Philadelphia, PA-- When little Eddie Spaghetti lost his front tooth on Monday, he didn't expect it to make the national news. The six-year old put his left incisor under his pillow last night for the Tooth Fairy. He woke up this morning to find tha...
New York, NY: New York City (NYC) Mayor Michael Bloomberg intends to restrict sugary soft drink sales to less than 16 ounce servings at city restaurants, movie theaters and stadiums.
NYC street vendors met with the mayor over concerns that the pro...
Washington DC -- A group of activists, academics and other concerned citizens is calling for the creation of a cabinet-level "Department of Common Sense" to improve the quality of decision-making in the nation's capital.
"America is in near crisis...
It's all over but the fears. Early this morning, Marriott employees began handing out souvenir "Sullivan & Cromwell," T-shirts to departing guests in honor of the powerful Wall Street law firm where Alan Dulles and his brother, John Foster Dull...
Washington DC - Federal officials today canceled the 2012 elections, declaring that American voters are not qualified to select the nation's political leaders.
"Everyone blames the gridlock in Washington on the politicians," said Norman Lagode...
New York City - The collective IQ of Wall Street executives has dropped below the mental retardation level for the first time ever, prompting the Federal Reserve to impose the "too dumb to fall" provisions of the Barney Frank Act.
Implementing a s...
Financial industry insiders from a shared mergers and acquisitions cubicles in the sub-let financial offices of the Katz Deli basement, today reported a General Electric leveraged buy out of family owned Phurken Industrial Plumbing Supply.
Private...
Washington, DC -- Say goodbye to the almighty dollar. In a unanimous decision, the Federal Reserve's Board of Governors has voted to abolish the use of money in the United States, effective immediately.
"The world's economic system is broken beyon...
New York -- The global economic crisis has finally caught up with Wall Street insiders who triggered it. They are discovering that their traditional year-end compensation is lowering the balance on their bank accounts, rather than raising it.
"The...
Washington DC - Failed hedge fund CEO Jon Corzine yesterday called on a House Subcommittee to arrest Henry F. Potter, a Bedford Falls banker and slumlord, for fraud and malfeasance in connection with the collapse of Corzine's MF Global Hedge Fund and...
A loud fart that occurred on the floor of the Estonian Parliament ignited panic and pandemonium on Wall Street, leading to a mass selloff of stocks by investors causing the Dow Jones Industrial Average to drop more than 1 million points, most of whic...
WASHINGTON DC - Recent college graduate Molly Katchpole who not only is broke like a joke but also an aspiring politician earned her ticket to the White House when she single-handedly pulled the nations second largest bank's hands out of her pockets...
New York - It's an Arab Spring on Wall Street, but protesters don't expect to see the NYPD galloping through Zuccotti Park on camels. Protesters call themselves the 99% and say the country is run by the 1%. The 1% gained control through the electi...
NEW YORK CITY, NY - Authorities said Daniel H. McQueen, age unknown, has been holed up in a Wall Street water closet for an indeterminate length of time. Mr. McQueen, who had been protesting abuses by Wall Street elites appears to be shifting his foc...
Trenton, New Jersey - Gov. Chris Christie, who turned down the chance to run for president of the United States earlier this week, has announced his candidacy for Ruler of Occupied Wall Street.
"Being president is not for me. You have to be certif...
Wall Street has been closed for business whilst crowds go on a tour of sites in the area. The call for people to join the tour gained an unexpected response after Police provided a kettle for the tourists.
'It used to be when America catches a col...
The protests that aren't happening in New York's famous financial district are still not happening, according to people who haven't seen it, mainly due to the fact that it isn't going on at all, which is also the main reason for it not being covered...
New York - A special police task force swooped down on Wall Street this morning to arrest hundreds of investment and high-finance executives accused of defrauding and possibly destroying the world's economic system.
But the cops were distracted by...