically blunt analysis. "Even with the brain of a hamster," mocked the Overlord, "Louis couldn't manage a band of teenage roden...
The White House was closed this weekend while attendants fumigated the president's offices for a pest infestation.
Several anonymous United Nations sources reported today of the Galactic Origins Domination Project. Government whistle-blowers praise it as next to Heaven in scope.
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