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Funny satire stories about bars

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Throwing own faeces found out to be number one way to getting served at bar first

Funny story: Throwing own faeces found out to be number one way to getting served at bar first

Studies at the University of Central Lancashire have found that throwing your own faeces and waste at bar staff is the number one way to getting served first in a bar or restaurant. The research found the tactic, which is employed by some angry...

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Mel Gibson Wondering If Jews Ever Got Swine Flu?

Funny story: Mel Gibson Wondering If Jews Ever Got Swine Flu?

Mel Gibson may be slipping back into his old ways again and that's not good news for his fans. "No one wants him anymore and he was near the top of the trade about three years ago", stated one producer who knows Gibson and asked not to be named.

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The Ukraine Mandates That All Bars Be Closed Immediately

Funny story: The Ukraine Mandates That All Bars Be Closed Immediately

KIEV, Ukraine - Word coming out of the Ukraine is that the government has issued a mandate that will go into effect immediately. The Ukraine has proclaimed that as of now, all bars will be closed indefinitely. The reason that is being given is...

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Justin Bieber Feels The Bieber Backlash As He's Turned Away From Clubs and Super Bowl Parties

Funny story: Justin Bieber Feels The Bieber Backlash As He's Turned Away From Clubs and Super Bowl Parties

NEW YORK CITY - It appears that it has just not quite sunk into Justin Bieber's thick skull that no one wants to deal with him anymore. The little pint-sized trouble maker was turned away from several New York City clubs during Super Bowl Weekend.

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Chicago Bans Dart Boards In All Drinking Establishments

Funny story: Chicago Bans Dart Boards In All Drinking Establishments

CHICAGO - The Chicago City Council has just issued a city mandate that will prohibit all drinking establishments including bars, lounges, clubs, and cantinas within the city limits from having a dart board on the premises. The CCC took this measur...

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The We Got Pot Bar & Grill Voted The Best In Washington State

Funny story: The We Got Pot Bar & Grill Voted The Best In Washington State

WALLA WALLA, Washington - Ever since the two states of Colorado and Washington legalized the use of marijuana the tourism numbers have skyrocketed beyond belief. Many of the younger residents of the states are as excited as Chelsea Handler at an N...

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Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom Talking The Big "D"

Funny story: Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom Talking The Big "D"

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - The hills of Hollywood are bustling with the sounds of unhappiness in the Lamar and Khloe household. After nearly four years of wedded bliss the bliss appears to be turning into blisters. According to a highly reliable source,...

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Lindsay Lohan Says She Was Groped In Her Hotel Room

Funny story: Lindsay Lohan Says She Was Groped In Her Hotel Room

NEW YORK CITY - Like a moth to a flame, trouble seems to seek out Lindsay Lohan as if she is the only celebrity in the world of LaLaLand. Lohan, who has had two vehicular accidents, stolen a $2,500 necklace, participated in a game of Spin The Jose...

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Confessions of an undercover Jesuit in Mormon American Fork, Utah and how I alone will defeat Mitt Romney

Funny story: Confessions of an undercover Jesuit in Mormon American Fork, Utah and how I alone will defeat Mitt Romney

I am a Roman Catholic clergyman, a Jesuit. From 1991 through the fall of 1994, I lived in American Fork, Utah, a then small, village between Salt Lake City and Provo. I was a missionary to the Mormons. I was also deeply under cover. For the first year-and-a-half my cover was that of a bar fly with my own stool at the le Sabre Lounge in American Fork, an honest to goodness bar (a private cl...

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Man in bar referring to sport team as "we"

Funny story: Man in bar referring to sport team as "we"

NEW YORK, NY - Though he is not an active, reserve, or practice squad member of the New York Jets, area man Kris Hellersworth repeatedly identified himself with the organization during Monday night's game, according to observers. "Goddammit! We ne...

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A man walks into a bar to meet others for a "A Man Walks Into a Bar" joke convention

Funny story: A man walks into a bar to meet others for a "A Man Walks Into a Bar" joke convention

They were all there, the first man who ever did it, now an old wheelchair bound octogenarian, the next few men who walked into various bars in various jokes the world over. The Horse, The Zebra, The two blonds, the twelve inch pianist. The bar was packed with anyone who was anyone in the "A Man Walks Into a Bar" joke world. There have been countless variations on this joke down throughout t...

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"Tahoe Bar and Girl" Features Liquor in the Front, Poker in the Rear

Funny story: "Tahoe Bar and Girl" Features Liquor in the Front, Poker in the Rear

Admitting to creating a play on words twice in the same sentence, Nevada real estate developer and entrepreneur, Manny Slongenhard, will be opening a new multi service entertainment establishment in Lake Tahoe next spring called the Tahoe Bar and Gir...

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Blagojevich's Tavern to Open in Chicago Illinois

Funny story: Blagojevich's Tavern to Open in Chicago Illinois

Chicago IL, November 2, 2010: Former Republican State Treasurer Judy Baar Topinka has unseated the Democratic Governor Rod Blagojevich in a close election contest. Governor Blagojevich had been accused of selling President Barack Obama's vacated Sena...

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Bar's Bath Tub Gin Blinding Patrons - Bar Shuttered

Funny story: Bar's Bath Tub Gin Blinding Patrons - Bar Shuttered

EMMAUS - Constable Finless closed the Emmaus Saloon for serving its 'Aspartame Knocker': 2 jiggers lemon juice, 1 PURE aspartame. Blinded patrons were knocked on their Pennsylvania dutch lardy butts (PDLB). Investigation by the Emmaus constable re...

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Banned Beverage Returns to American Bars

Funny story: Banned Beverage Returns to American Bars

Absinthe was taken off of the liquor store shelves and out of the bars and saloons of the United States over 100 years ago. Doctors, at the time, said that the drink caused blindness, seizures, and insanity.

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Bush attacks Happy Hour

Funny story: Bush attacks Happy Hour

With stocks falling, oil prices rising, jobs being outsourced to other countries and relations with the roiling Middle East choppy at best, President George W. Bush announced a full-scale plan to cut back Happy Hour by six minutes in the United State...

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Getting around the smoking ban

Funny story: Getting around the smoking ban

(Seattle, WA) As more states enact smoking bans, some business owners are taking legal steps to preserve their smoking sections. They are handing over their property to Native Americans.

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Downtown merchants like new signs

Funny story: Downtown merchants like new signs

(Seattle, WA) City stores exiting to alleyways are appreciative of new street placards being posted near garbage bins and back doorways.

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Breaking news…

The Only Way to Get the Palestinians to the Table

Our Middle East correspondent M. Voltaire opines: If you want PLO/Hamas to come to the Peace Table, set out copious quantities of rancid cheese --it's the only enticing incentive for street rats.
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