Our first story this month is very unusual indeed. Great Granddad Benjamin Down came to us with his embarrassing ailment. Ben tells his story.
"I was in the garden, 1944 it was. Digging for England it was called; we all did our bit in those days. Anyway, it was wash day and my Ida had put my smalls in to soak so, naturally I was as naked as Mrs Sharpe from Number 13 when the GI's were in town.
GENEVA-The United Nations has unanimously given approval for Governments to introduce a new form of personal identification known as anus printing at an annual meeting in Geneva, Switzerland.
Anus printing involves taking a digital photo of the a...
In a poll conducted by The Harvard Institute of Silly Surveys That Waste Government Money But Provide Work For Tenured Professors, Lazy Students and ACORN Workers, Anal Seepage was voted "The Least Favorite Thing To Find In A Chair."
The study fo...
Lawyers for the International Brotherhood of Hamsters announced yesterday that the entire population of pet Hamsters will go on a full activity strike, unless reports of Felching around the globe cease.
Terry Beaverton, lawyer and translator for t...
An amateur astronomer, Jim Plug, has discovered the youngest ever black hole in space.
Those interested in anal sex will be excited to learn that the black hole will help us understand how stars explode.
Plug let the cat out of the bag after ex...
Anal bleaching technician supremo, Raymondo Derriere today issued a health advisory for anybody considering in investing in the treatment.
Until recently the sole preserve of the adult movie business, in order to make close up anal penetration sho...
A French practitioner of the Hollywood adult movie industry trend of anal bleaching, today claimed that the practice had extended beyond adult movie performers and spread its tentacles into the world of international politics.
Raymondo Derriere, o...
Skoob Entertainment News supremo, Buffty Ginslinger, today revealed that sources had revealed that X-factor judge and mentor Cheryl Cole had admitted having her hair dyed red but strenuously denied having her anus bleached or vajazzled in line with a...
Budding porno starlet, Venus Mound, was left today counting the cost of an unfortunate mix-up at a Hollywood anal bleaching salon.
Apparently, anal bleaching is a 'must have' procedure in the adult movie industry, to prevent the anal ringpiece res...
South African President, Jacob Zuma is apparently, according to sources, firmly of the position that porn stars who do anal scenes in adult movies are more at risk of infection by HIV than ordinary people who don't indulge in that sort of thing.
A...
CARSON CITY, NV - A new Gallup poll says that more Nevadans would prefer unprotected anal-sex rather than have Harry Reid win another term as the State's senator.
63 percent said they would rather be on the receiving-end of unprotected anal sex ra...
Admitting to creating a play on words twice in the same sentence, Nevada real estate developer and entrepreneur, Manny Slongenhard, will be opening a new multi service entertainment establishment in Lake Tahoe next spring called the Tahoe Bar and Gir...
Long thought to be scientific territory that could not be crossed or mastered, much like proving the existence of Quarks and Gluons, or confirming the delivery of more than two contiguous orgasms to Margaret Thatcher, Sir Lynton of Leicester has crossed that chasm with a chemical compound that eliminates the existence and associated smells of anal and ball sack cheese.
Working with a small team...
E-by-gum! news has revealed that A-list celebrities who refuse to appear with Ryan Seacrust on interviews will be tagged with fish-shaped "hypno chips" which insert directly into the rectum.
An alarmed Piff Doddy exclaimed that such a bold move i...
Quincy Puckernut, author of "The Anally Retentive Man", nearly expired in his home late yesterday while editing his second novel titled, "Your Life Will Never be Perfect".
Police were called to the scene after a concerned neighbor reported hearing...
Sphincter, Ohio - After their recent tour of the White House with George and Laura Bush, Barack and Michelle Obama have decided to whitewash the White House with anal bleach before they take occupancy.
"Out with the old, in with the new," said Michelle. "After eight years, that white trash has really trashed the place, top to bottom."
"The exterior hasn't looked this bad since the British tr...
Washington AC/DC - (Sordid Ass Mess): Buoyed by his phenomenal prescience in tipping Barack Obama as the next President-Elect of the United States former Bush Administration Secretary of State General Colon Bowel is in line for a top Shite House posi...
WASHINGTON - President-elect Barack Obama likes anal bleaching. Anal Bleaching has been practised for more than 200 years but U.S. scientists have just figured out how the cleaner does its work.
Hillary Clinton said she bleaches on a regular basi...