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Funny satire stories about Tan

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Look like Jordan burnt to a crisp under a sunbed, is it really worth it?

Funny story: Look like Jordan burnt to a crisp under a sunbed, is it really worth it?

CIA HQ under a tanning bed in a wellness hotel somewhere in a posh part of London has just sent this life threatening report! Jaggedone's CIA star lifestyle reporter, Shaggy Daddy-Brownlegs, has crawled out of the gutter into a very posh wellness hotel and brown, white Caucasian x-treme tanner, Laura May McMullan, told him, whilst lying under the sun yet again, the following story. Well it a...

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Florida beach "the best," Beachcombers agree

Funny story: Florida beach "the best," Beachcombers agree

It's not the location. Or the beautiful white sands. Or the ice-blue water. Or the spectacular, pristine scenery. It's not even the hospitable locals. Siesta Beach near Sarasota, Florida, has been named The Best Beach in America by Beachcombers, a...

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Spring unapologetic for striking over temperature cuts

Funny story: Spring unapologetic for striking over temperature cuts

Spring has refused to apologise for going on strike in Britain this year, instead citing immigrants, an unfortunate bout of Hepatitis B and government temperature cuts as a valid excuse for no longer giving a fuck whether elderly couples can drink Pi...

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Heidi Montag To Star As Patricia Krentcil In The Horror Movie "The Attack of The Tanorexic Woman"

Funny story: Heidi Montag To Star As Patricia Krentcil In The Horror Movie "The Attack of The Tanorexic Woman"

HOLLYWOOD - Cinema Castle Pictures will soon begin production on the Sheboygan Saddlewood film based on the New Jersey "Tanning Woman" Patricia Krentcil. Saddlewood noted that Heidi Montag has been signed to portray Krentcil who is considered to b...

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Charles Barkley Reportedly Admits He'd Like To Go Out With Patricia Krentcil, Alias "Tanorexic Woman"

Funny story: Charles Barkley Reportedly Admits He'd Like To Go Out With Patricia Krentcil, Alias "Tanorexic Woman"

NEW YORK CITY - TNT sports announcer Charles Barkley, who is known as "The Round Mound of Rebound," was spotted at New York's The Plastered Platypus Lounge. Sir Charles, as he prefers to be called, was sitting with an unidentified male friend who...

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Whales Suffer From Sunburn - And They Need Shades

Funny story: Whales Suffer From Sunburn - And They Need Shades

Sunglasses manufacturers are urgently seeking talks with a team of scientists working on the effects sun on whales. The Sun's rays can "burn" whales' skin, just like they can damage human skin, according to the researchers. The scientists stud...

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Charlie Crist Loses His Tan

Funny story: Charlie Crist Loses His Tan

Voters are beside themselves, political pundits are at a loss for words and bronzed beach goers everywhere are expressing great concern over Florida Governor Charlie Crist reportedly new pale complexion. Crist known for his perpetual deep tan and...

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Wan Van Man, Dan, An' Tan Man, Stan, Can Ban Gran's Fan Plan

Funny story: Wan Van Man, Dan, An' Tan Man, Stan, Can Ban Gran's Fan Plan

89 year-old grandmother of 13 Edna Hiscox has hit a problem with her planning application to erect a wind turbine in her garden in Duke Street, Peckham. Two local businessmen, Daniel Lovatt and Stanley Stitt, obtained a court injunction on Tuesday...

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Fears grow in fake tanning industry over BA strike action

Funny story: Fears grow in fake tanning industry over BA strike action

A spokesperson for the Organisation of Red And Nasty Ginger Epidermis or O.R.A.N.G.E for short voiced its member's fears today over pending BA strike action. Miss Dee Velopes-Overnight said, "BA cabin crew are our bread and butter money, if BA go...

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Local Woman Talks of the Perils of Sun Beds

Funny story: Local Woman Talks of the Perils of Sun Beds

Local woman Tania Foxx, 24 Windchester Road, has spoken publicly for the first time about her disastrous experiences involving sun beds. The former 'least likely to achieve' nominee in her school yearbook, took to visiting tanning salons in order...

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John Schnatter's Face Made Into Fine Leather Handbag

Funny story: John Schnatter's Face Made Into Fine Leather Handbag

ANCHORAGE, KY - Better Ingredients, Better Pizza... and now, it would seem Poppa's also Got a Brand New Bag. After years of intense artificial and natural tanning, John Schnatter, Poppa Johnny's Pizza founder and pitchman, decided to ditch his dam...

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Spray-on Tan Now Available For Pets

Funny story: Spray-on Tan Now Available For Pets

(Beigetown, Texas) Planning to take little Rover to Florida, but worried that the UV might damage her coat? Fret not, because the good folks from Mist-ova ™ Tan have just come up with a solution. Within the next few months the company will be s...

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Man Toasted At Tanning Salon

Funny story: Man Toasted At Tanning Salon

A Health and Safety Executive investigation has been launched today after a 48-year-old man suffered burns over 99% of his body when he used a machine at an unstaffed tanning salon in Dudley. The man, Shadrach Umbongo, went along to the Black &...

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Peter Andre's spray on tan

Funny story: Peter Andre's spray on tan

Aussie pop star Peter Andre has launched his own brand of spray on tan. Andre, a close follower of the career of Wham's Andrew Ridgeley said: 'The world needs more ranges of spray on tans. I know that it is not the same as a proper tan, you know,...

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Palin Invites McCain to Her Bed...Tanning, that is!

Funny story: Palin Invites McCain to Her Bed...Tanning, that is!

Ambitious Alaskan Bronze Beauty runner up Sarah Palin had a used tanning bed installed in the Alaskan Governor's trailer just days after the inauguration. A variety of rationales were provided at the time, like "Alaska is friggin' frigid" to my Hotti...

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Benitez claims he is tanned

Funny story: Benitez claims he is tanned

In what seems to be another bizarre attempt in seeming "normal", Rafael Benitez, the fat manager of Liverpool FC, has claimed that he has a tan. The incredibly white and bald manager, in what is seen by critics to be an attempt to seem "normal",...

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Housewife Barbequed Alive in Faulty Sunbed

Funny story: Housewife Barbequed Alive in Faulty Sunbed

A tanning parlour owner was sentenced to six week's community service today after a woman was cooked alive while using a defective sunbed. Kostas Gormlessky, an Albanian asylum-seeker, currently residing in Stoke-on-Trent, was convicted at Staffor...

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Tanorexic Teenagers Risking Unborn Babies

Funny story: Tanorexic Teenagers Risking Unborn Babies

Bright orange teenage slappers all over Great Britain are risking the lives of their unborn children by glueing themselves to tanning beds all over the U.K.

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Breaking news…

Trump Jr. Says That He Always Wanted to Be Separated From His Parents

That's why he can't understand the consternation at the border with kids being taken from parents.
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