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Funny satire stories about abstinence

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There's a new trend sweeping teen nation this Summer

There's a trendy word making the rounds among teens during these hot summer months and that word is celibacy. Yes, celibacy, the practice of safe sex via the means of abstinence or, in other words, no sex. When I first heard this prudish practice...

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New DNA Evidence Reveals That the Virgin Mary Was Not a Virgin

Funny story: New DNA Evidence Reveals That the Virgin Mary Was Not a Virgin

ROME--Biblical scholars have long been puzzled by a passage by a man named Baruch, in the apocryphal text of the same name, which reads, "Yeah. I hit on that. She was a nice piece of ass, though a bit of a holy roller for my taste." Although schol...

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Abstinence Only and Just say No Groups combine in new strategy...Just Don't Look

With studies showing that Abstinence Only and Just Say No efforts have not resulted in any lessening of sexual activity among young people but inexplicably have increased their activity more than those that have not signed up, the two groups have beg...

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US Government Abstinence Education Program Eliminated

Funny story: US Government Abstinence Education Program Eliminated

President Barack Obama announced today that he has eliminated former President Bush's Abstinence Only Education program and has begun a new "Getting Laid is Cool" program. "We will never eliminate the desire for sex", Obama stated during a news co...

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Abstinence Program Giving Chimps Blue Balls

Funny story: Abstinence Program Giving Chimps Blue Balls

Seattle, Washington - A new government program designed to encourage abstinence among primates has spread the dreaded teenage ailment "Blue balls" to chimps. The World Wildlife Fund, the organization originally pushing for the program has now admitte...

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Abstinence Only Education program to be Eliminated

Funny story: Abstinence Only Education program to be Eliminated

President Barack Obama announced today that he will eliminate former President Bush's Abstinence Only Education program and begin a new "Getting Laid is Cool" program. "We will never eliminate the desire for sex", Obama stated during a news confer...

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Congress Will Abstain from Abstinence Only: "Obama says: Fcuk Yeah!"

Funny story: Congress Will Abstain from Abstinence Only: "Obama says: Fcuk Yeah!"

The Bush administration's health programs were often determined by the careful study of chicken entrails. It was this method that prompted the intelligent design educational initiatives, the CDC campaign to promote chicken soup as an AIDS preventativ...

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To Promote Abstinence, Bush Begins 'Just say NO to vagina' Campaign

Funny story: To Promote Abstinence, Bush Begins 'Just say NO to vagina' Campaign

President Bush and his wife Laura announced today that the federal government will attempt to promote their Abstinence Only program and discourage teenage boys from having sex with a new $1.2 Billion 'Just say NO to vagina' advertising campai...

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Dear Paraphernalia4Your Genitalia: The Virginity Monologues

Dear P4YG, I have been a faithful participant in an abstinence only Christian youth group since I have been ten years old. My father wh...

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Abstinence Programs Found to Have Little Effect!

Funny story: Abstinence Programs Found to Have Little Effect!

Much to the suprise of Bush administration supporters of Abstinence only sex education, graduates of these programs have the same rate of premarital sex as students who never were exposed to Just Say No Sex Ed (JSNSE) .

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Purity Dances and Abstinence Balls Highlight of Just Say No Campaign

Funny story: Purity Dances and Abstinence Balls Highlight of Just Say No Campaign

Fundamentalist Christians have begun a new movement to encourage young girls to wait until marriage before engaging in sexual contact. Called "abstinence balls" or "purity dances," these events end with the teenager signing a con...

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Breaking news…

Putin Hacked The Emmys

NBC, ABC, and CBS all claim that Russian President Putin hacked the Emmy Award computers, to explain how unknown, barely-viewed shows on Netflix and HBO could win so many awards.
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