Lancashire, U.K. - In a story that can only be seen in light of that old adage, reversed, 'What comes a round, goes around,' a German expatriate living as a civil servant in Britain, Helmut Heins, has claimed to have fathered over 10,000 children thr...
QPR manager Neil Warnock has gone 'underground' to monitor his players off-the-field activities. "I have signed up on Twitter using an anagram and I am analysing their tweeted conversations without them knowing" revealed Colin Wanker.
Warnock has...
In a quick survey of British citizenry 65% admitted that they still fantasize about Henry Tudor while masturbating. Kate Middleton came in a distant second at 12% followed by the late George III, also known as "Mad" King George.
The survey reporte...
Magazine Ralph has controversially called food handling tough - but popular - Australian food critic at the top of its annual 100 "Wankers" list, Master Chef judge Matt Preston was ejaculated for being "pompous" - though you could add every curse kno...
Saint Croix, VI-- Kate Middleton has finally snagged herself a prince. The raven-haired beauty eloped last night with her longtime beau's baby brother. In the worst fraternal betrayal since Cain killed Abel, Prince Harry married Prince William's gi...
In her tireless quest for charitable works, human decency, and one eye on the publicity machine, Catherine Zeta Jones, wife of that old guy actor who was in 'The Streets Of San Francisco' on TV before starring in 'Romancing The Stone' on the silver s...
Very soon, Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom will be able to breathe a sigh of relief as the burden of monarchy is lifted from her ageing shoulders.
For there is to be a new Head of State in the person of Anthony (Tony) Blair, when he becom...
The noble art of masturbation is amongst a number of proposed events to be considered for inclusion by the 2012 Olympic games in Britain.
Wanking is believed to be the most popular pastime amongst males between the ages of 13 to 99 - with female p...
Professional masturbator Jack Orff suffered permanent eye damage today after a marathon wanking session.
The ugly computer programmer was going at it in the bedroom for over 6 hours straight in preparation for the World Wanking Championships, whic...
A 42 year old man from Dudley in the West Midlands died earlier today after having a wank whilst in the bath.
After his bath he popped down to his local newsagents and was instantly killed as he stepped out in the path of a lorry whilst attempting...
J.K.R. the creator of blockbusting fantasy wizard superstar; Harry Potter, is today desperately trying to stop the release of a blue movie starring Daniel Radcliffe.
Radcliffe plays the part of a Wizard who's party trick is, well...wanking.
But...
That's right people. A new study by the institute of Pointless Research has found that every time a person masturbates, they in fact, manage to kill a kitten.
The study took 70 people, male and female, randomly kidnapped from the street and had...
After waiting in the cold New York Winter for nearly three hours 16 year-old Kristin Myers finally was invited up to the prestigous TRL Studio.
"It was really cold that day and my friend Jenny and I were super-excited when they told us we could g...