Rome - Stargazers reviewing the Pope's birth chart said today a massive build up of freaky asteroids in his natal Cancer is probably behind this morning's resignation.
Decades of space junk clashes in the crabby constellation had clearly worn down...
Canary Islands - Some weird astrological stuff in Aquarius the Water Carrier and Pisces the Fish has been blamed for the sinking of a lifeboat which crashed 65ft from an upper deck into the sea, killing five and injuring three.
The incident happen...
I had been an astrologer for very many years, diligently generating predictions from the ancient charts for both private clients and national periodicals.
For much of that time, however, I had harboured an unspoken suspicion that something was not quite right. It seemed to me that predictions were frequently inaccurate - in fact they were nearly always completely wrong.
I had, nevertheless,...
Washington DC - Capitol Hill stargazers are close to panic at evidence that a 'rogue planet' is transiting President Obama's birth chart.
Spotted some 100 light years from Earth and provisionally dubbed CFBDSIR2149-0403 the 'homeless' celestial bo...
New York - A Public Health notice posted on the corner of E.86th and 5th is warning the aspect occurs in the 'fixed' water sign of Scorpio that rules the gonads, oil and gas and various Middle Eastern tinpot dictatorships.
Particularly affected a...
Washington - Capitol Hill astrologers are piling on the misery as a series of strategic zodiac aspects continues to blight Vice President Biden's natal chart.
"We see him on the karmic equivalent of the Brits' controversial Liverpool Care Pathway,...
Washington - It's bad news for the Romney Campaign as millions of undecided American voters head for the polls under the influence of a rare astrological aspect on the day of the US presidential election.
Tuesday sees Mercury, planet of communicat...
New York - The Carnegie Hill chapter of Filthy Rich Pagans Anonymous is right up Barry's ass over Friday's lunation according to a new hex-messaging service launched today.
A rare and stunning second August Full Moon lights up the heavens in that...
Balmoral Castle, Scotland - A crack team from the Special Astrological Service in charge of stars' and celebs' security is behind the move amid unprecedented planetary alignments.
These show a celestial Grand Cross forming in the zodiac's cardinal...
New York - A stargazer-to-the-stars is warning of a deceptive line-up in the heavens this week as thousands of Americans flock to London to support the US Olympic team.
Holly Grail, whose hunches include the 2005 discovery of the long-lost Leonard...
London - A cosmic tsunami is being predicted as Uranus, celestial body of sudden eruptions, turns retrograde this Friday.
Nicknamed the zodiac's Great Awakener the planet currently straddles part of the Aries constellation traditionally associated...
Surrey - Bottom-of-the barrel non-entities and other wannabes are arriving in droves at the Hollywood couple's rented pad this weekend located in the Premiership footballers' adultery haven near Oxshott.
The ten bedroom mock-Tudorbethan pile in th...
London - It's straddling the High Horse Nebula that first crossed Prince William's descendant when Diana demanded £100 million for an 'amicable' divorce split.
The terribly rare, tragedy-tinged aspect now pops up this Tuesday as William readies t...
London - A new white van launched by General Motors has been named after an rare astrological aspect dominating the skies this week.
The Ford Transit of Venus comes customised with a tiger-skin couch, blow-up waterbed, strobe lights, lava lamps an...
London - Holed up in a grotty geriatric ward at London's King Edward Potatoes Clinic for Past-it Duffers the Duke of Edinburgh had a terrifying vision last night.
Apparently someone told him that a once-in-a-lifetime Sun-Venus conjunction on Tuesd...
Indonesia - The Pacific Ring of Fire was shaken by a 6.1 tremor today just as the eclipsed Sagittarius full moon's shadow path crossed the equator.
"The area is notorious for over-reacting to astrological phenomena," a spokesperson for the World G...
London - The eclipsed Sagittarius Full Moon promises to drive people bonkers with a compulsory extra day's holiday and other Government bollox.
Astrologers call it the Strawberry Fool Moon on account of supermarket scams to make shoppers cough up...
London - A karmic tempest is on the cards as the nation's soothsaying industries unite in their Diamond Jubilee predictions.
Their warnings for Sunday describe a horrible foreskin - er...foretaste! - of Hurricane Beryl, a topical [sic] storm curre...