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CERN Retracts Announcement of Having Created a Black Hole

Funny story: CERN Retracts Announcement of Having Created a Black Hole

Geneva, Switzerland - C.E.R.N., The European Organization for Nuclear Research, has retracted its claim made on Monday of having created an actual black hole in the collision chamber of the particle accelerator. CERN issued a very enthusiastic pre...

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Biggs - Hosun Devil particle found.

Funny story: Biggs - Hosun Devil particle found.

Scientists have discovered a horrifying "Biggs - Hosun" particle nicknamed the Devil Particle among the collision debris at the Large Hadron collider underneath Geneva. A scientist excitedly told our reporter, "I was looking inside the collision c...

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IBM Releases Superconducting Quantum Computer, Large Hadron Collider Engineers Experience First Boner

Funny story: IBM Releases Superconducting Quantum Computer, Large Hadron Collider Engineers Experience First Boner

Showing photographs of the recently developed superconducting processor, IBM announced plans for eventual release of their new Quantum Computer. Engineers and scientists at the Large Hadron Collider in Cern, Switzerland, showed a vividly clear inter...

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Brian Cox warns against Bieber appearing in Twilight franchise

Funny story: Brian Cox warns against Bieber appearing in Twilight franchise

Fans of pop music and vampire fantasy films are to be disappointed today, as rumours of Justin Bieber appearing in the Twilight saga are announced to be untrue. Catherine Hardwicke, speaking at a press conference today, told journalists that "Jus...

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LEC Slated To Begin Smashing This Summer

Funny story: LEC Slated To Begin Smashing This Summer

It appears that the world of science and politics are about to meet head-on, and the result may be the biggest explosion in recorded history. Deep under the mountains of Colorado, engineers and construction crews have been working long hours to co...

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Overwhelmingly Large Hadron Collider Fired Up In Russia

Funny story: Overwhelmingly Large Hadron Collider Fired Up In Russia

Last night, Russia released the news that its own particle collider is up and running- and it's even bigger than CERN's. Work on this collider has been going on for years now, but the Russians quite sensibly told people that it wasn't actually goi...

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New Munchon Particle Discovered

Funny story: New Munchon Particle Discovered

The large hadron collider was restarted today in a bold attempt to find the missing chocolate particle predicted by scientists since the famous J.S.Fry experiments of the last century. Research then suggested that along with the 5 chocons (despera...

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Large Hadron Collider responsible for the credit crunch

Funny story: Large Hadron Collider responsible for the credit crunch

Professor Hugh Jarse was left red faced when it was revealed that the recent experiments using the Large Hadron Collider were responsible for the global financial crisis. The top British boffin explained "When we started the experiment we, as pred...

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Excitement and Fear Over Europe's New Super Collider

Funny story: Excitement and Fear Over Europe's New Super Collider

The new atomic particle super-collider is an enormous chamber for smashing together atoms in order to make enough noise to get God's attention. Some worry it will cause a local black hole that sucks up the Earth like the garbage disposal devours eve...

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Hadron Collider The Subject Of New Gay James Bond Film

Funny story: Hadron Collider The Subject Of New Gay James Bond Film

The Hadron Collider, that machine that was built to recreate the conditions just after the Big Bang, has been stolen, and has fallen into the hands of that arch-villain from the James Bond films, Ernst Blojob. That's the storyline of the brand new...

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Large Hadron Collider activity delayed

Funny story: Large Hadron Collider activity delayed

The Large Hadron Collider experiment was put on hold for a few months after scientists at CERN were forced to switch off the device. Top UK scientist Professor Hugh Jarse was on hand to explain. "It is quite straight forward actually. We are no...

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Large Hadron Collider Quarked-up after Wrong Sort of Big Bang

Funny story: Large Hadron Collider Quarked-up after Wrong Sort of Big Bang

Earlier this month the scientific world's bespectacled anorak gang, aka the Mensa Morons, with more degrees than a thermometer and less common sense that a business of lemmings, posed, quaffing firkins of champagne and grinning like Cheshire cats.

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Large Hadron Collider Destroys God by Accident

GENEVA, Switzerland - Concerns that the Large Hadron Collider might destroy the Earth proved unfounded on Wednesday, but scientists warned that they may instead have accidentally destroyed God shortly after powering up the machine. Detectors in th...

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Huge Success for the Large Hadron Collider

Funny story: Huge Success for the Large Hadron Collider

Scientist today reveal the full success story of the LHC as they switch it off for a few months to cool down, the European Organization for Nuclear Research (Cern) says. A spokesperson said it simply fantastic, "We knew at the outset that just col...

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CERN scientists arrested for obscenity

Funny story: CERN scientists arrested for obscenity

NewsDesk Geneva, Switzerland: A group of young scientists from CERN were arrested last night while partying at a popular nightspot for scientists in Geneva. Reports coming in state young revellers in the Quantum Pub were arrested while stripping...

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Swiss Role in American Jam

Funny story: Swiss Role in American Jam

European bankers have now admitted that they rigged the results of the Large Hadron Collider - which runs beneath Switzerland, Germany and France - in order to create an implosion in the American financial system. "We were really upset that Credit...

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Blue Peter to show how to make a Large Hadron Collider

Funny story: Blue Peter to show how to make a Large Hadron Collider

Popular children's television programme Blue Peter revealed today that they will be making a LHC using a variety of items found in the typical home. "We are hoping to make science more approachable for today's youngsters," said new series producer...

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Apple introduces: iLHC pocketsize personal particle accelerators for CERN physicists on the go

Silicon Valley, California - Steve Jobs unveiled the latest Apple iNnovation today: iLHC pocketsize personal particle accelerators for mad CERN physicists on the go, all in celebratory observance of the Big Bang experiment that has not yet ended exis...

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Breaking news…

Bill Cosby Contacts Kim Kardashian to See if She Can Get Him Pardoned

Kim told Cosby he would have to get in line behind Robert Mueller, Suge Knight, and Jared Folger.
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