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No Shit News: Donald Trump And Syria

Funny story: No Shit News: Donald Trump And Syria

Hello, everyone, this is No Shit News letting you know what's REALLY happening around the world today. That's NSN for the Truth! Here's Jay Labier. "Sup everyone? Er, I wanna tell ya 'bout what's goin on over there in Syria. On Saturday, the combi...

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Opinion: Trump V Syria

US windbag and all round walking political piss take, Donald Trump, has defended his “mission accomplished” tweet after it was ridiculed by actual media outlets. The same outlets Donald keeps claiming are fake. It always seems odd to us that a man with no political qualifications sits in a political job and calls qualified individuals “fake”. Anyway we digress.... Of course Donald authorised ai...

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Editorial: May Attacks Syria

So after PM May decided “fuck it” and bombed the shit out of another country on tenuous evidence (where have we heard this before) she now fears a public backlash. The main shame is that she won’t be receiving said “back lashes” across her back with a glass encrusted whip. The carrion eyed cunt completely misjudged the public appetite for more wanton slaughter from above and now fear repercussi...

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President Trump Believed U.S. Was Launching Senator Ted Cruz Into Syria

Funny story: President Trump Believed U.S. Was Launching Senator Ted Cruz Into Syria

Washington, D.C. - According to leaked information from an anonymous source inside the White House, President Donald Trump approved yesterday's Tomahawk cruise missile strike against a Syrian airfield because Trump thought the U.S. would be launching...

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Rudolph Refusing To Go Anywhere Near Aleppo

Funny story: Rudolph Refusing To Go Anywhere Near Aleppo

North Pole, Arctic - Rudolph is not apologizing for his recent weekend Twitter rampage, stating that he will not be forced to drop presents off in Aleppo, Syria. Sighting claims that it is far too dangerous to go anywhere near the bombed-out city...

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Trump To Command Military Expedition Against ISIS

Funny story: Trump To Command Military Expedition Against ISIS

In November 2015 Donald Trump said, "I know more about ISIS than the generals do. Believe me." In that same year Mr. Trump stated, "I always felt that I was in the military" because of his education at a military-themed boarding school. He said his...

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Pepe Warezabar interviews Rabead al Sham Sham at Hotel Jarabulus

Funny story: Pepe Warezabar interviews Rabead al Sham Sham at Hotel Jarabulus

Back, yes, Pepe Warezabar here, and I'm back. What do they call it--a sequester? Studying my navel and sacred texts and other matters? Now I'm bartender at Hotel Jarabulus just below the border with Turkey. It's been two years since Kobani and my last work in Erdogan's tent (for which I received The Guard Dog's undercover-story-of-the-week award, by the way). At this very moment I'm at th...

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The Viral Broadcast That's Changing the World.

Funny story: The Viral Broadcast That's Changing the World.

Young Francis Muldoon was a strange little boy. He lived in a village in County Tipperary Ireland called Ballytohellnback. His father was a turnip farmer who also reared sheep and his mother worked as a maid at the local parish church of St. Patrick...

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Corbyn's Plans To Turn Downing Street into Refugee Camp

Funny story: Corbyn's Plans To Turn Downing Street into Refugee Camp

Jeremy Corbyn has today vowed that he would turn Downing Street into a refugee centre. Speaking from one of the spare bedrooms in his North London detached house, Corbyn said this: "We need to show compassion. We need to show the world we are pre...

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Obama's "don't do stupid stuff" policy upgraded for honorable exceptions

Funny story: Obama's "don't do stupid stuff" policy upgraded for honorable exceptions

Mr. Obama's hallmark "don't-do-stupid-stuff" policy from a few years back is currently being upgraded to "unless-it-involves-Syria." Yesterday the US dropped 50 tons of ammunition near Raqqa to a Syria-Arab brigade fighting ISIS/IS, the leader of...

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Extremist Pinko Professor Vilifies Humanitarian Heroes

Some recent comments about humanitarian heroism have failed to satisfy the ever-impossible-to-please satire news fixture, Pre-Senior-Professor-Guru-Emeritus Angus Lenn(on/in)vedanta Smiggles from the Social Constructionist String Theory Department in Bushmills Metaphysical College. Notable public figure and moderate political Tory-ist William Hague moans: It is just so very, very unfair, how...

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Hezbollah Fury at Assad's "Secular Inclinations" Revelation

Hezbollah has been assisting President Assad of Syria in fighting many of his enemies, not least the self-styled "Caliph" Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. However, Hezbollah has recently decided to pull their forces out of Syria, on account of a shameless revelation the Syrian leader made on a Qatarese television show. In front of millions of viewers, Assad wept: I've had something on my mind a l...

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ISIS Claims to Have Dozens of Potty-Trained Terrorist In US

Funny story: ISIS Claims to Have Dozens of Potty-Trained Terrorist In US

ISIS has announced that there are dozens of potty trained terrorists living secret lives within the United States, waiting for word from above to strike terror into the hearts of diaper company executives everywhere. The revelation comes on the h...

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President Assad Maliciously Smears Tony Blair

The infallible Fox/MSNBC broadcasting-apologetical complex has proved beyond all reasonable and even all rhetorical doubt, that President Assad is "an evil mass-murdering tyrant who is killing his own people." But even if you had the immaculate cruelty and unbearable arrogance to doubt this, you'd maybe better read what he has to say about Our Tony. Read and denounce: Well, well, well...

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Emmerdale Versus ISIS: Only One Singer can Save Syria

The last remnants of the allegedly "modern" and "progressive" faction of the Conspicuously Downtrodden Freedom Fighters in Syria™ have come up with a novel plan to prevent their allies in al-Qaeda and other far-left collectivist organisations f...

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ISIS to produce "Glee" inspired web series

Funny story: ISIS to produce "Glee" inspired web series

Mosul, Iraq-New video released by the Islamic State today details the next step in ISIS' battle for the hearts and minds of idiots throughout the middle east. Known for their slickly produced videos and their command and use of social media to ex...

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ISIS expands oil business to include gas stations with cafes plus religious services at the barbecue out back

Funny story: ISIS expands oil business to include gas stations with cafes plus religious services at the barbecue out back

Current reports indicate ISIS is not only looking for managers for its oil refineries, with a $225,000 annual salary, but also establishing a chain of gas stations across the middle east. The name CALron is being considered, inspired by Chevron,...

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At the Kobani border with Erdogan and Clarence Willnotlie standing by

Funny story: At the Kobani border with Erdogan and Clarence Willnotlie standing by

So! Back then I went out the comfort room window of that club in Mosul, moving on, as we like to say, and I thank all of you who tweeted me at that time on what to do! Of course I ended up where the action is across from Kobani, then was snatched by the Turks into Erdogan's tent. Yes, in case you're still wondering, this is Pepe Warezabar aka "Clarence Willnotlie." I know, I know. I have...

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Name Calling Trump

One thing about Trump, no one will ever call him simpatico!
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