MOSCOW - President Vladimir Putin, realizing he has only but a few days left to 2012, is trying desperately in the year's remaining hours to up his street cred for The Complete and Utter Asshole of the Year Award.
In an asshole move reminiscent of...
KANSAS CITY, MO (ABSNN) - In a Kansas City news conference today, Republican challenger Todd Akin, of "Legitimate Rape" fame accused incumbent US Senator Claire McCaskill of acting "unladylike," during Wednesday's TV and radio debate.
"It beg...
COW PATTY, IOWA (ABSNN) - Mitt Romney attmpted to show farmers he was one of them at a dairy farm in this small Iowa village Saturday morning. It didn't turn out well for the Republican nominee. He was injured while "milking" a bull that was isolat...
The seemingly never flushing turd that is Charlie Sheen will once again invade American TV with yet another sitcom in which he plays a character called Charlie.
Sheen, who is a bit like that fly you cannot swat, the annoying Auntie who visits all...
A local man who was reported missing four days ago has been located, "safe and unsound", after an astonishing tip-off to his whereabouts from a 'remote-viewer' thousands of miles away in the USA, say Dorking police.
Paul Twist, of 23 Abercorn Stre...
A new study published this month in the New England Journal of New England Medical Journals suggest that people who are predominately left brained are almost always first class ass holes. And to make matters worst the study shows they don't know they're ass holes either.
So how can you, a person of impeccable standards, determine if you're left brained and consequently an ass hole? The first q...
2011 is just barely underway, and yet Washington D.C. is already abuzz about the 2012 elections. On Tuesday, November 6, 2012, all U.S. Representative seats and many Senate seats will be up for grabs, along with quite a few governor's races and legis...
D'Starkville, IN - My sources have learned of a local bar which, astoundingly, manages to be completely full of assholes on any given night. The bar in question, Cobb's Drinkhole, contains every variety of asshole, from the Big Dumb Asshole, all the...
Brussels, Belgium. Former martial arts champion and occasional actor, Jean Claude van Damme, has been selected by a panel of experts as the world's biggest asshole.
The criterior used in choosing the winner was mainly how many girlfriends a celeb...
Lynchburg Tennessee - Distiller Jack Daniels, under pressure from Conservative spokesman Rush Limbaugh, have agreed to reissue their famous traditional black Tee-shirt popularly worn by assholes until recently.
Limbaugh and his right leaning group...
911 debunking group Assholes For Lies were shocked by the BBC's latest hit peace of a documentary 'The Conspiracy Files - 911 The Third Tower', which aired on BBC2 on Sunday night.
A is for being an Asshole on the road.
Glasgow, Scotland - Postgraduate researchers at the University of Strathclyde now have compelling evidence linking two personality types: 'Jerks' and 'Pricks'.
Dave Pekering, the Briitsh citizen who holds the world record for having the largest penis, has dumped his Russian girlfriend in order to date a man.
On May 10, Spoof reporter Dan Bristol submitted an article in which President George W. Bush is reported to have admitted to reporters during a press conference "I'm an asshole."...
Oprah Winfrey, whose enormously popular book club has made new authors rise to the best-seller list in a matter of days, has announced a new pick, and the results have been nothing short of astonishing.