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Funny satire stories about Ted Cruz

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Funny story: Ted Cruz Hopes Early Campaign Entry Will Divert Voters' Attention from More Important Issues, like Legitimate Candidates and Serious Domestic Problems

Ted Cruz Hopes Early Campaign Entry Will Divert Voters' Attention from More Important Issues, like Legitimate Candidates and Serious Domestic Problems

Rafael Edward Cruz, a first-term Senator from Texas, dispensing with any exploratory phase for his Presidential aspirations, delivered a formal speech during the weekly convocation at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia yesterday. The Bapti...
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Funny story: Candidate Cruz Says that Tax System Should Be "Voluntary"

Candidate Cruz Says that Tax System Should Be "Voluntary"

Special to TPN - Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) followed up his announcement that he was running for President in 2016 with this statement given to Matt Lauer of the Today Show: "I believe the IRS should be eliminated and taxes made voluntary. It wor...
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Funny story: Ted Cruz Addresses the "Two Americas"

Ted Cruz Addresses the "Two Americas"

HOUSTON, TX--Aspiring presidential candidate and Tea Party darling Ted Cruz has taken a page from left-leaning populist and one-time presidential candidate John Edwards, to draw attention to what he is calling the "two Americas," comprising, in his v...
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Funny story: Chris Christie refuses to shower in GOP locker room

Chris Christie refuses to shower in GOP locker room

DES MOINES, IA - It was reported today that New Jersey Governor Chris Christie refused to shower with other GOP hopefuls after the 2015 Freedom Summit hosted by Iowa Congressman Steve King. At the annual event several potential presidential candid...
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Funny story: Dr. Billingsgate Has Elephant Trunk Grafted To His Nose To Prove He's Republican

Dr. Billingsgate Has Elephant Trunk Grafted To His Nose To Prove He's Republican

BILLINGSGATE POST: Dr. Billingsgate, citing the dearth of leadership in the Republican Party, revealed that he recently had a baby elephant trunk grafted to his own snout to prove that he was a true Republican. Knowing that this might infuriate som...
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Funny story: Cruz Hopes to Bring Will Robinson, Jupiter 2 Crew Home

Cruz Hopes to Bring Will Robinson, Jupiter 2 Crew Home

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As his first act as chair of the Senate subcommittee on Space, Science and Competitiveness, Texas Senator Ted Cruz has pledged to focus all of NASA's resources on bringing Will Robinson and the crew of the Jupiter 2 back home to E...
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Funny story: Ted Cruz Announces: 'Jesus Charlie is me!'--Opposes 'Obamacare for Education'

Ted Cruz Announces: 'Jesus Charlie is me!'--Opposes 'Obamacare for Education'

Washington--Republican firebrand Ted Cruz said today that "like those guys on TV," he too was "Jesus Charlie." He went on to denounce President Obama's recent proposal giving workers two free years of community college as "Obamacare for education."...
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Funny story: Ted Cruz Will Sponsor Space Program to reach God

Ted Cruz Will Sponsor Space Program to reach God

Texas Senator Ted Cruz was appointed the chair of the Senate subcommittee on Space, Science and Competitiveness last week - which means he will be in charge of overseeing space agency NASA in Congress. He announced; "As the new head of The Commit...
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Funny story: Ted Cruz the Showman (sung to the melody of "Frosty the Snowman")

Ted Cruz the Showman (sung to the melody of "Frosty the Snowman")

Ted Cruz the Showman was a sleazy scrappy soul, With McCarthy looks and a button nose And two eyes made out of coal. Ted Cruz the Showman is a sordid tale, they say, He was full of blow but Teabillies know How he came to life one day. There must have been some money To propel him to the top. For when they made him Senator He became a Tea Party prop. O, Ted Cruz the Showman was...
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Funny story: Political Tourette's Syndrome Disorder

Political Tourette's Syndrome Disorder

Clinical psychologists, looking into increasingly widespread dysfunction in the United States Congress, are suggesting an addendum to the DSM (Diagnostics and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) to describe what they are calling Political Tourette's Syndrome Disorder. As an example, they cite Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Cal.) who, in response to a report of moderate job increases in the previous q...
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Funny story: What's With All of These GOP Tattoos?

What's With All of These GOP Tattoos?

ATLANTA - CNN is reporting that several political news magazines are spotlighting an interesting situation which involves several Republican politicians. CNN stated that American Spotlight Magazine remarked that an inside source has revealed that...
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Funny story: Gov. Christie to Compete in NYC Marathon

Gov. Christie to Compete in NYC Marathon

Special to TPN - Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey will be competing in the New York City Marathon to be held on November 2, 2014. Contrary to rumor, all lanes will be open on the Verrazano Bridge section of the course, but the center lane will b...
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Funny story: Ted Cruz, Wealthy Oppose Min. Wage Hike

Ted Cruz, Wealthy Oppose Min. Wage Hike

The current federal minimum wage in the U.S. is $7.25 an hour, full time pay less than $15,000 a year, way below the poverty level. Current proposals before congress would raise the floor to $10.10 an hour. This would leave a full-time employee still far below the poverty line but would be helpful. There is now widespread public support to raise the minimum wage. That is largely attribute...
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Funny story: Tea Party Advocates Destruction of All of America (Except its Golf Courses)

Tea Party Advocates Destruction of All of America (Except its Golf Courses)

Dateline: WASHINGTON-Senator and reputed Tea Party leader Ted Cruz introduced a resolution to the Senate yesterday, calling for the immolation of all of the United States apart from its golf courses. Speaking in favour of the motion on the congre...
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Funny story: Sarah Palin Eaten by Pro-choice Mama Grizzly While Hunting Caribou

Sarah Palin Eaten by Pro-choice Mama Grizzly While Hunting Caribou

SOMEWHERE IN ALASKA-Sarah Palin, the one-time ex-governor of Alaska and John McCain's running mate in his 2008 presidential bid, was eaten by a grizzly bear Wednesday while hunting caribou with her hunting buddy Ted Cruz. Palin, who was about...
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Funny story: Jabberwacky

Jabberwacky

Inspired by Lewis Carroll 'Twas brillig, and the Karl Rove Did tremble and tire in his soul; All flimsy were the borogoves, And the GOP outpolled. "Beware the Tea Party, my son The jaws that bite, the mouth that spits! Beware the Ted Cruz bird, and shun That frumious piece of shit!" Rove took his vorpal sword in hand; Long time the loudmouthed foe he sought-- S...
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Funny story: NFL officials to referee Congress

NFL officials to referee Congress

Washington DC - The National Football League has volunteered its squad of on-field officials to "referee" Congress. In announcing the arrangement, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell noted that his army of referees, field judges, umpires, linesmen, an...
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Funny story: The Two Teds to Tour Together

The Two Teds to Tour Together

In spite of the spanking the Tea Party received from Barack Obama after its failed government shutdown recently, Ted Cruz and Ted Nugent are unapologetic and are going to tour together to promote the stranglehold the Tea Party, they hope, still has o...
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Breaking News...

Original Whitney Houston Lyrics Found

Who knew? Whitney's 1985 Smash Hit, 'Saving All My Love For You,' was originally penned for a porno flick. The original lyrics appear to have been, 'Shaving All My Muff For You.'
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