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Funny satire stories about Supermarkets

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UK supermarket shoppers are sick of being called "Darling" and prefer "Bitch!"

Funny story: UK supermarket shoppers are sick of being called "Darling" and prefer "Bitch!"

A leading UK supermarket has ordered its cash till operators to stop calling punters, darling, sweetheart, luv, or anything else that makes modern day shopper's blood cringe! Back in the old days of the "Old Corner Shop" these expressions were acc...

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Dog crap in UK supermarket trolleys is unhygienic claims mum!

Funny story: Dog crap in UK supermarket trolleys is unhygienic claims mum!

Children dumped in supermarket trolleys for free fun-rides through colourful, tasty looking gangways are to be banned because of doggy poop! A very hygienic mum, wearing rubber gloves, observed kiddies, even up to the grand old age of 9, being pus...

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Well known UK supermarket chain invite rats to shop till they drop!

Funny story: Well known UK supermarket chain invite rats to shop till they drop!

One of UK's largest supermarkets have decided to open their doors to a horde of rats! Instead of attempting to poison them, the supermarket feels rats are a perfect way of ridding the place of discarded food thrown away because the date of purchase h...

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200 corpses found buried under Paris supermarket

Funny story: 200 corpses found buried under Paris supermarket

Paris, France - "At first we thought they'd died of la peste (the plague)," Inspector Clouseau said today as a mass grave of more than 200 corpses was discovered under a Paris supermarket. "Then we realised it could be the missing remains of 'Les...

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Cameron tells jobless "Wear blindfolds in supermarkets or lose benefits."

Funny story: Cameron tells jobless "Wear blindfolds in supermarkets or lose benefits."

The Prime Minister has announced plans to introduce the wearing of blindfolds in supermarkets for all benefit claimants which will be introduced of the Tories win the next General Election in May. The new requirement will apply to anyone claiming...

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Duke Of Edinburgh Latest Faux Pas - "Greek Economy Is All Greek To Me"

Funny story: Duke Of Edinburgh Latest Faux Pas - "Greek Economy Is All Greek To Me"

Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh speaking at the opening of a new Greek themed hypermarket, caused much amusement yesterday, when he pulled out what appeared to be a crumpled script from his pocket and read out the following list, apparently not real...

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Christmas Aisles Cleared From Supermarkets

Funny story: Christmas Aisles Cleared From Supermarkets

U.K Supermarkets have all followed each other in a gaffe caused by a "night staff" manager in Fresco. Overnight shelf stackers have replaced all Christmas items on the shelves of major supermarkets with Easter eggs. Most people have experienced th...

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Supermarket contrives to make matters worse

Beleaguered supermarket chain, Tesdabury's found itself embroiled in yet more controversy last night after it emerged that the under-fire company has been systematically spying on its customers and then misusing the information it has acquired in doi...

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Supermarket to recall every bit of food ever sold

Funny story: Supermarket to recall every bit of food ever sold

If it wasn't bad enough for the supermarket giants Tesdabury's, it emerged last night that board members were in talks to recall every bit of food ever sold after an unhealthy overweight monkey was found dead in a bag of banana's bought by an elderly...

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A healthy way to lose weight? Fat chance!

Funny story: A healthy way to lose weight? Fat chance!

There was uproar last night when it was revealed that receipts from supermarkets are now to contain health warnings for the shopper if their choices are deemed to be unhealthy. There have been accusations that this is just the latest example of the n...

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Visions in the Local Supermarket

Funny story: Visions in the Local Supermarket

I take my lunch at the same time every damn day. At the appointed hour, I rise from my desk and vacate the building as quickly as possible (usually via the 1st floor window). Evading the guard dogs and searchlights, I take a five minute walk across a very busy road to the local Tesco for a sandwich, a packet of crisps and a critique of the human condition. In between bouts of awareness toward...

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Self-service at supermarket garage

Motorists can now drive themselves into Morris&Sons garage where self-service is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Customers at Morris&Sons Motors simply queue for the next available inspection pit, pick up a basket containing overa...

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Costco woos millennials and illegals

A NEIGHBORHOOD NEAR YOU -- Costco's sales have declined as millennials take their place as adults in society's workforce. Used to living at home and having mom and dad foot their bills, many of the latest generation don't want to own a house, muc...

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Horse meat found in Micro Pig value bacon nuggets

Funny story: Horse meat found in Micro Pig value bacon nuggets

Tests on a major supermarket chain's Value Bacon Nuggets have revealed a micro horse meat content of between 20% and 30%, the Ministry of Food and Fisheries announced this morning. Sources of the meat have been located and are closed pending investi...

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Supermarket bans the sale of lads' bags in its stores

Lads' bags will not be sold in thousands of Ladl Stores after the company said that most lads look stupid with such bags. Manufacturers of man-bags are angry that their new line in lads' bags is causing such a storm. "We thought they were a g...

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Supermarket Music Festivals, like Totally man

Funny story: Supermarket Music Festivals, like Totally man

The news of the cancellation of the supermarket chain Morrisons' inaugural music festival the other week was met with sadness. Excitement for the other forthcoming supermarket commissioned festivals however has only rocketed. The Morrisons festival, 'MFEST', was to be held in Leeds. As well as offering up cookery workshops with celebrity chef Aldo Zilli and kids' art and craft stalls there was...

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Kristen Stewart May Pose In The Nude In Order To Get Back In The Hollywood Spotlight

Funny story: Kristen Stewart May Pose In The Nude In Order To Get Back In The Hollywood Spotlight

WEST HOLLYWOOD - The star of The Twilight Saga series, Kristen Stewart is said to be feeling very down and depressed about the fact that her career has seemed to hit a fortified brick wall. Stewart recently spoke with Barbara Walters on The View a...

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Kristen Stewart Goes Ballistic Over A Shopping Cart Incident

Funny story: Kristen Stewart Goes Ballistic Over A Shopping Cart Incident

SAN FRANCISCO - Kristen Stewart flew up to San Francisco to get away from the LaLaLand rumor mills. She recently had an incident where she shoved a reporter for the supermarket tabloid Say What? According to the police report Kristen was shoppi...

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