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Funny satire stories about Theo Walcott

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Funny story: Theo Walcott 'wants hat to store his match-balls'

Theo Walcott 'wants hat to store his match-balls'

Theo Walcott and his agent are to meet with Arsenal officials this week to discuss a new contract, and rather than asking for more money, they will demand a brand new hat - for Walcott to place his match-balls in. Walcott scored three times - a ha...
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Funny story: Football Gossip & comments 25th August 2012

Football Gossip & comments 25th August 2012

AIK Stockholm fans took their "12th man" role to the extreme when they travelled to the hotel of their club's Europa League opponents, CSKA Moscow, and set off fireworks in the middle of the night. (Metro) The fans later apologised and blamed Stockholm Syndrome. Everton manager David Moyes has pulled off another coup by signing 17-year-old French wonderkid M'Baye Niang for £2m from Caen. (Th...
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Funny story: Football Gossip & comments 19th August 2012

Football Gossip & comments 19th August 2012

Vurnon Anita has completed his move from Ajax to Newcastle United on a five-year contract. (BBC Sport) I reckon she'd form a great partnership with Andy Carroll. A new book claims that Manchester City "accidentally" made an offer for Lionel Messi, swiftly rejected, on the night the club was taken over by Sheikh Mansour in 2008. (Sunday Mirror) Messi in Manchester? What a load of old kaka.
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Funny story: Football Gossip & comments 18th July 2012

Football Gossip & comments 18th July 2012

(Various) Dundee are chosen, ahead of Dunfermline Athletic, to replace the old Rangers in the Scottish Premier League. I think Dumfermline think they've been dun! (Daily Mail) Midfielder Oscar, 20, has arrived in London with the Brazil Olympic squad and will have a medical ahead of his £25m move from Internacional to Chelsea. All they need now is Luca Toni and Golden Globe for a team w...
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Funny story: Football Gossip & comments 7th July 2012

Football Gossip & comments 7th July 2012

The Sun Theo Walcott is also considering his future with Arsenal, as he enters the final year of his current deal. Judging by internet forums and radio phone-ins, 60,000 supporters are also considering their future. Daily Mail Tottenham are ready to listen to offers for Rafael van der Vaart, 29. A fee of £10m-plus is likely to be enough to capture the Dutch international attacking midfielde...
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Funny story: Man City Trailing £250m Lionel Messi & £75m Walcott

Man City Trailing £250m Lionel Messi & £75m Walcott

MANCHESTER: Hard evidence that Moneybags Manchester City are planning the final stage of their bid for world football domination surfaced just after midnight. A laptop computer, stolen from the open boot of a Rolls Royce limousine, was found to c...
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Funny story: Jamaica Name Theo Walcott For World Cup

Jamaica Name Theo Walcott For World Cup

Within minutes of being left out of Fabio Capello's England Squad for South Africa, nippy Arsenal winger Theo Walcott took Jamaican citizenship and was immediately selected for their team. "I needed something to do this summer, so I took the best...
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Funny story: Arsene Wenger apologises for fielding an English player

Arsene Wenger apologises for fielding an English player

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger, last night offered his sincerest apologies after inadvertently fielding an English player in the Champion's League match against Barcelona. The erroneous event happened in the second half when Wenger bought on substi...
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Funny story: Theo Walcott Banned!

Theo Walcott Banned!

Theo Walcott has been banned for life from playing football, even for his home town team, after he proved positive for actually being a whippet. The Arsenal player, who plays unders Terry Henry's old number, is in fact a rare form of whippet. This...
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Funny story: Walcott floored by Hamilton VoodooFone

Walcott floored by Hamilton VoodooFone

Arsenal's Theo Walcott was a victim of a vicious voodoo attack aimed at F1's Lewes Hamilton. After being carried off with what appeared to be a dislocated shoulder, the people responsible have admitted that they made a fatal error by using the wr...
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Funny story: Theo Walcott Shares Go Through The Roof!

Theo Walcott Shares Go Through The Roof!

Theo Walcott, Arsenal's three-goal England teenage matchwinner in Croatia on Wednesday night, has ignited the national team's charge towards World Cup qualification, and done his own personal value no harm either, as shares in him on the Stock Market...
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Funny story: Theo Walcott: The Fast and The Frightened

Theo Walcott: The Fast and The Frightened

Arsenal forward, Theo Walcott, is one of the world's fastest players, as well as petrified of balls, revealed manager, Arsene Wenger, during a press conference given after The Gunners' latest match against Fulham.
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