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Funny story: "Mmmm, Tofurky!' Pleads Desperate Turkey in Final Week before Thanksgiving

"Mmmm, Tofurky!' Pleads Desperate Turkey in Final Week before Thanksgiving

Clearly feeling the heat as he approached his looming slaughter at the age of six weeks, a bloated five-week-old teenage turkey desperately attempted to talk up the appeal of "mock meats" like the widely popular soy-based Tofurky. "Mmmm, Tofurky!"...
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Funny story: New Zealand breastfeeding mum banned from vegan restaurant!

New Zealand breastfeeding mum banned from vegan restaurant!

Vegans on the warfare in New Zealand! A mum holding her hungry baby attempted to flop her boob out in a vegan restaurant and was told to put it away and "get out!" The mum, very upset of course, put away her boob and left the restaurant in disgust...
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Funny story: Health-Conscious Environmentalist Kills Two Birds with One Stone by Going Vegan

Health-Conscious Environmentalist Kills Two Birds with One Stone by Going Vegan

As someone interested in boosting his own health and the health of the planet, health-conscious environmentalist Luke Jameson decided to kill two birds with one stone by going vegan. Luke was first inspired to go vegan when he learned that animal...
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Funny story: Herbivore Assessment Program Makes Vegans Feel Like Shit

Herbivore Assessment Program Makes Vegans Feel Like Shit

Have you ever met one of those annoying, self-righteous vegans who obviously considers himself morally superior to all other humans on the planet? If so, you might be encouraged to learn that the recently established Herbivore Assessment & Rating Program (HARP) is working to take those self-important vegans down a notch - by assessing precisely how "vegan" they really are. In calculating a...
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Funny story: Oklahoma Supreme Court Extends Humane Slaughter Act to Human Death Row Inmates

Oklahoma Supreme Court Extends Humane Slaughter Act to Human Death Row Inmates

In a groundbreaking and highly controversial decision, the Oklahoma Supreme Court ruled to expand the applicability of the Humane Slaughter Act, designed to decrease the suffering of livestock during slaughter, to also encompass the human slaughter o...
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Funny story: Environmentalist's Compelling Message Overshadowed by Unfortunate Fashion Choice

Environmentalist's Compelling Message Overshadowed by Unfortunate Fashion Choice

During a panel discussion on climate change and environmental ethics at Columbia Law School, environmentalist Chuck Perry's compelling message of universal interconnectedness and the devastating effect of animal agriculture on the environment was unf...
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Funny story: New Vegan Condom Available!

New Vegan Condom Available!

A company in Roanoke, Virginia has announced that they have a new "Vegan" condom they call "The Banana Peel" that is the perfect answer for vegans who want to to go natural but don't feel comfortable about wearing a lambskin. "We think we have a b...
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Funny story: Bill Clinton Promotes Hitler-Style Vegetarianism at World Rodeo Convention

Bill Clinton Promotes Hitler-Style Vegetarianism at World Rodeo Convention

Many rodeo-goers expressed surprise, even shock, at the announcement that former United States president Bill Clinton would be the keynote speaker at the 2012 World Rodeo Convention in Houston, Texas. For one, media sources have in recent years repor...
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Funny story: Sausage Company Study Shows NO Negative Health Consequences for Vegans Who Double or Even Triple Sausage Intake

Sausage Company Study Shows NO Negative Health Consequences for Vegans Who Double or Even Triple Sausage Intake

Modern-day medical research demonstrates a clear and consistent link between meat consumption and virtually all Western diseases - cancer, heart disease and diabetes, to name just a few. Could sausage possibly be an exception? Sausage company H...
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Funny story: Unfit, Overweight Vegetarian and Vegan Inspire Millions of Americans to Go Veg

Unfit, Overweight Vegetarian and Vegan Inspire Millions of Americans to Go Veg

Ingrid Newkirk, President of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), and Kevin Lawson, President of the National Vegetarian Society, knew they needed a new approach to recruiting new vegetarians and vegans. "Americans weren't relating...
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Funny story: Starbucks Proves Extremely Helpful to Amnesia Victim

Starbucks Proves Extremely Helpful to Amnesia Victim

When Joseph Brittingham was attacked and beaten by armed robbers in his Upper West Side apartment late one Saturday night in November of 2008, he sustained multiple concussions so severe that it was questionable whether he'd even survive, let alone regain his previous mental and physical abilities. After over two years of intensive care and ongoing, excruciating physical rehabilitation, Joseph...
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Funny story: Evolution Takes GIANT Leap Forward: NY Cat Turns Vegan!

Evolution Takes GIANT Leap Forward: NY Cat Turns Vegan!

What if the law of the jungle were also the law of kindness, compassion, and love? Well, if East Village kitty Sammy Mesda has anything to do with it, one day it very well could be. Sammy, whose blackness, litheness, and sleekness can only call...
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Funny story: Newt Gingrich campaign promise: colonize the Moon with Mitt Romney supporters

Newt Gingrich campaign promise: colonize the Moon with Mitt Romney supporters

Newt Gingrich's latest campaign promise has NASA and Dems on tenterhooks: to colonize the Moon with Romney supporters, vegans and telemarketers. While the absence of unwanted masses in those categories might improve American life as we know it, the p...
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Funny story: Vampire Shuns Tradition to Become a Vegan

Vampire Shuns Tradition to Become a Vegan

Liquoreville, Montana Vampire, Jerry Done-Drinking has recently announced that he has forgone the traditional practice of drinking blood to become a vegan. Apparently, the town of Liquoreville, which residents have accumulated the most DWI's per c...
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Funny story: Vegans suggest how to feed the world

Vegans suggest how to feed the world

The Vegan Organisation against Meat (VOM) have suggested that if everyone in the world gave up meat, then there would be enough room on the planet to grow food for an extra 3 billion people. VOM whine that it takes 10 square metres of farmland to...
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Funny story: Jessica Simpson and Her Fiance's Wedding May Be Cancelled Due To The Wedding Cake

Jessica Simpson and Her Fiance's Wedding May Be Cancelled Due To The Wedding Cake

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - In a situation that can only be listed under the heading of "So you thought you had seen and heard it all," comes word that the Jessica Simpson-Eric Johnson wedding scheduled for November 11, may not be taking place after all due to...
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Funny story: Vegans in squalid Beefeater plot

Vegans in squalid Beefeater plot

London - An industrial tribunal heard today how seedy vegans attempted to oust the former Governor of the Tower of London from his prestigious Beefeater position. Major General Keith Cima described how 'enemies' in an anti-bullying investigation l...
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Funny story: Curdsville Wisconsin Part 1: Making them Vegans Happy

Curdsville Wisconsin Part 1: Making them Vegans Happy

Vegans and Cheese This week at the Curdsville Dairy Farm, we tried to pacify all those Vegan protesters we caught stomping around our Alfalfa fields last week, by agreeing to mix tofu curds in with some of our best Colby cheese. We figured we might open up a whole new cheese market maybe, for folks who want to claim they're Vegans, but who still wear leather shoes, and generously butter their...
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Despite Celebrating Crowds, Mugabe of Zimbabwe Won't Recognize Coup

The 93-year old thinks it's his birthday again and thanks all the demonstrators.
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