WASHINGTON, D.C. - After embarrassing millions of airport travelers, the Transportation Security Administration has announced that within five months all airport full-body scanners will be unplugged and removed from all of the nation's airports.
T...
Hollywood, California - The script for the first show of a new T.V. series to be hosted by hoity-toity Piers Morgan has been leaked to the Press. The new show is to be called America's Got Guns and features exciting audience interaction.
The scri...
A Miami, Florida man smashed his car into an Einstein Brothers food stand on the second floor concourse of the Miami International Airport while parallel parking between a set of stationary tables. Fortunately there were no casualties except for the...
TSA Headquarters, Washington, DC - The recent transit of Venus will go into the record books with an asterisk, according to the Transit Space Authority.
"She jumped the turnstile without putting in a token", complained TSA spokesman Buckler Q. Cro...
88 year old former US Secretary of State, Henry Kissinger, got a taste of his first TSA pat down. This occurred while going to Toronto to try to negotiate a ceasefire between the Miami Heat's shooting guard Dwayne Wade and his coach Erik Spoelstra.
Washington (SAPP) - To stop a mounting surge of complaints against the Transportation Security Agency (TSA), Congressman Westley Guilder (R-Texas) has introduced House Bill 1202 that would change the way TSA screeners handle passengers entering into...
TSA and Homeland Security have announced new pre-boarding screening procedures that they say will ease the flow of passengers though all US airports. The new system will come into effect on 1 June.
In a memo leaked yesterday the new procedures in...
SHREVEPORT, Louisiana - GOP presidential candidate Ron Paul was speaking to a crowd that had gathered at Shreveport's General Stonewall Jackson High School.
He told the crowd estimated by Jo Jo Spamaficki, owner of Spamaficki's Hardware Store, to...
Washington DC: A new Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) study apologizes for the federal government's junk science blaming Carbon Dioxide (CO2) for causing climate change. The real culprit is stinky feet.
The EPA was examining regulating the o...
The astonishing decision by 'Big Sis' to put passengers lives at increased risk from elderly terrorists by relaxing security procedures for the over 75's at US airports has brought a warning from Britain's Prime Minister David Cameron, currently in A...
Washington, DC - We all know not to joke while in line to board airplanes these days, but a new plan to ban joking everywhere is rapidly taking shape, according to our source C. Fowlercross, our mole in the TSA. (That is not his real name).
Accor...
Emmaus, PA, - As previously reported, yesterday the TSA responded to a terror incident at the 6th street elementary school in Emmaus. What appeared to be a simple terror incident is now clouded with possible teacher corruption. It has been reported...
Emmaus, PA - A bevy of emergency vehicles, on the triangle at 11 A.M today, are responding to a terror incident at the 6th Street Elementary School in Emmaus. Kindergarten students, ranging in ages from five to seven (repeaters) are lined up against...
President Obama was informed yesterday about definite threats to the homeland from terrorists posing as TSA, DHS or other government officials. There was also specific intelligence about a female terrorist, a lookalike of DHS Secretary Janet Napolita...
Baghdad -- The United States military today is celebrating a major win in Iraq. American troops are heading home after setting the world record for the longest and most expensive stop and frisk in the history of law enforcement.
"It seems like onl...
In the wake of the news that airports across the country will now be using machines that take nude photographs of passengers, x rays of a person's insides, and body cavity searches that are video taped, it has now been discovered that the administrat...
A Slavic newspaper reported an incident of a TSA worker who left a personal note in a woman's luggage.
The TSA worker, who is a lesbian, left a note in Jill Filipovic's luggage with the words, "Get Your Freak On Girl."
To understand the mean...
BILLINGSGATE JOURNAL: Women tired of panting TSA agents groping their private parts have taken to having their boobs de-augmented in an effort to regain control of their bodies.
In the past decade it has been estimated that more than 20 million w...