A flurry of sneezes is expected to travel east over Wales and give Londoners their first big sneeze of winter. Severe colds and flu are likely to be widespread. Temperatures should be checked regularly for signs of pneumonia.
The worst of the snee...
1. If your wife keeps turning up the thermostat, start collecting guns, just to let her know you mean business.
2. You remember that guy that never wore a heavy coat and said he was always comfortable. He died of pneumonia.
3. In the depression people burned their homes' inside doors for warmth. Luckily that could never happen again.
4. You can turn off your refrigerator if...
The Met Office has issued a warning of "heavy and persistent rain" across many parts of the country.
The alert covers south west Scotland, Lothian, the Scottish Borders, Central, Tayside, Fife and Strathclyde "and loads of other places - you just...
Commuters on the popular Ninky-nonk line are today facing a winter of discontent, as the line is suspended for several weeks over safety concerns. A spokesman described the problem as "spacial instability" and said the closure may well become permane...
London, England: Snow in January. It's going to snow, the polar bears will be wandering the streets of London again, having swam down the Thames from their thawing icebergs.
Snow Alert! Snow Alert! Snow Alert! Snow Alert!
The wolves will be...
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne was defiant yesterday in the teeth of Opposition calls for an economic policy U-Turn.
Britain's output fell by 0.5% in the last quarter of 2010. Expectant experts had expected a small amount of growth.
The hardest winter in living memory seems set to return with a vengeance to the UK before long, writes Belinda Barrelscraper, Storm on the Cultural Horizon Correspondent.
The UK is currently enjoying a brief respite from a record-breaking winter o...
Mr. Snow Miser who played, well the 'Snow Miser', on the hit Christmas television special, The Year Without a Santa Claus, discovered to his dismay that he has been put on the TSA's 'No Fly' list.
Mr. Miser, who was trying to get back to his hom...
Fears are growing about the British weather. As forecasters predict ice and snow of unprecedented levels throughout the Christmas period the terrible facts are becoming clear to everyone.
Our Christmas could be a TOTAL WIPEOUT.
We face the grim...
The rattling in Jim Duncan's 1994 Pontiac is getting difficult to ignore. As winter quickly approaches, Duncan has been biting his nails at the thought of a major repair.
"Any repair over $900 bucks ain't worth doing, so I don't know what they he...
Temperatures of -20 degrees. Snow everywhere. The curse of the old lady eskimos.
This is officially the worst Welsh Winter ever.
Usually used to temperatures of about 1 degree, Wales has underperformed yet again: cocking up everyone's plans.
Like everybody on the Isle of Wight, we are hoping for a White Christmas.
We didn't have one last Christmas, but the signs are good that the snow afflicting the mainland will reach us just in time for the festive season. Please note, this is not a...
Winter's had enough
of itself; it wants to do something else...
nothing drastic or abnormal
like be a businessman or an elf
it wants to have a
crack ...
at being something
new
like spring or autumn,
that would be cool
and cool is one thing it can do.
It's not very sure if
summertime is something that he could pull off...
and anyway he would
only miss the fireworks as well...
Tired of watching six inches of snow outside your house? Wondering how you can survive winter, even though you live in a comfy house with central heating and the works? Are you a naturist?
If so, you'll love the Masterchev "Five Things You Need to Survive Winter"! As you may have guessed, there are five things you need to survive the cold breezy nights.
1) A partner of the opposite sex
Alwa...
As temperatures across Britain plummet to -10C this week, the Met Office warn of significant snowfalls.
Met Office stalwart Harry Nips says, "It's going to get so cold you're guaranteed to be able to grate cheese on your scrotum."
With the coun...
The Siberian Swans who have arrived at Gloucester, prompting fears that we are in for a long, dark winter are already fed up with English weather.
As we reported yesterday we spoke to one of the swans - Yuri - who told us he and his mates just wan...
Fears that the early arrival of eight Siberian Swans in Gloucestershire heralds the start of an arctic winter were rubbished today.
The migrating birds fly 2,500 miles from Russia every year and according to folklore, their early arrival in the UK...
...up the wall by MPs who are pissed off with not being able to pass their piss up payments on to the tax payer.
Emergency cold weather payments to the elderly could be cut from £25 to £8.50 under plans to replace members of parliaments partying p...