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Funny satire stories about Violence

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Funny story: Congress to ban curb-stomping black men while yelling "white power"

Congress to ban curb-stomping black men while yelling "white power"

Following a tireless debate last night, congress has begun work drafting a new bill that seeks to stop white men from kicking the back of a goddamn coon's head and shattering his teeth whilst proclaiming the sanctity of the white bloodline. The bi...
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Funny story: Obama, "If I Had A Large Brood Of Male Children By Multiple Teenage Women, They'd Look Like A Cross Between Erkel and Alfred E. Neuman"

Obama, "If I Had A Large Brood Of Male Children By Multiple Teenage Women, They'd Look Like A Cross Between Erkel and Alfred E. Neuman"

Washington DC - Speaking before a group of black television executives today, Obama addressed the growing crime wave in American cities, saying it was a legacy of "past racism". "Most of the kids killing other kids out there were told by white ki...
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Funny story: Dollar Store Clerk Shot In Dick

Dollar Store Clerk Shot In Dick

Los Angeles - South Central Los Angeles is no stranger to stray bullets. As many residents in the perennially crime blighted neighborhood can attest, it is the rare bullet that actually hits its intended victim. "Drive by's got a lot of attentio...
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Funny story: St. Patrick's Day Parade Gay Pride Participants Say Other Ethnic Groups "Can Go To Hell"

St. Patrick's Day Parade Gay Pride Participants Say Other Ethnic Groups "Can Go To Hell"

Chicago - Gay groups allowed to participate in Chicago's Saint Patrick's Day Parade held a press conference to celebrate the parade organizers "openness to homosexuality" but told reporters not to confuse "being gay' with "liking the English." "T...
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Funny story: Isla Vista shooter accumulates points toward l'enfant horrible trophy

Isla Vista shooter accumulates points toward l'enfant horrible trophy

This weekend's attack in Isla Vista is now being seen as akin to the Adam Lanza massacre in Newtown, Connecticut, which cost the lives of twenty children and six of their adult protectors. The Isla Vista murderer, Elliott Rodger, has a count of si...
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Funny story: Steubenville Prepares To Purge; Pull Up Drawbridges, Set Force Fields

Steubenville Prepares To Purge; Pull Up Drawbridges, Set Force Fields

SORRY 911 IS OUT OF SERVICE AGAIN, STEUBENVILLE, OHIO -- City council is discussing plans to initiate a monthly purge in which citywide crime of all sorts would be legal from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. the last day of each month. "Probably wouldn't notice...
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Funny story: 800 Convicted Babies and Toddlers Released from Prisons After D.N.A. Tests

800 Convicted Babies and Toddlers Released from Prisons After D.N.A. Tests

An estimated 800 convicted babies, some of them up to 19 months old have been granted pardons after DNA tests proved some of them were not even born at the time the alleged crimes were comitted. Investigations by the Internal Affairs Department i...
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Funny story: Pornography Or Violence: Which Is Bigger In U.S.?

Pornography Or Violence: Which Is Bigger In U.S.?

PBS NEWS KCET, LOS ANGELES Transcript of "Ray Asks" Moderator Ray Suarez: Today we begin a three-part series on pornography and violence in America. We are also interested in the question of which of them is most important to American life and also to the extent which they overlap. The connection between actual violence against anyone, rape, and watching violent videos and po...
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Funny story: New Sport Introduced At Sochi Olympic Games

New Sport Introduced At Sochi Olympic Games

A new sport has been introduced in today's Olympic games in Sochi. It is Mixed Martial Arts. MMA events will be fought in wire cages, as is the custom in the United States. The purpose of cage fighting is to punch, kick, and pound a man or woman...
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Funny story: U.S. Loses AAA Serial Killer Rating

U.S. Loses AAA Serial Killer Rating

The number of active serial killers in the U.S. has fallen so dramatically that the AAA status awarded by the Hannibal Institute has been downgraded this morning to AAB. Speaking this morning to our Crime Correspondent, the chairman of the Hanni...
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Funny story: Fatal Duel at Los Angeles McDonald's

Fatal Duel at Los Angeles McDonald's

Was it road rage or poor engineering that lead to the death of Emilio Rodriguez in the drive-thru of a Los Angeles McDonald's this morning? The local resident, who friends say frequented the world's most popular fast food restaurant, was shot and kil...
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Funny story: Shia LeBeouf Makes Cameo in 'Black Friday IV' Trailer

Shia LeBeouf Makes Cameo in 'Black Friday IV' Trailer

Shia LeBeouf plays a sexy, sharpshooting stranger in the new live-action trailer for "Black Friday IV," due out Nov. 7 for playstations and xboxes. The minute-long trailer, set in the post-Thanksgiving Day ruins of a large retail outlet, features...
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Funny story: Family Members Shocked After Child Shot in Gang Territory at 4am

Family Members Shocked After Child Shot in Gang Territory at 4am

CHICAGO - A Chicago family is mourning the loss of their son, who was stunningly killed when his mother let him play outside in their gang-dominated neighborhood at 4 in the morning Tuesday. Jemichael Stevens was shot and killed as he screamed at...
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Funny story: NRA: "Getting shot with bullets can be good for your health"

NRA: "Getting shot with bullets can be good for your health"

Yet another absolutely inane comment coming from an NRA leader has sparked outrage among the United States' citizenry. Today, NRA Deputy of Bullets Czar Randy "Bubba" Beaufordt issued a statement that stated getting hit by bullets "can actually be go...
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Funny story: Plan to Introduce Head Lice in Ohio Schools Has Many Scratching Their Heads

Plan to Introduce Head Lice in Ohio Schools Has Many Scratching Their Heads

The Ohio State Board of Education is set to vote on a new policy aimed at curbing violence in Ohio schools by introducing head lice to K-12 campuses statewide. The vote comes on the heels of a similar decision by the Montpelier Board of Education,...
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Funny story: Lindsay Lohan's Inaction Threatens U.S. Economy

Lindsay Lohan's Inaction Threatens U.S. Economy

For the last three days straight Lindsay Lohan did nothing bad. She didn't threaten her own freedom by lying, stealing or driving while under the influence. She was low key. Wall Street Investors and Las Vegas book makers were shocked and appalle...
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Funny story: Spike Lee protests 110 occurrences of N-word in film while most whites believe it's no big whoop

Spike Lee protests 110 occurrences of N-word in film while most whites believe it's no big whoop

HARFOLD, Vt. - Film producer Spike Lee has decided to boycott Quentin Tarantino's new film Django Unchained because the film uses the N-word 110 times. Students at Harfold State College, 99.9% of them white as snow, feel that 110 occurrences in a...
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Funny story: Rihanna and Chris Brown To Tie The Knot

Rihanna and Chris Brown To Tie The Knot

MANHATTAN - In a move that has to go down as one of the most unbelievable of the year, Rihanna has just announced that she and her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown will be getting married on January 1, 2013. Brown who used the Barbadian beauty as a punchi...
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Breaking News...

Westboro Ass-Tits

The infamous congregation mistakenly installed a large anus with a breast pump attached to it, instead of a fountain. Pastor has commented, "now God hates us!" 5 Members burned themselves alive.
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