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Funny satire stories about Steroids

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Mets fans suspended for use of delusion enhancing drugs

Funny story: Mets fans suspended for use of delusion enhancing drugs

New York -- Major League Baseball has banned the entire fan base of the New York Mets from participating in any aspect of the game. The ruling by new MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred takes effect immediately and lasts until the end of the current season.

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Top 10 Ways to Coax Alex Rodriguez off the Yankees

Funny story: Top 10 Ways to Coax Alex Rodriguez off the Yankees

The Bronx - - The New York Yankees appear to have had enough of Alex Rodriguez. They don't like the way he "talks the talk." They don't care for the way he "walks the walk." But what really upsets them is how his contract will "yank the bank" if...

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A-Rod's Lost Season: His Top 10 To-Do List

Funny story: A-Rod's Lost Season: His Top 10 To-Do List

New York - - Slapped with a full season suspension by major league baseball, Yankee slugger Alex Rodriguez has wasted no time in creating a productive agenda for his year out of the lineup. Here are the top 10 action items on A-Rod's A-list: 1. Write an autobiography. Working title: "Stop Needling Me." 2. Check the ObamaCare website for a better performance-enhancing drug plan. 3. Purch...

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2016 Summer Olympics in Rio Bans Horse Meat Diet

Funny story: 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio Bans Horse Meat Diet

Competitors in the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio, Brazil will have to go through more tests than any event to date. "We do not want there to be any cheating here", says Spokesman Fabio Guaray. "If you plan to cheat, stay home. You will embarrass you...

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Mr. Met Traded to the Cubs For a Year's Supply of Steroids

Funny story: Mr. Met Traded to the Cubs For a Year's Supply of Steroids

Flushing, New York - Desperate to improve a team that has become the laughing stock of major league baseball, the New York Mets have traded their beloved mascot, Mr. Met, to the Chicago Cubs in exchange for a shipment of super steroids. The...

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Syria cheating with steroids, say UN inspectors

Funny story: Syria cheating with steroids, say UN inspectors

Damascus -- The chemical warfare situation in Syria took an unexpected turn yesterday, when a team of UN inspectors discovered that the war-torn nation is using steroids and other Performance Enhancing Drugs (PEDs) to fortify its army. "Clearly,...

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Milwaukee Brewer's Ryan Braun Suspended For 65 Games - Says He Has An Excellent Excuse

Funny story: Milwaukee Brewer's Ryan Braun Suspended For 65 Games - Says He Has An Excellent Excuse

MILWAUKEE - Well number 8 for the Milwaukee Brewers will be watching the remainder of the 2013 Brewers season from his home. Major League Baseball has just issued Braun with a 65-game suspension for testing positive for Performance Enhancing Drugs...

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Baseball's All-Stars Cancel Steroid Game

Funny story: Baseball's All-Stars Cancel Steroid Game

Citi Field, New York -- Major League Baseball has canceled its newest All-Star attraction. Called the Steroid Juice-Off, the event would have showcased how Performance-Enhancing Drugs turn ordinary mooks into muscle-bound Babe Ruth's. "We thoug...

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The 10 sure signs you're playing for the Mets

Funny story: The 10 sure signs you're playing for the Mets

Flushing, New York -- It's hard enough being a Mets fan, putting up with a Scrooge of an owner and a stooge of a general manager. Imagine playing for this talentless team. Put yourself in their bargain store spikes and consider the 10 top indicatio...

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Air New Zealand ad goes 'balls to the wall'

Funny story: Air New Zealand ad goes 'balls to the wall'

AUKLAND, New Zealand (ABSNN) - Air New Zealand aired a new "ballsy" ad featuring Belarusian Olympian Nadzeya Ostapchuk who won the London Games' shot-put competition, but was forced to surrender her Gold Medal when she failed a drug test. "The ad ca...

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Braun Cites Superior Masculinity as Cause of Elevated Testosterone

It was announced Thursday that Ryan Braun's 50-game suspension was overturned by baseball arbitrator Shyam Das. This marks the first time in MLB history that any player has successfully appealed a drug related suspension. Braun tested positiv...

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'Looks like we picked the wrong month to quit steroids', says Red Sox manager

Funny story: 'Looks like we picked the wrong month to quit steroids', says Red Sox manager

NEW YORK, Ny.--The Boston Red Sox dropped yet another critical game, this time to their arch rivals, the New York Yankees, by a score of 9-1. The game epitomized the entire month of September in which the Red Sox have gone 5-17: no pitching, no hi...

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Duck Duck Goose World Champion Disqualified For Steriod Use

Gene Jenkins has dominated the game of duck duck goose for 27 years. Jenkins began his triumphant career in the popular children's game when he was 6 years old at the National Elementary School D.D.G. Championship in Orlando, Florida. His very likabl...

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Former Major League Baseball Pitcher Patents: "The Home Run Pitch"

In a shocking move, former major league baseball pitcher, Jamie Moyer, who has let up more home runs in his career (511) than any pitcher in the history of the game, has announced that he has patented the "home run pitch". The Patent number is 867...

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Steroid Therapy Treatment - A Descent into Madness

Funny story: Steroid Therapy Treatment - A Descent into Madness

Oh sweet bed you mock me from your prominent position at the center of my universe your covers pull back slightly, pillows skewed, beckoning, beckoning for me to once again come within your folds and partake of your soft luxurious wonderments. You taunt me with your scent of freshly laundered linens, the coziness you exude only mocks me more as I cannot partake with eyes wide open, I must not e...

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Canseco Says McGwire Still Lying About Steroid Use

Funny story: Canseco Says McGwire Still Lying About Steroid Use

Jose Canseco, the former major leaguer who has publicly admitted to steroid use and claims that he introduced Mark McGwire to steroids, says that his former teammate is still lying. Canseco claims that McGwires recent confessions do not go deep enou...

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Calls For Stricter Safety Rules Due To Death Of High School Chess Player

Funny story: Calls For Stricter Safety Rules Due To Death Of High School Chess Player

Charles Bradley, president of a West Texas school's chess team collapsed and died in a competition against rival school. While official autopsy results are still pending, preliminary findings show that the player died due to a heart attack (which wa...

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Baseball Batboy Arrested For Growing Anabolic Steroids

Funny story: Baseball Batboy Arrested For Growing Anabolic Steroids

DULUTH, Minnesota - When you first look at little 12-year-old Tibbie Stockinette he appears to be just like any other red-blooded American little boy. He has dishwater blonde hair, Colorado sky blue eyes, and nine freckles on his nose. But as the...

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Breaking news…

Porn Lawyer Seeks to Expand Show-Biz Career

Fresh off countless CNN appearances, creepy porn lawyer Michael Avenatti has sued Marvel Comics, demanding to be taken on as their latest super-hero -- Rabid-Ranting-Rodent-Esquire-Dude.
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