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NASA forced to reconsider colonizing new planet after aliens report violent attacks

Funny story: NASA forced to reconsider colonizing new planet after aliens report violent attacks

After restarting the NASA program that lie dormant under the Obama Administration, NASA had finally discovered a planet that was fit for human habitation. They needed volunteers to inhabit the discovered planet. As a condition for funding the project...

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Jesus Tasered After Walking Into Church

33 year old two time zombie Jesus of Nazareth was tasered by an off duty policeman Sunday morning after he entered a Catholic church during mass. Witnesses from a home across the street from the church report seeing "some scroungy looking guy" ent...

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Snowden: Israel Has Developed Locust Bombs

Funny story: Snowden: Israel Has Developed Locust Bombs

Edward Snowden, who is out to become the modern Benedict Arnold stated today that U.S CIA officials know that Israel has developed a very small drone that carries considerable explosive power along with the ability of disrupting enemy communications.

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Ex-police chief held in talking and salt case

A retired senior police officer from Gateshead has been arrested on suspicion of stalking, talking and salt. Former Chief Supt Ralph Condiment was held after a man and woman complained of being followed and subjected to a barrage of irrelevant tal...

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Argument Between Fundamentalists and Jehovah's Witnesses Result to Very Large-Scale Assault

DESPICABLE, ME (Acme Quicknews) -- The beautiful scenery of a public park was destroyed after an assault between Christian Fundamentalists and Jehovah's Witnesses last March 19, 2013. The said assault started when both groups hand out flyers and p...

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Anti-Cult Organization Plans Bulldozer Assault on "Westboro Baptist Cult"

Funny story: Anti-Cult Organization Plans Bulldozer Assault on "Westboro Baptist Cult"

Mein Kraft, an anti-cult-slash-construction workers' organization, plans to ram the infamous Westboro Baptist Church, labeled to many as a cult, with a squad of bulldozers and other heavy construction equipment. Tony "Harbinger" Toponi, spokespers...

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New York moves to ban assault shakers

Funny story: New York moves to ban assault shakers

New York, NY - The state of New York is moving to ban assault shakers, according to a spokesman from the governor's office, Mr. Harry Pepper. "We have no issue, now, with salt shakers. But who, in their right mind, needs an assault shaker?", Mr.

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Rihanna Reveals The Real Reason She Chopped Off Her Hair

Funny story: Rihanna Reveals The Real Reason She Chopped Off Her Hair

SANTA BARBARA, California - Rihanna had just finished performing before a less than sell-out crowd in the recently opened Earthquake 3.9 Arena in Santa Barbara. She was sitting backstage in her dressing room when she agreed to an interview with Af...

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Assaults in Chicago are linked to a coma patient; unheard theories of a resident

Funny story: Assaults in Chicago are linked to a coma patient; unheard theories of a resident

A series of assaults occurred in Chicago July 1st. 4 women have reported physical assault to their local police station. One woman named the attacker as Marko Dulce. She gave a written statement and matched the man's face with a police sketch. Up...

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Walgreen's Hires Sexual Predator As Security Guard

I was convinced that April would be better after the first 10 days went by without incident, internet not included. And then the most ridiculous thing possible happened. Here's the letter I had to send in addition to visiting the local police precinct. Some vital info needed prior to reading: the man below is 50 years old, was a security guard on duty, and was called "one of the nicest people aliv...

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Well Intentioned Grandma Cleans Foreheads Of Passersby With Saliva Coated Thumb

Funny story: Well Intentioned Grandma Cleans Foreheads Of Passersby With Saliva Coated Thumb

SPOKANE, WA-Ruth Briggsby, a 64-year-old grandmother of five and retired school teacher, was driving home from the pharmacy on the morning of Ash Wednesday, when she passed the new Catholic Church on 18th Avenue just as its congregation was leavi...

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'Pug-ugly' royal bridesmaid's uncle up on GBH charges

Funny story: 'Pug-ugly' royal bridesmaid's uncle up on GBH charges

London - Military Police are probing a serious assault on a humble squaddie by a Booze & Royals major whose gargoyle-faced niece was a bridesmaid in April's royal wedding. Major Nicholas Van Cutsem is accused of whipping a soldier so severely...

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Man Attacked by Hamburger

Funny story: Man Attacked by Hamburger

Atlanta - Keith Henderson, 22, of Peach Tree City was attacked earlier today by a Big Mac. Mr. Henderson was enjoying his regular meal at a local fast food joint when the sandwich he was about to eat jumped out of his hands and attacked him. Mr...

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Judge in Assault Trial Loses Plot... completely.

Funny story: Judge in Assault Trial Loses Plot... completely.

Australia: A QUEENSLAND man has described himself as "a bit of a monster" during his trial for assault outside a Melbourne strip club that left the victim critically injured. Christopher Gibbon, 28, of Brisbane, appeared at Melbourne's Crown Cour...

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Wiltshire police to charge door frame with assault of woman in custody

Funny story: Wiltshire police to charge door frame with assault of woman in custody

A Wiltshire door frame is expected to be charged with the actual bodily harm of a woman in custody after a policeman previously imprisoned for the act, was found not guilty on appeal. Sgt Mark Andrews, of Wiltshire Police, was filmed ushering Pame...

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Vote for Rand Paul or Southern Boys Will Step on Your Head

Funny story: Vote for Rand Paul or Southern Boys Will Step on Your Head

Republican nominee Rand Paul finally apologized to the protestor seen in a UTube video with a Rand supporter stepping on a woman's head and pinning her to the ground. The apology came after the video became viral and Paul was forced to make a state...

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British justice saves the day by molly-coddling yobs! Evil teenage thugs who tortured helpless autistic boy for 17 days released by judge because they "said sorry"

Funny story: British justice saves the day by molly-coddling yobs! Evil teenage thugs who tortured helpless autistic boy for 17 days released by judge because they "said sorry"

The evidence was there for all to see. A gang of 3 evil teens - used a mobile phone to film themselves carrying out depraved assaults on their 17-year-old autistic victim - who suffers from Asperger's syndrome. In a sickening spree of violence the...

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Porky Pig Gets Be-dee Be-dee B-Beaten Up

Funny story: Porky Pig Gets Be-dee Be-dee B-Beaten Up

Police were called to the Six Flags Great America Park in Illinois to investigate a reported beating of the Porky Pig character by two off-duty park workers. There was some kind of beef (no pun intended) between the parties that resulted in the...

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Breaking news…

Man Cures Cancer While Sitting In ER Waiting Room

After arriving at the hospital for a health complication a gentleman had to wait to be seen. 8 years later he's still there, but found the cure for cancer in the meantime. That was 6 years ago...
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