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BP CEO exiled to Siberia!

Funny story: BP CEO exiled to Siberia!

Tony Hayward BP / CEO has been officially exiled to Siberia by President Obama and Russian ex-President Putin is ecstatic to have the chance to wreak revenge on BP and their masterful leaks. After all the ex-CEO of BP's Russian operation did a mig...

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It's the Siberian salt mines for BP's Tony Hayward!

Funny story: It's the Siberian salt mines for BP's Tony Hayward!

Bloodyvostock - (Crudité News): The possibility of being reunited with failed Russian femme fatale Anna Chapman is almost a perk, of course. But for 'demonised' BP CEO Tony Hayward the chance to see out his notice period manning the company's Sibe...

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Tony Hayward Has His Life Back!

Funny story: Tony Hayward Has His Life Back!

For those who have been watching the personal drama of BP's CEO, Tony Hayward play out in the media, they will be happy to know that Mr. Hayward has gotten his wish. His life, which he claims was taken from him when the Gulf oil spill threatened to l...

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New Job for Tony Hayward

The future of Tony Hayward was given a fresh perspective with his departure from BP. But, what to do now to build on his impressive career? He is not likely to sit on his laurels counting the millions he will have in the Bank. Tony will be o...

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BP Tony Hayward 's $50 million 'austerity' pay-off

Funny story: BP Tony Hayward 's $50 million 'austerity' pay-off

London - (Crude News): It's a sign-if-the-times redundancy package that includes a £10.8 million pension pot accrued during Hayward's 28 years at BP. The supermajor CEO is stepping down this week following dismal performances in front of a Senate...

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BP Says Brit Out, Yank In

Funny story: BP Says Brit Out, Yank In

BP will officially announce Monday the replacement of CEO Tony Hayward with an American by the name of Bob Dudley. BP is making the switch to put a decidedly hometown face and voice to the oil disaster that threatens to bring the company to its knees...

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Tony Hayward Fired and Asked to Repay Spill Cleanup Costs

Funny story: Tony Hayward Fired and Asked to Repay Spill Cleanup Costs

Everyone expected Tony Hayward, embattled CEO of BP Oil to be fired eventually over his mishandling of the Gulf oil spill, but it was a big surprise when news came out that BP is holding Hayward personally responsible for the cost of the clean up.

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Tony Hayward Awarded Coveted Geologist of the Year Award

Funny story: Tony Hayward Awarded Coveted Geologist of the Year Award

BP CEO, Tony Hayward has just been announced the winner of the Arthur L. Day Medal given by the Geological Society of America for what they claim is his outstanding contribution to bringing geology to the forefront of America's hearts and minds throu...

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BP CEO Receives New Brain

Funny story: BP CEO Receives New Brain

Special to INS - BP's CEO, Tony Hayward, received a new brain on Friday after the original was found to be functioning at only 20 percent of typical brain capacity. The new brain came from a donor described by Hayward's doctors as a "twenty-something...

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OMG! Anna Kuschenko Chapman is BP CEO Tony Hayward's daughter??

Funny story: OMG! Anna Kuschenko Chapman is BP CEO Tony Hayward's daughter??

Washington AC/DC - (Reuterus): A massive damage limitation exercise is under way amid fears the flame haired Mata Hari has tested positive for paternity by the disaster-hit BP boss. Officially the stunning looking Russian spook was born in the Ukr...

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Hayward to McChrystal: "Jolly Good Show Old Chap"

Onlookers report that no one knew who the mystery guest was when the helicopter arrived at Tony Hayward's yacht off the coast of the Isle of Wight. Many looked on in disbelief as General Stanley McChrystal dressed in battle fatigues stepped off the c...

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BP Hires Circus Clowns to Replace Tony Hayward

Funny story: BP Hires Circus Clowns to Replace Tony Hayward

New Orleans, LA - BP has hired a dozen clowns to replace Tony Hayward as BP's official company spokespersons. Said the Chairman of BP in announcing this change, "We figure at least with clowns, they won't be held to any higher a standard of scrut...

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Nero's Fiddle To Hayward: "Hail Britannia"

As Tony Hayward vacationed off the Isle of Wight over the weekend, reports from the area state that a helicopter appeared over his yacht and dropped a package. When crewmembers opened it, they found a fiddle and a note from the Nero Society of Ro...

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J Clifford Baxter copycat suicide fears as Wall Street dubs Tony Hayward 'BP's Jeff Skilling''

Funny story: J Clifford Baxter copycat suicide fears as Wall Street dubs Tony Hayward 'BP's Jeff Skilling''

New York - (Off-the-Wall-Street): The January 2002 tragedy that saw beleaguered Enron Corpse executive J Clifford Baxter committ suicide in a Sugar Land, Texas parking lot is rearing its ugly head once again. Big Oil traders fear a sinister twist...

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Tony Haywood Kidnapped by Somali Pirates in Sailboat Race

Funny story: Tony Haywood Kidnapped by Somali Pirates in Sailboat Race

It was announced at a noon press conference that embattled CEO of BP has been kidnapped by Somali pirates. Tony Haywood, the CEO born with two left feet in his mouth, had escaped the "small" people of the sticky, icky Gulf of Mexico to enjoy a littl...

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Tony Hayward's Yacht Sunk by Davy Jones

Funny story: Tony Hayward's Yacht Sunk by Davy Jones

England - Tony Hayward's boat Bob was leading a yacht race on Saturday when several gigantic tentacles emerged and surrounded his vessel from underneath. The boat was crushed and disappeared from the surface. "It was just horrible," said Sir Elton...

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BP Chief Executive Tony Hayward suggests Koman Coulibaly for a Knighthood

Funny story: BP Chief Executive Tony Hayward suggests Koman Coulibaly for a Knighthood

The board of BP, the beleaguered ex-british petroleum company has suggested World Cup referee Koman Coulibaly as a potential Knighthood recipient. It followed Tony Hayward's grilling by the US House Energy and Commerce Committee, and came shortly af...

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BP's CEO, England's Coach, and Joran Van Der Sloot On The Run as NUNS!

Funny story: BP's CEO, England's Coach, and Joran Van Der Sloot On The Run as NUNS!

British Petroleum's CEO, Tony Hayward, knew he was fucked when he accidentally told the truth to a reporter that he wanted his life back. Then all those made-up "fixes" kept not working, now this one sort of works but all of the American southern co...

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Breaking news…

The Only Way to Get the Palestinians to the Table

Our Middle East correspondent M. Voltaire opines: If you want PLO/Hamas to come to the Peace Table, set out copious quantities of rancid cheese --it's the only enticing incentive for street rats.
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