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Wiccan fury at Islamofascists' Isis slur

Funny story: Wiccan fury at Islamofascists' Isis slur

Los Angeles, California - The World Council of Wicca has issued a 20-kiloton hex against a ragbag of Islamofascist thugs who have highjacked the name of the Mother of Creation for their vile Iraqi insurgency antics. This morning's statement from W...

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Wiccans set for Vatican parity at the UN

Funny story: Wiccans set for Vatican parity at the UN

New York - Accredited observer status at the UN General Assembly has been awarded to the Organisation of International Wicca in a move granting parity with the Roamin Catlick church. Five permanent representatives will be sitting in the world's p...

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Vegan Wiccan US Army chaplain's joy as Pentagon relaxes religious beards ban

Funny story: Vegan Wiccan US Army chaplain's joy as Pentagon relaxes religious beards ban

Washington AC/DC - A meat eschewing pagan US Army chaplain is feeling mighty pleased today after the Pentagon finally backed down over a ban on religious beards in the military following 100 years of clean shaven tradition. "Praise be to Isis, mot...

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First visual of the Christmas Comet scheduled for pagan New Year's Eve

Funny story: First visual of the Christmas Comet scheduled for pagan New Year's Eve

San Ramon, California - Wiccans, eat yer hearts out: this year's Halloween celebrations should see the first glimpse of the astonishingly beautiful Comet Ison as it heads towards its debut transit of Planet Earth. Already dubbed the Christmas Com...

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Wiccan scorn as David Cameron boasts of baking bread made from 'smart' crop circle wheat flour

Funny story: Wiccan scorn as David Cameron boasts of baking bread made from 'smart' crop circle wheat flour

Los Angeles - A statement from the Supreme World Wiccan Council HQ has condemned UK leader David Cameron's suggestion that his home baked bread recipe has made him 'more intelligent'. The Brit Prime Minister has said he bakes his own daily loaves...

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Armageddinouttahere! Wiccans rubbish Mayan calendar prophecy exodus

Funny story: Armageddinouttahere! Wiccans rubbish Mayan calendar prophecy exodus

Stonehenge, Wilts - A British coven based near the prehysteric monument of Stonehenge has tipped off the press about the government's Doomsday plans for members of the Cabinet and the royal family. "They're all legging it to a nuke-proof 'austeri...

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Romney says Obama used Wiccans to cause Hurricane Sandy!

Funny story: Romney says Obama used Wiccans to cause Hurricane Sandy!

STUBENVILLE, Ohio (ABSNN) - Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney responded to the devastation left in the wake of Hurricane Sandy by passing out emergency relief supplies in this mid-sized Ohio city today. Romney praised 47% of the American...

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Wiccans warn Barack about Friday's Blue Fool Moon

Funny story: Wiccans warn Barack about Friday's Blue Fool Moon

New York - The Carnegie Hill chapter of Filthy Rich Pagans Anonymous is right up Barry's ass over Friday's lunation according to a new hex-messaging service launched today. A rare and stunning second August Full Moon lights up the heavens in that...

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Gingrich Attacked by Wiccans Seeking Eye of Newt

Funny story: Gingrich Attacked by Wiccans Seeking Eye of Newt

Late last night while taking his regular "constitutional" (Gingrich's preferred term for his nightly moonlight strolls through the woods, the moniker he feels best demonstrates his passionate commitment to the civil rights propagated by our Founding...

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Rotating Brownout Interrupts Wiccan Full Moon Esbat

Funny story: Rotating Brownout Interrupts Wiccan Full Moon Esbat

DESPICABLE, ME (Wiccan Broadcasting Network) -- The indoor full moon celebration of Isis Mighty Mother Coven last March 8 was interrupted by a scheduled rotating brownout. It was at 7:30 PM when the power shut off after the circle was cast, the gu...

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Wiccan joy as Pentagon builds $80,000 Stonehenge replica at USAF training academy

Funny story: Wiccan joy as Pentagon builds $80,000 Stonehenge replica at USAF training academy

Colorado Springs - "Silly excuse for naked revelry around a bonfire during the full moon!" is how one scornful US general put it as news of the Pentagon funding broke this week. However for the US military's motley crew of wiccans, pagans and asso...

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EU Trick Or Treaty? Pagan Feast Of Samhain Spells Death Of The Euro

Funny story: EU Trick Or Treaty? Pagan Feast Of Samhain Spells Death Of The Euro

London - Astrologers are confident next Monday's feast of Halloween will see the final collapse of the long-running KGB ponzi scam of the Euro. Some reckon a trillion dollar EU bailout attempt is horribly tainted by bad karma going all the way bac...

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Ancient Egyptian winged disc dazzles across the London skyline

Funny story: Ancient Egyptian winged disc dazzles across the London skyline

London - A silvery sliver of a cirrus cloud filament complete with feathery down-arching end curls blazed a trail at sunset tonight across the waxing Harvest Moon. The dazzling spectacle exactly mirrored the ancient Egyptian Book of the Dead's Win...

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Wiccan scorn as Pope JP II saint-making machine cranks up for Feast of Beltane

Funny story: Wiccan scorn as Pope JP II saint-making machine cranks up for Feast of Beltane

Rome - The Vatican has hijacked Sunday's pagan New Year's Day to beatify a monster exhumed in a public freakshow. United Grand Coven sources said today veneration of the six year-old corpse - and a 'sacred' vile (sic) of his blood - is typical of...

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One Nation Under Hex: Wiccans publish alternative history of the US Presidency

Funny story: One Nation Under Hex: Wiccans publish alternative history of the US Presidency

New York - It's been dubbed Michelle Obama's master grimoire of ovulation rites for dummies - 'something that ex-First Daughter Chelsea Clinton-Lewinsky-Mezvinsky could sorely use right now!' The first print run hit NYC bookstores this morning and...

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Wiccan fears Queen won't survive Walpurgisnacht revelry

Funny story: Wiccan fears Queen won't survive Walpurgisnacht revelry

London - (Portents): Her father's bejewelled swastika flag is already draped over a gold-plated coffin of black locustwood, hewn from Regensburg Castle's ariosophic forest. Tonight, the Windsor chapter of Hellfire Anonymous is on emergency standby...

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Kristen Stewart will be crowned May Queen at Walpurgis Night rave

Funny story: Kristen Stewart will be crowned May Queen at Walpurgis Night rave

London - (Maypole): The countdown to Saturday's Pagan New Year's Day sees the Twilight star invited to a Walpurgis Night rave high up on London's Hampstead Heath. Not to be outdone by Buffy the Vampire Slayer's Cordelia Chase being crowned May Que...

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Wiccans warn of Monday's winter solstice shocker

Funny story: Wiccans warn of Monday's winter solstice shocker

The Cosmos - (Armageddinouttahere!): Wiccas' harshest equivalent of a Federal Emergency Management Agency executive order was issued today. The astrology warning by the Global Sabbath Council says Monday's Yuletide solstice will will be a monster.

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