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Funny story: Bonus for Bank Chief Shock

Bonus for Bank Chief Shock

Geoffrey Skint, famous Chief Executioner of the Royal Bank of Slush, has been awarded an unusual bonus. He will receive a bill from the relatives of all those people he has executed over the last year. This will go some way to alleviate the suffering...
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Funny story: Government introduces bonus seizure law

Government introduces bonus seizure law

After a clamour of popular protest, the UK government has rushed through new legislation which allows them to seize any bonuses that are deemed too high. A committee of "public interest specialists" will meet every month to discuss who should have...
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Funny story: Mass Coin Cash In Causes Chaos

Mass Coin Cash In Causes Chaos

Customers at several high street banks were left fuming today as protestors over bankers bonuses staged a mass coin cash-in. Organised through the popular social networking site, Facebank, thousands of people with jars of coins bagged them up and too...
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Funny story: Banker Returns £2 Million Bonus

Banker Returns £2 Million Bonus

Top Banker Arnold Ponsonby has returned his £2 million pound bonus because he is sure it must be a mistake. 'I do not deserve this payment' he told reporters outside his terraced house in Mayfair 'with the economy shrinking by 0.6% I feel I must p...
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Funny story: Royal Bank of Scotland confirmed as being run by lucky bastards

Royal Bank of Scotland confirmed as being run by lucky bastards

With the news that RBS bankers are to get £950m in bonuses despite making a £1.1bn loss and costing the country hundreds of millions in cutbacks as the country props it up, it was revealed today that the bank is is in fact run by complete lucky basta...
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Funny story: UK bankers confirm that they won't be taking big bonuses after all

UK bankers confirm that they won't be taking big bonuses after all

Following a consultation with the government, which included a meeting with Chancellor Ozzy Osborne and the rather tall Business Secretary Dr Vince Price, the chief executives of the big four banks decided that out of respect to the rather large pile...
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Funny story: Why Worry About Bonuses?

Why Worry About Bonuses?

The envy culture is upon us again with layabouts criticising the Banks for taking well earned bonuses. What people need to understand is that Top Executives would go abroad for better deals if bonuses were not paid.' But where did this comment come from? A Banker? A Tory Politician? A Liberal Democrat trying to resurface? No. It is a test transmission from the proposed Fox News! So what have...
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Funny story: Bankers Smile As Snow Takes Away Spotlight on Super-Bonuses

Bankers Smile As Snow Takes Away Spotlight on Super-Bonuses

LONDON - In a sneaky sly way in the City, the snow which has caused untold traffic and emergency service misery, is the bankers' gold. While the snow is diverting attention away from huge super-bonuses and the fact that Russia won the 2014 WC bid,...
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Funny story: RBS CEO In Bonus Replacement Rumour

RBS CEO In Bonus Replacement Rumour

Stephen Hester, CEO of the Royal Bank of Scotland, has recently hit the headlines by announcing that he is giving up his £1.6m bonus for 2009. However, it came to my attention that he didn't mention that he might be replacing it with something no...
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Funny story: Recovery? Don't Bank on it!

Recovery? Don't Bank on it!

Much has been made of the news that UK banks are planning to reward their staff for their 'hard work' this year. Despite protests in the media - these same banks are claiming that they will lose all their 'talent' if they do not offer competitive bon...
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Funny story: The Government Wants Those Bonuses Back

The Government Wants Those Bonuses Back

The House of Representatives has voted to create a new bonus tax band of 90% which will apply to all bonuses at companies that start with A and end in IG. Additionally, once someone has paid tax at the new rate, they will continue to pay tax at that...
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Funny story: Bank chiefs to take bonuses in yoghurt

Bank chiefs to take bonuses in yoghurt

Executives of banks taking government recapitalisation will receive their bonuses in yoghurt. The move by the Treasury to force heads of failed banks follows similar initiatives from President Barack Obama in the US. Lloyds Banking Group and Ro...
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Funny story: Obama To Wall Street: Bonuses To Be Paid In Pennies

Obama To Wall Street: Bonuses To Be Paid In Pennies

(Washington, D.C.) A day after President Obama read an article that Wall Street bankers paid themselves 18 billion dollars in bonuses out of the Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP), funds allocated to open up lending and credit, the President is pro...
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Funny story: Bank pays cleaner £12m bonus

Bank pays cleaner £12m bonus

London - a large international bank has paid one of its best cleaners a £12m bonus this year. The cleaner who wishes to remain anonymous has been given the huge city bonus following years of delivering exceptional performance. Following a recent r...
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Funny story: Bank: "Take the Sons of Bitches"... for Every Farthing!

Bank: "Take the Sons of Bitches"... for Every Farthing!

A leading bank, despite receiving a giant bailout, is telling its employees that a bonus bonanza is still in the offing! The unscrupulous "corpse-oration" (which literally means a prayer over a dead body) has joined many multinationals in continu...
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Funny story: Tony Blair in line for $10 million banking bonus

Tony Blair in line for $10 million banking bonus

Off-the-Wall-St, NYC - (Fatcat Mess): Tony Blair, widely accredited as the secret genius behind the $5 trillion global nationalisation of banks, is in line for a whopping great big fatcat rake off according to reports in BigOilShagger! magazine. B...
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Funny story: CBI suggests bonus scheme for job botchers should be available to all British workers

CBI suggests bonus scheme for job botchers should be available to all British workers

Taking the lead from Network Rail management, the CBI have suggested that all British companies should introduce special bonus schemes for poor and shoddy workmanship.
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