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Funny story: IBM Releases Superconducting Quantum Computer, Large Hadron Collider Engineers Experience First Boner

IBM Releases Superconducting Quantum Computer, Large Hadron Collider Engineers Experience First Boner

Showing photographs of the recently developed superconducting processor, IBM announced plans for eventual release of their new Quantum Computer. Engineers and scientists at the Large Hadron Collider in Cern, Switzerland, showed a vividly clear inter...
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Funny story: Brian Cox warns against Bieber appearing in Twilight franchise

Brian Cox warns against Bieber appearing in Twilight franchise

Fans of pop music and vampire fantasy films are to be disappointed today, as rumours of Justin Bieber appearing in the Twilight saga are announced to be untrue. Catherine Hardwicke, speaking at a press conference today, told journalists that "Jus...
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Funny story: LEC Slated To Begin Smashing This Summer

LEC Slated To Begin Smashing This Summer

It appears that the world of science and politics are about to meet head-on, and the result may be the biggest explosion in recorded history. Deep under the mountains of Colorado, engineers and construction crews have been working long hours to co...
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Funny story: Overwhelmingly Large Hadron Collider Fired Up In Russia

Overwhelmingly Large Hadron Collider Fired Up In Russia

Last night, Russia released the news that its own particle collider is up and running- and it's even bigger than CERN's. Work on this collider has been going on for years now, but the Russians quite sensibly told people that it wasn't actually goi...
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Funny story: New Munchon Particle Discovered

New Munchon Particle Discovered

The large hadron collider was restarted today in a bold attempt to find the missing chocolate particle predicted by scientists since the famous J.S.Fry experiments of the last century. Research then suggested that along with the 5 chocons (despera...
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Funny story: Large Hadron Collider responsible for the credit crunch

Large Hadron Collider responsible for the credit crunch

Professor Hugh Jarse was left red faced when it was revealed that the recent experiments using the Large Hadron Collider were responsible for the global financial crisis. The top British boffin explained "When we started the experiment we, as pred...
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Funny story: Excitement and Fear Over Europe's New Super Collider

Excitement and Fear Over Europe's New Super Collider

The new atomic particle super-collider is an enormous chamber for smashing together atoms in order to make enough noise to get God's attention. Some worry it will cause a local black hole that sucks up the Earth like the garbage disposal devours eve...
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Funny story: Hadron Collider The Subject Of New Gay James Bond Film

Hadron Collider The Subject Of New Gay James Bond Film

The Hadron Collider, that machine that was built to recreate the conditions just after the Big Bang, has been stolen, and has fallen into the hands of that arch-villain from the James Bond films, Ernst Blojob. That's the storyline of the brand new...
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Funny story: Large Hadron Collider activity delayed

Large Hadron Collider activity delayed

The Large Hadron Collider experiment was put on hold for a few months after scientists at CERN were forced to switch off the device. Top UK scientist Professor Hugh Jarse was on hand to explain. "It is quite straight forward actually. We are no...
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Funny story: Large Hadron Collider Quarked-up after Wrong Sort of Big Bang

Large Hadron Collider Quarked-up after Wrong Sort of Big Bang

Earlier this month the scientific world's bespectacled anorak gang, aka the Mensa Morons, with more degrees than a thermometer and less common sense that a business of lemmings, posed, quaffing firkins of champagne and grinning like Cheshire cats.
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Funny story: Large Hadron Collider Destroys God by Accident

Large Hadron Collider Destroys God by Accident

GENEVA, Switzerland - Concerns that the Large Hadron Collider might destroy the Earth proved unfounded on Wednesday, but scientists warned that they may instead have accidentally destroyed God shortly after powering up the machine. Detectors in th...
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Funny story: Huge Success for the Large Hadron Collider

Huge Success for the Large Hadron Collider

Scientist today reveal the full success story of the LHC as they switch it off for a few months to cool down, the European Organization for Nuclear Research (Cern) says. A spokesperson said it simply fantastic, "We knew at the outset that just col...
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Funny story: CERN scientists arrested for obscenity

CERN scientists arrested for obscenity

NewsDesk Geneva, Switzerland: A group of young scientists from CERN were arrested last night while partying at a popular nightspot for scientists in Geneva. Reports coming in state young revellers in the Quantum Pub were arrested while stripping...
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Funny story: Swiss Role in American Jam

Swiss Role in American Jam

European bankers have now admitted that they rigged the results of the Large Hadron Collider - which runs beneath Switzerland, Germany and France - in order to create an implosion in the American financial system. "We were really upset that Credit...
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Funny story: Blue Peter to show how to make a Large Hadron Collider

Blue Peter to show how to make a Large Hadron Collider

Popular children's television programme Blue Peter revealed today that they will be making a LHC using a variety of items found in the typical home. "We are hoping to make science more approachable for today's youngsters," said new series producer...
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Funny story: Apple introduces: iLHC pocketsize personal particle accelerators for CERN physicists on the go

Apple introduces: iLHC pocketsize personal particle accelerators for CERN physicists on the go

Silicon Valley, California - Steve Jobs unveiled the latest Apple iNnovation today: iLHC pocketsize personal particle accelerators for mad CERN physicists on the go, all in celebratory observance of the Big Bang experiment that has not yet ended exis...
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Funny story: Super Collider Menace to Swiss Traffic

Super Collider Menace to Swiss Traffic

Hadron Switzerland - A spate of traffic accidents in Hadron has been linked to a single reckless driver whose identity is unknown. Accidents have all taken place on the ring road around the town which is 27 kilometres in circumference and straddles t...
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Funny story: Disappointment as CERN Hurricane Fails To Destroy Texas

Disappointment as CERN Hurricane Fails To Destroy Texas

Scientists and politicians are disappointed today as the CERN Large Hadron Collider fails to create enough global warming and hurricanes to rid the globalists of the reality and truth seekers capital of Texas. 'Apparently, Alex Jones is still aliv...
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