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ISIS suicide vests in global safety recall

ISIS has announced that hundreds of its suicide bombers will be laid off following a recall of suicide vests by their Iranian manufacturer. The Iranian manufacturer of the vests, Arash Onmabutt Corporation, declined to comment. ISIS spokesman Must...

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Suicide Bombers, Meet the "Bomburkalizer"

Funny story: Suicide Bombers, Meet the "Bomburkalizer"

Tel Aviv; Israel: A new contraption may save scores of lives across the Middle East and the Western World from the menacing terror of suicide bombers. Israeli scientist have invented a device that fits fashionably on the human body, allows full unenc...

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Jobs Outlook Report Shows Likely Shortage of Suicide Bomber Instructors

Funny story: Jobs Outlook Report Shows Likely Shortage of Suicide Bomber Instructors

A report released yesterday by the United Nations subcommittee for Global Employment Outlook predicts a shortage of competent suicide bomber instructors beginning in the first quarter of 2016 and continuing, likely, forever. According to the repo...

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Heaven Running out of Virgins

Funny story: Heaven Running out of Virgins

With war raging in the Middle East and terror attacks happening with greater frequency all over the world, heaven is starting to run out of virgins. According to the Koran, every Jihadist who dies is promised 72 virgins, but ever since the Syrian civ...

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Drone Address: Obama Condemns (-Ish) Suicide Bombers (1/2)

President Obama has conclusively refuted all the unpatriotic pinkos who hate America so much, they want to maliciously and opportunistically hinder his drone campaign… Which latter, as we all know and agree, exists purely in order for your safety alone. Read it with an open mind. Well, I mean, c'mon; at least he's not a neocon, right? ;) Now let me say this. Well, why not? I...

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CNN warns cash-point queuers to be wary of suicide bombers

Funny story: CNN warns cash-point queuers to be wary of suicide bombers

World famous spreader of disasters, Coca Cola and McDonald adverts, CNN, has issued the following warning after an incident near the north of Paris in the famous Gaelic city surrounded by a Roman wall. It seems that people queuing up to empty thei...

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IS jihadis grooming flock of Mongolian ostriches for bomb vest attacks

Funny story: IS jihadis grooming flock of Mongolian ostriches for bomb vest attacks

Syrian Border, Middle East - The renegades' drone program took a sinister twist today after a heavily kitted out ostrich was captured by Iraqi farces complete with bomb vest, surveillance camera and GPS tracker ahead of a covert suicide mission.

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'Some ass radicalised him' as suicide donkey wreaks Gaza havoc

Funny story: 'Some ass radicalised him' as suicide donkey wreaks Gaza havoc

Palestine - Mossad is hunting a gang of radicalised drug mules that strapped a bomb belt onto a three year-old donkey that blew up in the Rafah area of the Gaza Strip today. Israeli bomb squad farces said they used a frozen lollipop to lure the b...

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Jihadist Gets The 72 Virgins That He So Richly Deserves

Funny story: Jihadist Gets The 72 Virgins That He So Richly Deserves

The Gates To Glory opened wide to accept young Jasheed as he entered the Jihadist Heaven he worked so hard to deserve. His trainers had always indoctrinated him on the wonders that would await him there were he to prove himself to be a true fundamentalist patriot. Now, his mission completed and multiple bodies torn apart by his suicide bomb including his own, he had now come to get his awards.

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Al-Qaeda to Hold Membership Drive for Suicide Bombers

Funny story: Al-Qaeda to Hold Membership Drive for Suicide Bombers

Peshawar, Pakistan The terrorist organization al-Qaeda announced today that they are looking for new members to join the exciting world of suicide bombing. "Every year we have to recruit more people. We are getting down to our last few recruits f...

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Suicide bombings on the decline

Muslim "suicide bombers" in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unres...

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Kidnapped Grandma forced to rob bank with Bomb. Claims: It was the most fun I have ever had in my Entire Life

Funny story: Kidnapped Grandma forced to rob bank with Bomb. Claims: It was the most fun I have ever had in my Entire Life

A New Orleans, Louisiana grandma, 67 year old Anna Flakes, joyfully told a group of arresting officers that her experience of having been abducted, fitted with a live bomb and forced to rob a bank was the most fun she has ever had in her entire life.

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The promise of 72 virgins less of an incentive for would-be suicide bombers than it was 10 years ago

Funny story: The promise of 72 virgins less of an incentive for would-be suicide bombers than it was 10 years ago

KRWENY, Iraq--Islamic terror organizations report that the promise of 72 virgins in heaven to every suicide bomber isn't the dangling carrot it was back on September 11, 2001. Due to the wide availability of the Internet in the past decade, would-...

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Man 'with cucumber strapped to leg' arrested in Watford 'bomb' siege

Funny story: Man 'with cucumber strapped to leg' arrested in Watford 'bomb' siege

Watford - Terrified bank customers dialled 999 this morning amid fears a 12-inch cucumber strapped to a man's leg was 'an improvised explosive device'. Police were taking no chances amid FO advice that the deadly vegetable is being used by Al Qaed...

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Failed pipe bomber turns himself in

Funny story: Failed pipe bomber turns himself in

Thames Valley Police this evening disclosed that a suspected anarchist has handed himself in at Reading police station, following a dismal failure to spread murder and mayhem around central London and the home counties. It was announced that the s...

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Female suicide Bombers to get 72 virgins

Funny story: Female suicide Bombers to get 72 virgins

A long-held belief of male suicide bombers has been that they will get 72 pristine teenage virgins if they die during an act of "Holy Jihad". Now, in a move that will shock many, controversial Imam, Mustapha Fatwa, has announced that female martyrs w...

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Dead Suicide Terrorist Upset That 72 Virgins Are All Refurbished

Dead Afghan suicide terrorist, Oh No Mohammed, was disappointed to find out that his seventy two virgins reward for dying for Allah were all refurbished with non-human parts. Needless to say, he is really, really pissed. "I cannot believe this!"...

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Pope encourages suicide bombings

Funny story: Pope encourages suicide bombings

Today, the Pope controversially spoke of his desire to see Christian suicide bombers. In a speech to followers in London, he said "Those Muslims are getting all the attention by blowing themselves up. We Christians are being marginalised. The medi...

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Breaking news…

Trump to Continue Dictator Tour

There are still a few dictators in the world that Trump hasn't groveled to.
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