Gardeners up and down the country are on high alert due to the annual predation of daffodils by scroats planning to 'delight' their mothers.
Supermarkets yesterday reported selling out of Red Bull, torch batteries and high-power water pistols (nor...
Every day, one hundred thousand tonnes of metal are stolen across the UK. This is mainly copper, although there is a significant amount of iron also.
All of this metal needs to be replaced, as most of it can be quite vital to railway lines, the st...
Police say a lone suspect escaped with dozens of "Next Window Please" placards during a tense bank robbery yesterday. "He rushed in when the bank was filled with customers," said First Insolvent Bank manager Libra-Fawn DeMedved. "He grabbed a stapl...
Three men have been arrested after several shops in Gateshead city centre were burgled in midnight raids.
Thieves broke into Mendelson's Music Shop and made off with the lute. They also broke into the till, and took all the notes.
Nearby, a pos...
SILVER CITY, New Mexico (ABSNN) - Oddly enough, given the large number of guns and ammunition stores found in a gun shop, very few people have ever been shot in one, unless, of course, "they had it coming." Such was the case in this tiny New Mexico...
DALLAS, TEXAS (ABSNN) - The masked, knife wielding robber who stole $500 in cash and a $150 penis pump from a Dallas adult video store today was apprehended only four hours later at Parkland Memorial Hospital according to the DPD.
"We got a ph...
Kenneth Dunston has been left distraught following the theft of his scab collection.
Dunstan, 52 from Ryde on the Isle of Wight, discovered the theft on Sunday morning when he returned from the Ryde twenty-four hour bowls marathon.
"It's terri...
Police in the once sleepy village of Little Divot are investigating an outrageously bold piece of thieving.
At 9am this morning it was discovered that the local council offices, which also houses the mayors chambers, had disappeared.
Mayor of L...
A ginger-haired man in a high-visibility jacket was spotted yesterday in broad daylight trying to steal the Crown Jewels from Buckingham Palace.
He was heard shouting into a megaphone with threats of "Give us the jewels or I'll call the police!"...
The Police have stepped in to insist that all get away drivers are tested under new Bank Robbery rules.
Chief Constable Pinhead declared that getaway drivers are giving the British Motorist a bad name, often parking on double yellows outside the B...
Residents of London suburb, Dorking, awoke this morning to discover that thieves had stolen every last scrap of metal from the town.
"They came in during the night," said police inspector, Devon Cumbria. "They've taken street lamps, park benches,...
American rapper LL Cool J and ex-footballer Duncan Ferguson are to spearhead a new neighbourhood watch initiative, it has been announced.
The move, encouraging residents to batter the shite out of intruders, comes days after LL Cool J reportedly...
The Pride of the Apple iPhone 4, Siri, has been caught cloning identities and stealing credit card data. The artificially intelligent assistant on the phone has been using Bluetooth to connect to nearby unencrypted phones and extract any credit card...
An 18 year old Miami Florida teenager, Donny Disaster, was given an 'A' on the homework he left at the scene of a burglary. The homework was left on a desk that had been ransacked and alleviated of a box of cherry pop tarts. Apparently, Donny Disas...
The Conservative-Liberal Coalition has decided to reinstate slavery into the UK but with stringent strings attached.
"Basically, we're not going to have a return to the good old days," said David Cameron, who will be putting Michael Portillo in ch...
Two notorious scrap metal thieves have finally made it into this year's U.K. Rich List.
With a combined wealth of nearly £13 billion, Fred Copper and Albert Steel are already half-way up the Top 100 List, and aim to reach the top next year.
"We...
Mr Gongle stood at the window of his bungalow and raised the telescope to his eye.
"Fuck me Maude!" He cried, "Some bastards nicked the Solent!"
"What you going on about Eric" Said his wife, as she placed the breakfast tray on the table.
"The fuckin Solent has been stolen some bastard has had it away with the whole lot!"
"Whatever gives you that idea Eric, you been drinking the Cuban b...
Black white guy, Jerry DeBungle, is suing the Miami, Florida police department for arresting him while trying to rob an East Miami, Crooked Bank. The 35 year old Mr. DeBungle claims the only reason he was arrested is because he was wearing a hoodie...